제 7회 어드밴스드 컴퓨팅 콘퍼런스 안내

소셜 네트워크와 모바일 디바이스가 일반에 대대적으로 보급되면서 데이터를 쉽게 만들어 내게 되었습니다. 모바일 디바이스의 다양한 센서는 단순 멀티미디어 데이터뿐만아니라 위치 정보 같은 추가적인 정보도 다량 생산해 낼 수 있게 했습니다. 또 웹에 연결되어 있는 수 많은 센서들은 지금 이시간에도 쉬지 않고 데이터를 만들어 내고 있습니다.

이렇듯 데이터의 증가량은 '폭발적이다'라는 말로 부족할 정도로 엄청난 규모입니다. 문제는 이런 데이터가 의미있는 정보를 담고 있음은 분명한데, 그 데이터가 워낙에 크기 때문에 감당하기가 쉽지 않다는데에 있습니다. 그 동안 제한적인 규모의 데이터에서 제한적인 시간내에 정보를 추출해내는 분야가 주요 영역이었다면, 이제는 상상할 수 없을 정도의 어마어마한 규모의 데이터, 이른바 빅 데이터의 분석에 관한 연구가 주를 이루게 됩니다.

실제로 IT 전문가들이 소셜과 모바일이라는 키워드를 이을 차세대 키워드로 빅 데이터를 뽑고 있습니다. 그 만큼 빅데이터는 미래 지향적이고 꼭 분석해야 하는 분야입니다.

마침 이런 빅데이터에 대한 컨퍼런스가 있어 소개해 드리겠습니다.



▣ 행사명 : The 7th Advanced Computing Conference (7회 어드밴스드 컴퓨팅 콘퍼런스)

▣ 일 시 : 2012. 2. 15 () 9:20 ~ 18:00

▣ 장 소 : Coex 1F 그랜드볼룸

▣ 주 최 : 메가뉴스, 지디넷코리아

▣ 행사홈페이지 : http://acc.zdnet.co.kr/7th/program.asp?tr=41

▣ 프로그램

* 빅데이터 시대의 새로운 경영 패러다임 / 카이스트 장영재 교수

* 빅데이터와 기업 경영 환경의 미래  /  한국오라클 장성우 상무

* 스마트한 기업은 어떻게 빅데이터 분석을 통해 정보를 통찰력과 행동으로 변화 시킬 수 있을까?

* 「패널토론」 빅데이터 애널리스트의 역할 및 빅데이터 분석 시장 전망

모더레이터 한국외대 최대우 교수/ 패널리스트: 투이컨설팅 김인현대표, Teradata 김은생 전무, ETRI 황승구 소장

 

[Track Ⅰ 빅데이터 & 비즈니스 빅데이터를 통한 마케팅 & 업무 효과성 향상  소개]

* [소셜분석 빅데이터의 시대 기업활동에  소셜데이터 활용하기 -기업, 소셜에 길을 묻다  /  SK Telecom 김정선 차장

* [Realtime insight] 실시간 의사결정을 위한 모바일 비즈니스 인텔리전스  /  마이크로스트레티지 이동협 차장

* 「 컨설팅 」 Big Data시대의 BI의 역할과 활용방안  /  SK C&C 전철희 위원

*  Business platform 21세기를 위한 애널리틱스  /  Tibco 임상수부장

 

[TrackⅡ빅데이터 & 환경 최적화된 빅데이터 환경 구현 방안]

*  Information Analytics 」 실시간 통찰력 확보를 위한 빅데이터 분석 방안  /  HP 박영배 상무

*  [빅데이터 플랫폼]  Big Data 시대 비즈니스 플랫폼 전략  /  티베로 박근용 팀장

* 빠른 의사 결정을 위한 빅데이터 시대의 엔터프라이즈 인프라스트럭처  /  Altibase

* [빅데이터 어플라이언스] Big data in Action   /  한국 오라클 임상배 부장

[case study ]빅데이터, 소셜분석, 소셜 미디어를 활용한 커뮤니케이션 활용 사례  /  SK Telecom 인선준 부장

 

[Track Issue & Trend  빅데이터 기술적 이슈 점검]

* 「 빅데이터 분석 플랫폼 」 비즈니스분석의 새로운 진화  /  SAS Korea

* 「 비지니스 분석 」 실행 중심의 Event Platform  구축 전략 및 성공 사례  /  Tibco 이호영이사

* [카산드라(Cassandra) & 컨설팅]  Cassandra 1.0 빅데이터의 미래  /  DataStax, Mattew Dennis

* 빅데이터 시대를 위한 데이터 보호 및 관리 솔루션  /  Quantum Korea 유재근 부장

* [R & 컨설팅] R을 활용한 빅데이터 환경 구성 사례  /  NexR 전희원 팀장

 

▣ 콘퍼런스 페이지 https://www.facebook.com/zdnetevent를 통해 VIP초대 이벤트에 응모하세요!


 


모바일과 소셜을 넘는 빅데이터의 세계. IT 전문가 분들의 많은 참여 바라겠습니다.


  1. BlogIcon 별이 2012.02.03 06:28 신고

    꼬마낙타님 잘보고갑니다^^
    날씨가 많이 추워 길이 미끄럽네요^^
    다니실때 조심하시고, 오늘 하루도 활짝 웃는 하루 되세요^^

  2. BlogIcon 굴뚝토끼 2012.02.03 07:26 신고

    너무 전문적이라 접근할 엄두가 안나지만,
    관심있는 분들한테는 아주 유용한 자리가 될 것 같습니다.

  3. BlogIcon 와이군 2012.02.03 10:33 신고

    정리되지 않은 데이터는 가치가 없다죠.
    재밌을것 같네요~

  4. BlogIcon 마음노트 2012.02.03 14:09 신고

    쟁쟁한 분들이 많이 참석하시네요.
    몇년간 삽질한다고 바빴는데..이제는 IT가 활성화좀 됐으면해요.

  5. BlogIcon 신기한별 2012.02.03 15:10 신고

    오늘도 다녀갑니다

  6. BlogIcon Ustyle9 2012.02.03 17:03 신고

    잘보고 갑니다.. 저도 이행사 보로 갈계획입니다.. 아는분이 초대권을 주셔서 ㅋㅋ

  7. BlogIcon 핑구야 날자 2012.02.07 22:39 신고

    저에게도 지디넷에서 전화가 왔더라구요..

  8. BlogIcon kynthia 2012.03.06 06:25 신고

    세속인것들에만 의존하지않록이진실을조히가에새기라

  9. BlogIcon replica handbags uk 2013.03.23 18:14 신고

    당신은 학생들을위한 파티, 알아요.


연봉만 313억원, 야후엔 어떤 변화의 바람이?


야후라는 포털 사이트를 아시는 분이 많이 계실 겁니다. 구글 이전 1세대 웹 검색을 이끌었고, 꾸준히 웹 비즈니스의 강자로 군림해왔던  대형 인터넷 업체입니다. 하지만 구글의 등장과 SNS의 등장 같은 시대의 변화에 뒤쳐지는 듯 하더니 점점 역사의 뒤안길로 잊혀져 가는 듯 했습니다.

스콧 톰슨(Scott Thompson) / 기업인
출생 1958년 00월 00일
신체
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상세보기


페이스북의 인기에 창업자인 래리 페이지가 돌아온 구글처럼 야후도 분위기 반전 및 재도약을 위해 CEO인 캐롤바츠(Carol Bartz)를 경질하고 4개월동안 후보자를 물색한 결과 현 페이팔의 대표인 스콧 톰슨(Scott Thompson)을 신임 CEO로 내정했다고 합니다. 스콧 톰슨은 임기내에 5천만명의 회원을 1억 4백만명으로 늘렸으며 제휴처를 8백만 곳, 매출이 19억 달러에서 44억 달러로 2배 이상 올리는 등 폭발적인 성장을 기록하였습니다. 이에 야후는 스콧 톰슨을 CEO로 영입 하였습니다.


야후의 CEO로 영입되며 그가 받은 연봉은 페이팔에서 받았던 1천 40만달러의 급여보다 두배 이상 증가한 2천 700만 달러정도가 될 것으로 보인다고 합니다. 뭐 그만큼의 능력과 경력이 있으니 받을 수 있는 돈이겠지요. 연봉만 보면 정말 부럽습니다. +_+



아무튼 야후의 새 CEO로 취임하게 될 스콧 톰슨의 앞에 놓인 과제는 만만치 많아 보입니다. 그가 풀어야 할 몇 가지 과제가 있다면,

1. 이미지 쇄신


야후는 90년대 인터넷의 발달에 힘입어 거대한 성장을 이룬 기업입니다. 하지만 초창기 이후 큰 발전없이 구글에 추월당하고, 최근에는 트위터나 페이스북같은 SNS 기업들에 뒤쳐지는 이미지를 남겼습니다. 소프트웨어 기업에게 이런 약자의 이미지, 뒤쳐지는 이미지는 꼭 뒤집어야 하는 최대 과제라고 할 수 있습니다. 

야후가 재도약을 하기 위해서는 최근 10년 동안 누적되었던 부정적인 이미지를 벗어버리고 새로운 이미지를 얻어야 할 것입니다. 그러기 위해서는 영광의 과거는 잊고 현실을 직시하여 미래를 내다 봐야 합니다.


2. 주력 사업은?


야후의 경우 굉장히 많은 자회사들이 있습니다. 이런 저런 인터넷 서비스 업체들을 인수하여 보유하고 있는 기술을 많이 있찌만 딱히 시대를 이끌어가고 있는 기술은 없는 듯 합니다. ( 최근에 딜리셔스와 같은 사업부를 정리했죠. )

따라서 SNS의 페이스북, 검색의 구글같이 자신들만의 확실한 주력 상품을 개발해야 할 것입니다. SNS에서도, 검색에서도, 모바일에서도 야후는 뒤쳐져있고, 승부수를 걸만한 사업부가 없어 보입니다. 이런 악조건을 새로 야후에 부임한 CEO 스콧 톰슨이 어떻게 헤쳐나갈지 궁금하군요.


3. 빅데이터 분석


2012년 웹 비즈니스의 핵심 키워드 들 중에 하나가 '빅데이터'입니다. 야후는 90년대 이후 꾸준히 서비스를 해오면서 데이터를 축적해왔습니다. 21세기의 디지털 원유라고 할 수 있는 데이터가 많다는 것은 분명 재도약 할 수 있는 충분한 파워를 줄 수 있습니다.

이런 장점들을 활용해서 어떤 서비스를 내놓을 것인지, 어떻게 기존의 서비스들을 개선시킬 것인지가 승부의 분수령이 될 것으로 보입니다.


4. 모바일 시장은?


스마트폰을 사용하는 가장 큰 이유는 정보의 검색입니다. 어디서든 정보를 얻기 위해 검색 엔진을 사용하게 되는데, 구글은 이런 검색의 특성을 너무나도 잘 간파하여 모바일 OS 시장에 뛰어들어 웹 브라우저 시장과 모바일 검색 엔진 시장에서 확고한 위치를 얻어가고 있습니다.

그에 비해 야후는 모바일 시장에서도 뒤쳐지고 있습니다. 앞으로 보급형 스마트폰과 태블릿 PC의 컨텐츠가 늘어나는 등 모바일 시장이 갈 수록 활성화 되는 가운데 야후의 모바일 시장 대응이 어떻게 될지 주목 할 만합니다.


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기업 간의 경쟁은 좋은 서비스와 저렴한 가격을 만들어 냅니다. 구글, MS와 좋은 경쟁을 펼치면서 사용자들에게 편의를 제공 할 수 있는 그런 체제가 마련되었으면 좋겠습니다.


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    没牵住你的手是我一生的错,无论是在天涯海角还是近在眼前,你都是我心中最深的思念最深的痛。

    对于你,我经过这么多努力,我想我该死心了。对于你所给我的所有,我会珍藏起来,永远!我会为你祝福的。我们还是做朋友,好吗?

    距离以使人与人互相阻隔,却无法将心与心阻隔,无论你走到天涯海角。我的心永远陪伴着你。


    是怎样的缘份,指引我们相识?在生命的际遇里,牵连着你我的是丝丝真情搓成的红线。


    我想你,我的相思就像缠树的青藤一样,在春日的雨露中飞长,而你,就是我心中那棵常春树。


    回想我们在一起相聚的日子,我的心绪迷迷朦朦。你那充满朝气的身躯总是伴着月光入我梦来,让我牵挂不停。


    思念中我一千次一万次地问鸿雁问明月问春风,愿鸿雁将我的眷恋捎给你;愿明月将我的问候带给你;愿春风将我的关切送给你!


    我仍旧受着期待的煎熬,心中仍在把你思念。你的容颜一次又一次地出现在我的面前,还是那么亲切、美丽,但却无法亲近,就像天上的星星。


    无可奈何中,再重翻你往昔的情书,不禁泪落如雨!心中忍不住升起一阵愤恨,竟把它们烧成了纸灰,和泪吞下。倘若有一朝纸灰能复燃,请它把我那深藏着爱情之火的热心肠也燃烧成灰吧!


    假如您心里还有一个微小的我,请你回我一封信,痴心的我,苦等着您的回信!只有您的信,才能把我援救。


    整夜里我叹息,不得好睡,当膝陇的曙色升起,那燕子又绕着我的四周,絮絮不休。小燕子啊,静静吧,让我再睡一下,也许我会入梦,梦见她温柔的手臂绕着我。


    无论在何地,千里或万里,无论在何时,十年或百年,我都深深地思念着你,疼爱着你。我虽然否认一切神灵的存在,但我要永远信奉你这个“新上帝!”


    我恨,为什么我俩的灵魂不能同处在一个躯壳之中?


    无限相思一个字,怎能诉尽缠绵意?


    人生是这样矛盾和苦恼呵,我既然觉得配不上你,为什么心里丝毫不能平息,反而日趋热烈,爱慕的心怀,一天比一天增加呢?


    我已经不下百次梦见你,几乎每个夜晚你的身影都会入我梦来。现在,我们天各一方,我比任何时候都更强烈地想念你。我只有祈求上苍赐给我忍耐力,并且不要把我们重逢的良辰推得太远。


    时间冲不淡真情的酒,距离拉不开思念的手。想你,直到地老天荒,直到永久。


    不见你娇美的姿容已经一个星期了,真如七年一样。在这七天里,你的倩影无时不刻在我心海浮现!


    我现在觉得是上天害了我!为什么天公造出你又造出了我?为什么使我们相识而不使我们结合?


    亲爱的,你不要问我近况如何?我憔悴得仿佛和这朵花一样。若是你见了它忍不住落泪,就请你把泪滴在花上。花儿得你眼泪滋润,枯槁的它也许会有复苏的一天。只是被遗弃的我,几时才能重受你的爱恋?


    夜深了,我还伏在案头给你写信:天天掰着指头计算着你的归期,可日子像和我作对,踱着方步迟迟不肯离去。


    你走了,留给我的是无尽的思念。但,即使再不能见到你,有这份真情伴我也就够了。


    你使我第一次懂得了思恋的滋味,第一次懂得了全身心的骚动和欢娱……


    在一年的每个日子,在一天每个小时,在一小时的每一分钟,在一分钟的每一秒,我都在想你。


    晚上,对着孤灯,我陷入不可名状的思念之中,实在排解不开时,我徘徊在我俩散步的海滩、草地,对着星星、月亮,声声呼唤着你!


    随着天各一方的时间越来越长,我的思念也越来越深,我很想找一个万籁俱寂的深夜或一个阳光明媚的早晨,把许多心底的惆怅、寂寞向你倾诉。 


    这几天,我真正知道什么叫坠人情网,那种思念那种渴盼那种迷乱那种不安,是怎样的缠人撩人折磨人啊。


    虽然只分别了两个星期,可是对我来说,好像是几个世纪了!我在这里,看见和你差不多的女孩就会情不自禁地想起你,并且偷偷地和你比较---放心,还没有一个能和你比的!


    每一天醒来,你的清影就在我眼前转。不管手里干什么事,一会儿,准走神儿了,呆呆的只想你,算着你什么时候回来。

    自从我得到你的爱,好像在漫漫的黑暗中见到了光明,好象在无涯的沙漠中得到了清泉,更好像在山石中发现了一枝鲜花,我怎能不感谢你呢?




    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

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  6. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++幽默大全之外国卷
    交往篇

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    男女之间 女人之间 邻里之间 朋友之间 熟人之间 生人之间 宾主之间
    主仆之间 借贷之间          



    遗 物 男人:“我是你丈夫生前最好的战友,我想要件他的遗物作为纪念,可以吗,夫人?
    女人:“可以。我就是他的遗物。”

    英雄救美人 一个年轻美貌的女子,问一个救火员:“你为了救我出险,一定费了不少气力吧?”
    救火员:“可不是吗?我曾打退了3个救火员,他们都抢着来救你呢。”

    留纪念 男人:“您看见远处那个人了吗?要知道这是一头傲慢的驴,是个微不足道的人,过于
    自信的吹牛大王,寄生虫和人类的负担。”
    女人:“您能不能把一切都写在我的记事本里?要知道,他是我的丈夫,而且我很想在
    他身上体验一下这些表现。”

    邀 请 在街头,一个年轻人走向一个姑娘。他说:“你愿意接受我的邀请,到咖啡馆里去坐坐
    吗?”
    “不,谢谢!”
    “要知道,我并不是随便什么人都邀请的。”
    “要知道,我也并不是什么人都拒绝的。”

    最佳选择 一位到伦敦去游览的美国女人,到一家供给美国男子作游伴的事务所去。那所里的人告
    诉她有美国的北方人,也有南方人,随她选择。她问北方人与南方人有什么不同?他们告诉
    她说,南方人举止优雅,善献殷勤,而北方人则口才流利,富于浪漫性。
    “那么,”她说,“我要一个最靠近北方的南方人!”
    机场更美!
    晚会上,一位姿容秀美的姑娘脖子上挂着个飞机模型项饰出现了。
    这时,有个空军军官对此大为赞赏,目不转眼地看着,姑娘都有点不好意思了,便问
    他:“你是不是觉得我这架飞机好看呀?”
    “小飞机确实太美了,不过,那机场更美!”

    填 表 肖恩骑自行车摔伤,得住院治疗。一位年轻貌美的护士拿着表格让他填写。
    肖恩填好,递上表倍。“还有什么填漏的?”女护士问。
    “有,”肖恩想了想说,“我是个单身汉。”

    胡乱搭讪 在公共汽车上,一个男子看到邻座一位女子的脚上穿着一对非常好看的丝袜,羡慕地问
    道:“真对不起,请问你穿的丝袜是什么牌子?我想买一双给我妻子。”
    那女子诧异地打量了他一番后说:“我劝你还是不要买吧!”
    男子急着问:“那为什么呢?”
    “如果穿上这种丝袜,便什么男人都会找借口和你妻子搭讪的。”

    男人之间 在一次宴会上,两名喝得半醉的男人用低沉而模糊的声音交谈着。
    “喂,那边有一位黑眼、黑发、身材修长的女人,你看到了没有?她就是我太太。她旁
    边坐的金发美女,正是我的情妇呢?”
    “哇!那太巧了,我正好同你相反。”


    经理太太 “经理太太,我得告诉您一件事儿:我们的经理先生——
    您的丈夫——昨天在公司举办的晚会上企图亲吻我!”
    “这不碍事儿,他只要多喝两杯,便对世事的好歹和美丑都抱无所谓的态度!”

    极其愚蠢的事 艾丽莎郑重地对珍妮说:“你拒绝了阿列克斯是犯了一个错误,现在他和我结婚了。”
    珍妮:“我一点也不奇怪。当我拒绝他时,他就说,由于痛苦,他会做出一些极其愚蠢
    的事!”

    女人的自尊 两个好胜心强的女人在一座有喷水池的公园里碰上了。
    一个说:“哎哟,听说你和罗伯特订婚了?罗伯特从前也向我求过婚呢!他没对你说
    吗?”
    “没有啊。他只说过另一件事。他说他有一次遇到一个不知打哪儿来的混帐女人,追了
    他老半天他也没搭理!”


    大门上的留言 柯拉日先生的品性恶劣,街坊邻居全都不喜欢他。有一次,他在自己的大门上贴了一张
    大纸条,纸条上写着:“牛鬼蛇神一概禁止入内!”邻居们便在上面添写了一句:“那您怎
    么回得了家呢?”

    忘做了一块墓碑 P·皮哈开垦了一小块土地,并且种上豌豆。当他把一切完成后,他的邻居忽然来访。
    “你种什么了?”他问道,眼睛看着皮哈刚刚开掘的一个个深坑。
    “豌豆。”皮哈大声答道。
    “你忘了做一块墓碑。”
    “做墓碑?”皮哈不懂为什么要做墓碑。
    “嗳,”他摇着头说,“你把这些豆子埋到那么深的地下,它们就应当得到一块适当的
    碑记。”

    劝 告 仆人对自己主人的邻居说:“汉斯先生让我代他向您问候。他让我转告您,为了不致再
    影响您的休息,他已经打死了他的那只心爱的狼狗。”
    “请向汉斯先生表达我的谢意,”邻居说,“并代我劝告他,千万可别再干出毒死亲生
    女儿或砸坏她的钢琴一类的事情来。”

    狗跑掉了 “我的好邻居,我的狗跑掉了,为这事我简直伤心死了。”
    “请原谅,要知道你的妻子出走时,你并没大惊小怪,为什么你现在这样激动呢?”
    “那是因为,我妻子脖子上并没有3枚国际展览会的奖牌呵!”

    以德报德 布朗夫人屋后有个小菜园,春天她种了些蔬菜。她经常管得十分仔细,到了夏天菜长得
    非常喜人。
    一天晚上,布朗夫人看着她的菜说:“明天我要摘菜,那样我们就有菜吃了。”
    可是第二天一清早,她的儿子跑进厨房嚷道:“妈妈,妈妈!快来!邻居的鸭子正在菜
    园里吃我们的菜哪!”
    布朗夫人跑出去,但是已经迟了!所有的蔬菜全都被吃光了!布朗夫人哭了起来,邻居
    感到歉疚,可是蔬菜是无可挽回了。
    圣诞节前几天,邻居给布朗夫人拿来一包东西。包里是一只上好的肥鸭,上面有一张纸
    条写着:“享用你的蔬菜吧!”

    深夜电话 夜深了,楼房里有一家还在举行舞会。从窗口不断传出音乐声、跺脚声,一片喧哗。不
    久一邻居打来了电话:
    “喂,对不起,可敬的先生,您能不能把录音机借给我用一下?”
    “怎么?你也想开家庭舞会吗?”
    “不,我想睡觉了。”

    都尝一遍 药剂师走进邻居一个书店里,从书架上拿下一本书,问道:“这本书有趣吗?”
    “不知道,没读过。”
    “你怎么能卖自己没读过的书呢?”
    “难道你能把你房子里的药都尝一遍吗?”

    含 蓄 小乔治亚在他生日那天,得到一个小鼓,作为生日的礼物。
    过了几天,他爸爸下班刚回到家,他妈妈便说:“我想楼上那个邻居一定不喜欢听乔治
    亚敲鼓的声音,不过他说得很含蓄。”
    “他怎么说?”爸爸问。
    “喏,今天下午,他送了一把小刀给乔治亚,并且还问他知不知道鼓里头有什么东西,
    以致能发出那样动听的声音。”

    以借对借 邻居匹克屡次叫小孩来伏特家借醋,今天又来了:“我家晚上吃螃蟹,借点儿醋好吗?”
    于是,伏特也吩咐小儿子到匹克家借东西:“今天我家要吃醋,请借一些螃蟹好吗?”

    电 话 一个小伙子每天晚上在安格吉莎对面单元的窗口用望远镜看她。这使她很生气。有一天
    清晨,她打电话给那小伙子。
    “你好!我就是对面单元里的姑娘。你还记不记得,昨晚我脱下长筒袜子放在哪里了?”


    蠢驴和朋友 两个朋友之间的对话:“你这头蠢驴!”
    “我可能真是头蠢驴……问题仅仅在于:究竟因为我是你的朋友我才是头蠢驴呢,还是
    由于我是头蠢驴,我才成了你的朋友?”
    “看什么时候……”
    “你的朋友好像也不少吗?”
    “这要看什么时候。”
    “怎么?”
    “看是他们需要我的时候,还是我需要他们的时候。”

    欣然同意 有两个朋友一起野营,他们一个是吉姆,一个是梯姆。
    梯姆很懒。他们度假的头一个晚上,吉姆对梯姆说:“给你钱,买点肉去吧。”
    “我太累了,”梯姆回答说,“你去吧。”于是吉姆就去买肉了。
    回来后他对梯姆说:“现在肉买来了,请你把它煮熟吧。”
    梯姆回答说:“不,我不会做饭。你做吧。”于是吉姆就开始烧肉。
    这时吉姆对梯姆说:“把面包切一下,”
    梯姆回答说:“我不想切。”于是吉姆把面包切开了。
    后来吉姆又对梯姆说:“请你去打点水来。”
    “不,我不想把衣服弄脏。”梯姆回答道。于是吉姆又去打水。
    最后吉姆说:“饭做好了。来吃吧。”
    “好,我来吃,”梯姆回答说。“我不喜欢总是说‘不’。”

    直率之言 “麦尔克,我的朋友,你觉得那个年轻的小伙子陶斯怎么样?”
    “陶斯?这是个十足的蠢货!”
    “是吗?但是你设想一下吧,他竟打算娶我的女儿为妻!”
    “你看,可不是?”

    一模一样 有两个好朋友,平时形影不离,吃穿用戴也要一模一样,以表示友好。一日,两人来到
    饭馆吃饭,招待员端来两盘汤摆在他们面前。其中一盘里有个死苍蝇,一人感到很难为情,
    而另一人却对招待员喊道:“怎么两盘汤不样?我们要一模一样的!”

    友好的同情 年轻的妻子满面愁容。
    “你怎么啦,亲爱的?”已经结婚10年的女友问。
    “噢,我感到非常痛苦,丈夫整个晚上都不在,而我一点儿也不清楚他现在在哪儿。”
    “唉,这不该使你焦急不安。”女友面带微笑地回答,“要是你知道他现在在哪儿,大
    概你会更加感到痛苦。”

    探望路上 在一个冰天雪地、狂风大作的冬日里,有个人去探望他生病的朋友,路上滑倒多次才好
    不容易到了朋友那儿,冻得直发抖。
    “到这儿来可怕极了。”他说道,“事实上,我每次向前迈一步,就滑回去两步。”
    “那你究竟是怎么走到这里来的呢?”朋友追问道。
    “我到不了这儿,生气地骂了声‘鬼天气’,就转身往回走了。”

    不认人 甲:“自从海斯失业后,有一半朋友不认识他了。”
    乙:“另外一半朋友呢?”
    甲:“他们还不知道他已经失业。”

    请用脑门 ——“我们将在明晚举行婚礼,希望老朋友能光临。到我们门口请用脑门按下电铃。”
    ——“为什么得用脑门呢?”
    ——“我们怕您的手腾不出空来呀!”

    同僚之间 有个大臣自以为嘴尖舌利,善于嘲弄人。
    他对布赫尔说:“亲爱的,心花怒放吧!国王任命你当猪和熊的总管了。”
    布赫尔回答:“噢,那么请你注意,没有我的命令,一步也别走动,因为你归我管了。”

    同事之间 克劳斯和迪特在工地上工作。
    克劳斯很懒,收工后不愿把篮子拿回去,就在篮子上面贴了个字条:“迪特,请把篮子
    提走,我把它忘了。”
    迪特看到篮子后,也在篮子上贴了个字条:“克劳斯,你自己把它提走吧,我没看见
    它。”

    房客之间 一个穷乐师住在伦敦中心一间公寓里。每天,不是半夜就是将近凌晨才回到房间。他那
    么疲倦,回到房间总是往床沿一坐,脱下两只皮鞋“咚、咚”抛在地板上,喃喃地说声“谢
    天谢地”,倒头便睡。
    住在他楼下的一个穷房客,每天半夜都要被这“咚、咚”两声惊醒。房客实在受不住
    了,就向乐师诉苦。善良的乐师感到非常抱歉,答应以后脱鞋时尽量轻地把鞋放在旧地毯上。
    第二天快一点钟时,乐师从俱乐部回到房间,照旧往床沿一坐,脱下一只皮鞋,“咚”
    的一声抛到地板上。他正要脱第二只皮鞋,蓦地想起他答应过的事情,于是非常小心地把另
    一只皮鞋轻轻放在地毯上,然后睡去了。
    一个钟头以后,他被一阵猛烈的敲门声弄醒。住在楼下的那个房客站在他面前。可怜的
    房客结结巴巴地恳求道:“快!快!快扔另一只皮鞋吧,我足足等了一个钟头了,等你扔了
    才能入睡。”


    搞 票 “听说您在体育馆工作,您能不能为我搞几张球票?”
    “当然可以。听说您在银行工作,您能不能为我搞几张钞票?”

    死人不是我 两个砍柴人敲林中小屋的门。
    “您好!”
    “您好!”屋主人回答道。
    “我们刚才在林中发现了一具尸体,我们担心会是您呢!”
    “甚么样的呢?”
    “跟您的身材差不多。”
    “是穿红色法兰绒衬衫吗?”
    “不是,是深棕色的。”
    “那么说,谢天谢地,他不是我。”

    不需要柜子 一个旧家具商人对正在市场上闲逛的莫斯特高声喊道:“莫斯特先生,快买下这个柜子
    吧!很便宜,只要原价一半的钱!”
    “我要柜子做什么?”
    “您可以在里面挂衣服。”
    莫斯特笑问道:“难道您要我光着身子到处跑吗?”


    侦 察 在莫斯科一辆拥挤的公共汽车里,站着的一个男子拍了拍另一个男子的肩膀,然后低声
    说:“你是克格勃成员吗?”
    “不是。”
    “你的家庭里有什么人是克格勃成员吗?”
    “没有。”
    “你的邻居呢?”
    “他们一个也不是。”
    “你的朋友和熟人呢?”
    “我认识的人中没有哪个是克格勃成员。”
    “那么请你别踩我的脚,好吗?”第一个人说。

    立竿见影 有位犹太老人乘火车,一个傲慢的俄国军官坐在他的正对面。
    俄国军官看了看正在吃青鱼的犹太人,得意洋洋地问,为什么都说犹太人很聪明。
    “这是由于青鱼头的缘故。”犹太人说。
    “您说青鱼头是什么意思?”
    “我们是吃整个青鱼,也就是说连头都吃了。”
    “我懂了。您能卖给我两个青鱼头吗?”
    “非常愿意。要2个卢布,”犹太人回答。
    军官虽然觉得很恶心,还是一下把两个青鱼头都咽了下去,突然他叫起来:“你骗我!
    您买的青鱼头根本没这么贵!”
    犹太人满意地点点头:“您看,马上起作用了。”

    倾 诉 一天深夜,女主人接到一个陌生女人打来的电话说:“我恨透我的丈夫了!”
    “你打错电话了。”女主人告诉她。
    她好像没听见,仍滔滔不绝地说下去:“我一天到晚照顾5个孩子,他还以为我在享
    福。有时我想出去散散心,他都不肯,自己却天天晚上出去,说是有应酬,谁会相信!”
    “对不起,”女主人打断她的话,“我不认识你。”“你当然不认识我!”她说,“这
    些话我会对亲朋和认识我的人讲,而弄得满城风雨吗?现在我说了出来,舒服多了,谢谢
    你!”说完,她挂了电话。

    穿错了大衣 饭厅内,一个异常谦恭的人胆怯地碰另一个顾客,那人正在穿一件大衣。“对不起,”
    他问,“请问您是不是让·皮埃尔先生?”
    “不,我不是。”那人回答。
    “啊,”他舒了一口气,“那我没弄错,我就是他,您穿了他的大衣。”


    蜂 蜜 一个加布罗伏人到邻居家作客。主人拿蜂蜜招待他,但蜂蜜既稀薄又没有味道,使得客
    人忍不住说:“很明显,这种蜂蜜是从蜜蜂还没学会酿蜜的那个时代剩下来的。”

    席上斗鸡 一天,玛利宴请女友午餐,那知在餐桌上,女友们互相争执起来,谁也不让谁,越吵越
    厉害。
    玛利为了平息这场争论,说:“女士们!不要吵了,该不是刚刚吃下去的鸡在作祟吧!
    是不是它们在斗!”
    这时,女友们都哄然大笑。


    烦透了 “我真烦透了!”上年纪的女仆对年轻的女仆发牢骚,”要知道,我整天都被迫地重复
    着一句话:‘是,太太!’‘是,太太!’‘是,太太!’”
    “我也烦透了!”年轻女仆回答道,“我也是整天都在重复着一句话:‘不,先
    生!’、‘不,先生!’、‘不,先生!’”

    失 火 一位好莱坞影星的豪华别墅失火了。
    “赶快通知电视台、广播电台和所有各家报社的记者!”主人吩咐女仆。
    “好吧,先生。可消防队还要不要通知呢?”女仆问。

    吃鸟食 “索菲娅,亲爱的,我的丈夫今天早晨是怎么回事?我还从没有见过他上班这样高兴
    过,吹着口哨,跟只小鸟叫一样。”“夫人,恐怕这是我的过错。今天早晨我搞错了一包东
    西,把鸟食当成普通的早饭给他吃了。”
    怎么办?
    “记住,布利奇特,”女主人对新来的女仆说,“我将要求你两件事:老实,听话。”
    “是。夫人。”布利奇特回答道,“如果您让我告诉客人您不在家,而事实上并不是这
    样,那我该怎么办?要老实呢,还是要听话?”

    区别对待 女主人对女佣说:“今晚有客人来家里吃饭。看你能做些什么特别的菜。”
    女佣:“好,太太。你是要客人们吃了还想吃呢,还是永远不想再来?”

    盘子是怎样打碎的 一个仆人不小心打碎了一只珍贵的珐琅盘子。主人看见了碎片,就问是谁打碎的。
    “我打碎的。”仆人回答。
    “怎么打碎的?”
    仆人一时没找到合适的词语表达,便着急地把另一只盘子用胳膊碰掉在地上,说:“就
    是这样打碎的!”

    临别赠言 古巴首都哈瓦那有一位太太因不易和人相处出了名,尽管没有一个人不知道她的脾气,
    但由于她出的工资高,偶然也有人为她工作。有一次这个太太怀了孕,快生产时又和女佣人
    闹翻,那女佣人辞工不干了。但是女佣人临走时,却有礼貌地说:
    “希望你生一个又白又胖的男孩子。”
    “你怎么知道一定是男孩?”太太问。
    “我有把握那一定是一个男孩子,”女佣人答,“没有一个女孩子会和你在一起9个月
    的!”

    先见之明 女电影演员刚刚穿上长罩衫,男仆没敲门就进来了。“利,”女电影演员皱起眉头尽可
    能严肃地说:“难道你不知道,需要敲门吗?要知道,我可能完全光着身子的。”“不必担
    心,夫人,”男仆有把握地说,“在进来之前,我总是从钥匙孔里先看一眼。”

    随和的保姆 女主人问新雇来的保姆:“告诉我,姑娘,你喜欢鹦鹉吗?”
    “别担心,太太,我什么都吃,不挑食。”

    特别优待的地位 管家:“华林切利先生,很遗憾,但我得事先说清楚,我同您的夫人不和。”
    华林切利先生:“怎么啦?她要求您太多了吧?”
    管家:“是的,先生, http://www.snspurs.com/ Tim Duncan home Jersey。女主人忘记了我随时都有可能离开你们,因此她指挥我像指挥您
    一样。”


    信守合同 一个加布罗沃人在一家银行的门口摆摊卖煮老玉米。他的老玉米十分新鲜,前来买的主
    顾很多,因此不久便积攒下了相当可观一笔财产。他的一个熟人听到这消息后,专门跑来,
    想从他那里借一笔钱去做买卖。
    卖老玉米的当时就回答道:“太对不起了!这事照理不成问题,我的朋友。不过当年我
    开始在这里设摊的时候,便已跟这家银行订下合同:彼此决不搞残酷的商业竞争。也就是
    说,银行不卖煮老玉米,我也决不经营贷款业务。我怎能不信守合同呢?”
    “君子之言”
    “您要向我借2万克朗,施坦因先生,您能给我什么保证呢?”
    “我的保证是君子之言!”
    “好吧,借给您。但是您把那位君子带来我看看!”

    借钱的信 有个小伙子的钱花光了,想写信向他的伯父借。然而,他又想给他的伯父一个好印象,
    于是在信封背面写道:“实际上,我是多么后悔给你写这封信啊!我跟着邮递员后边跑,想
    把这封信追回来。”
    他的伯父在回信中写道:“既然你是这样渴望收回你要钱的信,你一定会高兴地知道我
    根本没有收到它。”

    把上帝也骗了 邻村一个农民向加布罗伏人借债。加布罗伏人同意借给他,但要9分利息。
    “你这简直是掠夺嘛!”农民气愤地说。“也不怕上帝惩罚你!”
    “上帝从天上看,这个9跟6一个样。”

    保 密 约翰:“我求你一件事,你能为我保密吗?”
    大卫:“当然可以。”
    约翰:“近来我手头有些紧,你能借给我一些钱吗?”
    大卫:“不必担心,我就当没有听见。”

    脑袋和口袋 甲:“凡是进入我脑袋里的东西,我绝不会忘记。”
    乙:“两个月前,我借给你50个第纳尔,你怎么忘记了呢!”
    甲:“因为那笔钱没进入我的脑袋,而是进入我的口袋里了。”

    欠一个答复 布克去找他的邻居。
    “基扎克,借我一点钱吧!”
    “多少?”
    “50卢布。”
    邻居沉默了。布克等了很久,最后实在忍耐不住了,于是问道:“您为什么不回答?”
    “很简单:我欠您一个答复比您欠我50个卢布合算多啦!”

    向犹太人借钱 伊万想喝酒,便向村里一个犹太人借一个银币。他们双方商量了条件:伊万明春还债,
    还加倍的钱。在此期间他用斧子作抵押。
    伊万刚要走,犹太人叫住他:“伊万,等一等,我想起一件事。到明春要凑足两个银币
    你是有困难的。你现在先付一半不是更好吗?”
    这话使伊万开了窍,他归还了银币。他走在路上又想了一阵子,然后自言自语地说:
    “怪事,银币没了,斧子没了,我还欠一个银币——那犹太人还满有道理!”

    后悔莫及 “对于考古学家来说,100年不过是极短的一段时间。”“啊!我的上帝!昨天,我刚
    借给一位考古学家2000法郎。”

    欠债人的复信 “尊敬的先生:您来信催还债款一事,使本人甚感抱歉。但我只好通知您:我无法付还
    债款,因为我本人和本人的金钱、财产全都怀疑带有传染病菌。由于这种原因,我在精神病
    院住院治疗的一年期间都是与世隔绝的。因此,当您看完这封信之后,望您立即把它焚毁,
    并用消毒剂把双手洗净,这是为您的安全着想。”

    守信用 负债者:“对不起,我这个月不能还钱。”
    债主:“你上个月也是这么说的。”
    负债者:“是啊!我从不变卦,因为我是守信用的人。”

    杀火鸡 一个主顾的欠款拖得时间太长了,老裁缝决定亲自登门去讨债。当他来到那个主顾家
    时,正赶上那人在宰杀一只肥大的火鸡。
    “丢班先生,”老裁缝开门见山,“您还不还给我那笔欠款呢?”
    “啊,我的朋友,我实在没有钱,请再等一等……”
    “没有钱?那您怎么还宰杀火鸡呢?”
    “您别误会,这是因为我实在拿不出什么东西来喂它……”
    -------------------


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

  7. The day after the Colorado Rockies drafted Russell Wilson, his father died. Jay Matthews, the Rockies scout who spent five years coveting Wilson and was sure he would one day play in the major leagues, happened to be driving through Wilson's hometown of Richmond, Va., and called his cell phone.

    Wilson told him the bad news. Diabetes had taken Harrison Wilson III, 55, a man Matthews knew couldn't have been any prouder. His son played football at North carolina State and was about to play baseball for the Rockies and maybe, just maybe, was the evolutionary answer to Deion Sanders and Bo Jackson and Brian Jordan: not just a football player who thrived at baseball but a quarterback who thrived in both sports. Matthews reflexively asked if there was anything he could do.


    On the path toward becoming a QB for the Seahawks, Russell Wilson was a baseball prospect for the Rockies. (AP) …"You can throw me some batting practice, " Wilson said.

    So around 10 p. m., about 24 hours after he said good-bye to his father, Russell Wilson ripped baseballs at a local batting cage with his brother, Harrison IV, and Matthews.

    The world now knows Wilson as the dynamic quarterback of the Seattle Seahawks, the lone rookie signal-caller remaining in an NFL postseason primed to be his, much as every endeavor he undertakes. While the baseball career Wilson left behind is a footnote to his burgeoning legend, it merits more than that, not because Wilson was a superstar waiting to happen but because of how all the characteristics that define him as a quarterback manifested themselves on the diamond, too.

    [MLB springboards: Rockies ranked No. 27]

    The Rockies took a flyer on Wilson, like the Orioles had done after his senior year in high school with a 41st-round pick in 2007. Wilson played baseball at N. C. State for three seasons, though his raw tools never bloomed. Still, Matthews and Danny Montgomery, the Rockies assistant scouting director, were insistent: Even if Wilson might end up in the NFL, take him anyway. What football scouts saw as an unconquerable flaw – he stands 5-feet-10 and change, which makes him a suitable quarterback only in Lilliput – mattered not for a future second baseman. Colorado chose him in the fourth round in 2010, with the 140th overall pick, not much lower than he went two years later in the NFL draft (third and 75th).

    Matthews returned to Richmond for Harrison Wilson III's funeral five days later along with Montgomery, http://www.indianapoliscoltshop.com/ Reggie Wayne Elite Jersey. Wilson, then 21, delivered the eulogy.

    "He was so eloquent, " Matthews said. "You know how you can tell a leader? He has poise in difficult times. He had a black suit on with a purple tie. When he was eulogizing his father, he said I'm going to sign with the Rockies and play baseball this summer. "

    Less than a week later, before he flew to Denver to work out with Rockies brass and sign his contract, Wilson called Matthews, who happened to be driving to Zebulon, N. C., to see the Class A Carolina Mudcats. Wilson asked him to stop in Raleigh. If he was going to play second base, a position he never tried, he wanted a few tips from Matthews, a former infielder. Wilson dared not embarrass himself in front of his new bosses.

    Problem was, Matthews had only 20 minutes. So Wilson improvised and asked him to meet at his apartment. Matthews parked in a street-level garage. Wilson showed up with a ball and a glove.

    "I gave him a crash course in the parking lot, " Matthews said. "Dimly lit. I ended up rolling him about 30 ground balls, and we did double-play pivots. He picked up on it so quick. "

    The next day, Matthews called Rich Dauer, the Rockies coach who once went 86 games and 425 chances at second base without an error. He asked how Wilson did in his workout. Dauer said it was like he had played there for years.

    Wilson committed just one error in 31 games that summer for Low-A Tri-City. The glove wasn't going to be a problem, nor was his speed, which needed only refining. The question always was whether Wilson's bat would grow to major league quality, and the Rockies pegged him as the sort who could grow into a line-drive hitter with excellent plate discipline.

    "Given 1, 500 at-bats in pro ball where he could get in and recognize pitches and get his at-bats, " Matthews said, "he was going to develop into a hitter that could compete at the professional level. "

    [Related: Managers will be able to use cell phones to call bullpen]

    His baseball career ended at 315 at-bats with a. 229/. 354/. 356 line and five home runs. About a year ago, following a transfer to Wisconsin that revitalized his college football career, Wilson told the Rockies he was giving up baseball to pursue football full-time and repaid part of his $250, 000 bonus. It saddened Matthews. All of the things that Wilson's Seahawks teammates rave – the leadership, poise and intangibles necessary to overcome the physical disadvantages – were there in baseball as well. Wilson would show up to the ballpark at 10 a. m. to work on bunting. He asked for extra ground balls in the batting cage. He showed up weeks early to spring training after the grind of a football season to acclimate himself back to baseball.


    Russell Wilson played three season of collegiate ball at N. C. State. (Raleigh News&Observer) He was not going to be another Chris Iannetta or Jeff Baker or Cory Sullivan, all players Matthews signed. Nor would he be James Paxton or Mason Williams or Eddie Rosario, all fourth-round picks in 2010 with good chances to make the major leagues. And not Deion or Bo or certainly Drew Henson, the quarterback who washed out in baseball and football.

    Well, probably not.

    "He's such a strong-willed and -minded person, if he put his mind to it, he could do it, " Matthews said. "When all the naysayers told him he's 5-foot-10, I was saying to myself, 'Don't dare say that. ' He's the kind of person who would prove you wrong. If enough people told him he couldn't come back and play baseball, he might wake up one day and say, 'OK, fine. I'll do it. ' I wouldn't say anything is impossible for that young man. "

    For now, Wilson has the Atlanta Falcons, and the playoffs on his mind. Football is his sport these days, and its glory certainly beats bus trips through the sticks and grinding out at-bats in the swelter of summer. Baseball is there and will welcome him back. And in the meantime, Jay Matthews, Danny Montgomery and everyone in the Rockies organization will dream of a Troy Tulowitzki-Russell Wilson double-play combination and wonder what could have been.

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한심한 대한민국 교육, 시대에 맞게 진화도 하네?


최근 학교 폭력의 심각성이 다시금 사회 문제로 대두되고 있습니다. 학교 폭력을 심하게 당한 대구의 한 여중생의 자살 사건을 계기로 전국 학교의 폭력 사태가 심각하게 여겨지고 있는 가운데, '와이파이 셔틀'이라는 신종 학교 폭력이 등장하고 있습니다.

'OO셔틀' 이라는 말은 인기 게임인 스타크래프트의 프로토스 유닛인 셔틀에서 유래했습니다. 게임상에서 수송선 역할을 하는 셔틀 앞에 단어를 붙여 해당 단어를 날라다주는 역할을 하는 것을 뜻합니다. 예를 들어, '빵셔틀'이란 불량 학생들의 빵 심부름을 하는 학생을 의미하며, '안마셔틀'이란 불량 학생들에게 안마를 해주는 역할을 말합니다.

와이파이 셔틀

신종 학교 폭력 와이파이 셔틀


세상이 스마트해졌는지 이런 학교 폭력에도 스마트 바람이 부는 모양입니다. 참 어이가 없는 일이지요. '와이파이셔틀'이란 불량학생들에게 와이파이를 제공하는 역할을 뜻하는 단어로, 폭력에 못 이겨 강제로 스마트폰 무제한 요금제를 가입하고, 핫스팟 혹은 테더링 서비스를 이용하여 무료 와이파이를 제공하는 형태를 말합니다. 와이파이 셔틀이라니...

필요하지도 않은 무제한 요금제에 강제로 가입하고, 불량 학생들에게 테더링 서비스를 제공하는 식의 폭력이 자행되고 있으며, 이에 대한 괴로움을 호소하는 글이 커뮤니티에 올라오고 있다고 합니다.


학교는 사회의 축소판이라고 합니다. 힘 있는 일진 학생들이 힘 없는 학생들을 괴롭히고, 착취하는 행태를 보면 마치 이 사회 전반에 만연해 있는 현상을 보는 듯 하여 씁슬합니다. 힘 있는 사람들, 권력있는 사람들이 합법적 혹은 편법적으로 힘 없는 사람을 착취하고 있음은 많은 사람들이 암묵적으로 동의하고 있을 것입니다.

이런 환경에서 교육을 받은 학생들의 머릿속에 사회에 대한 인식이 어떻게 박히게 될지, 그들이 커서 기득권을 얻었을 때, 어떤 식으로 행동할지 걱정이 되기도 합니다. 교육은 한나라의 미래라고 하는데, 우리나라의 교육 시스템과 현실을 보자면 암울하고 걱정스럽기만 합니다.

Lost In Translation
Lost In Translation by tochis 저작자 표시비영리


돈이 없으면 공부도 할 수 없고, 힘이 없으면 편하게 학교 다니기 힘든 나라가 '대한민국'입니다. 친구들을 밟고 올라가야 내가 잘 살 수 있고, 성공 할 수 있는 나라가 '대한민국'입니다. 협동보다는 경쟁을 중요시하고, 교육 마저도 시장경제의 논리에 내 맡기는... 학생 한명 한명을 자금 줄로, 돈줄로 보기 시작한 나라가 대한민국입니다.

대한민국의 미래를 바로 세우려면 교육부터 바로잡아야 할 것 같습니다.
( ps. 교육에 대해서도 많은 연구를 해봐야겠네요. 관련 책도 많이 읽고, 열심히 공부해야겠습니다. ^^ )
  1. BlogIcon 별이~ 2012.01.05 09:39 신고

    허걱... 참 어이가 없네요....
    잘보고 갑니다^^ 추운날씨 감기조심하세요^^

  2. BlogIcon 골프존 2012.01.05 10:00 신고

    휴..이건 정말 있어서는 안될 일이 벌어지고 있는 거 같아요
    잘보고 갑니다^^ 날씨 추운데 감기 조심하세요~

  3. BlogIcon 마음노트 2012.01.05 13:25 신고

    뉴스를 통해 봤는데..
    비로서 이게 뭔말인지 알겠네요.
    불량 친구들..이거 혼좀 내야 합니다요.

  4. BlogIcon 와이군 2012.01.05 13:36 신고

    참 별놈들이 다 있네요.
    에효...

  5. BlogIcon 해우기 2012.01.05 14:59 신고

    헉....
    그냥 물리적인 신체폭력이야 참 많은 세대였지만.....

    이런것들을 보면....신기하다고 해야하나요??? 기가막히다고 해야하나요??
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  6. BlogIcon 달콤 시민 2012.01.05 17:16 신고

    흠 정말 이런일이;;;
    휴~ 잘보고 갑니다.
    2012년에는 행복한 일들만 가득했으면 좋겠는데 말예요~^^;

  7. BlogIcon ipolos 2013.02.05 17:47 신고

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  8. BlogIcon New Jordans 2013 2013.02.07 14:50 신고

    拼音:如:古代通道和aacute。



    观察

    调查

    ;英文:词性:动词





    1。[调查]:观察;熟悉的东西,我看到我的孩子



    2。[审查]:;检查或调查的电镜观察表明,周期性结构的



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    成员。

    研究的基础之一。在自然发生的条件,通过感官直接或者借助一些科学,客观,有计划地走访观察形势图和描述对象的方法。科学观察,不同于一般的观察,应该有一个明确的目的;全面和细致的观察,并寻求真理从事实,并及时记录,有时也需要测量;需要较长时间的观察,要有计划,有耐心;观察到积极的思考,讨论和交流。





    1.review;检验;观察;查询。

    “周礼和偏见;官,书记:“秘书”谏,掌校正和建议的朋友,是线和强大的艺术线条,询问和观察。”“后汉传》:“康沃尔虽然没有脚的学科体系的国家,宣布协议期间,这一观察,圣听。”玄奘佛教歌曲”,“王吩咐:“撒丹国驱动,观察2拱,杜鸣心阴,是唯一的国王。”清王滔“< >跋》:“火器或当他观察苏野生生活,渴望。”陈其通”试验漫长的旅程中的“第三”部队进入赤水河停止。李潘,罗顺城到达石观察。”

    2.title。

    节度使区没有观察到,该省被称为“观察”,作为一个国家以上。宋代是观察轴承。作为一名皇帝韩瑜在清朝。”改变盐法事项。”:“其余的观察和总督,官,秘书,参军每月五十千。”河源“春天”,谢说:“看到这个词是在精美的石头说:“这本书是不遵守。”“康有为“<诗>序:“日本”我的朋友说,公司在日本。”看“观察”。3元素

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    观察是有目的的,计划,更持久的知觉活动。观察是人们从事观察活动。



    世界著名生理学家和爱,在他的学院的石头上刻有“观察,观察,然后观察著名”,强调科研的重要性。

  9. BlogIcon Jaqueline Eby 2013.02.24 16:23 신고

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  10. BlogIcon longchamp pliage 2013.02.25 16:06 신고

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  11. BlogIcon QC800 2013.03.21 17:47 신고

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  12. BlogIcon rfid电子标签 2013.03.22 14:49 신고

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  15. 난 정말이 블로그에 기사를 읽을 것을 좋아합니다. 공유 주셔서 감사합니다

  16. BlogIcon 全讯网2 2013.03.26 13:27 신고

    日本将发行"夏季巨彩" 头奖每注奖额高达4亿日元
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  17. BlogIcon 博狗备用网址 2013.07.25 17:01 신고

    좋은
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  18. BlogIcon Shanwei florist 2013.07.30 16:29 신고

    좋은
    Blue Danube - Introduction
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    second waltz first appeared in D major, clever and varied second waltz depicts the foot of the Southern Alps little girls, dressed in velvet skirts dancing merrily; suddenly tune into B flat major , varied colors extraordinarily moving.

    third waltz is a singing melody, this music segmentation using rhythm, gives a warm feeling of novelty.

    fourth waltz rhythm at the beginning of more freedom, upward melodic arpeggios that even the composer himself very proud, as if spring, refreshing.

    fifth Waltz Waltz is the fourth continuation and development of musical emotions, just go to the A flat major. Undulating, wave-like melody reminiscent of carefree boating on the Danube at the scene. The next part is the climax and the end of the whole song. End of a song, there are two, one is the end of the chorus type, then after the fifth Waltz, very short. Another is the orchestra at the end, long, followed by reproduction of the third waltz, the fourth and the first waltz waltz theme, finally ending in a flurry style carnival atmosphere.

    this song was born in the "goddess of the Danube," said the Austrian capital Vienna

이클립스 테마 설정 - 이클립스 컬러테마


흰색 배경에 검은색 코드로 개발을 하다보면 눈이 빠질정도로 피로해지는 것을 느낄 수 있습니다. 그럴 경우 Linux의 VIM 에디터 스타일의 개발 환경이 그리워지게 되지요. 이클립스의 기본 테마는 이렇게 많이 이용되지만 개발자의 시력 감퇴의 주요 원인으로 지목되고 있습니다.

그래서 흰색 배경의 이클립스 기본 테마를 시력 보호를 위해 어두운 배경의 테마로 변경해보도록 하겠습니다.



(1) 이클립스를 실행합니다


이클립스 컬러 테마 설정





(2) 기본 화면은 이렇게 텍스트 에디터 부분이 흰색입니다. 이를 이클립스 컬러 테마를 이용해서 변경해보도록 하겠습니다.


이클립스 컬러 테마 설정




(3) [Help] - [Eclipse Marketplace] 를 선택합니다.


이클립스 컬러 테마 설정




(4) 잘은 모르겠지만 이클립스를 튜닝할 수 있는 이런저런 도구들이 있나 봅니다. 아래와 같은 화면이 뜨게 됩니다.


이클립스 컬러 테마 설정




(5) 검색창에 'Color' 라고 입력하시면 'Eclipse Color Theme' 이라는 항목이 나옵니다. 이클립스 컬러 테마를 변경 할 수 있게 해주는 항목입니다. 아래 쪽에 'Install' 을 클릭합니다. 


이클립스 컬러 테마 설정




(6) 설치를 시작합니다.


이클립스 컬러 테마 설정





(7) 해외에서 받아오는지 아니면 저희 연구실 네트웍 상황이 메롱이라서 그런지는 모르겠지만 한참 걸려야 설치 파일을 다운 받습니다.  '참을 인' 이 3개면 살인도 면한다니 기다려보시기 바람니다.


이클립스 컬러 테마 설정




(8) 다운로드 완료! [Next] 버튼을 눌러 설치를 진행합니다.


이클립스 컬러 테마 설정




(9) 라이센스 동의서입니다. 잘 읽어보면 '뼈와 살을 분리한다' 라는 항목이 있을 수도 있으니 꼼꼼히 읽어보시기 바랍니다.


이클립스 컬러 테마 설정




(10) 설치를 시작합니다. 이클립스 컬러 테마가 설치되고 있습니다.


이클립스 컬러 테마 설정



(11) 설치를 하다보면 중간에 보안 경고가 뜹니다. 쿨하게 'Ok'를 눌러줍니다.


이클립스 컬러 테마 설정




(12) 잠시후 설치가 완료되고 이클립스를 재시작 하겠다는 메시지가 뜹니다. 'Restart Now'를 클릭하여 이클립스를 재시작합니다. 


이클립스 컬러 테마 설정




(13) 이클립스가 재실행 됩니다.


이클립스 컬러 테마 설정



(14) 재실행 됩니다..


이클립스 컬러 테마 설정




(15) 뭐야 이거 안 바뀌었잖아!! 이거 사기네...

      라고 말하지 마세요.. 제대로 설치 완료 되었고, 아직 설정을 안해서 흰색 기본 배경이 보이는 것입니다.


이클립스 컬러 테마 설정




(16) [Window] - [Preferences] 를 선택합니다.


이클립스 컬러 테마 설정




(17) 이런 창이 뜹니다.


이클립스 컬러 테마 설정




(18) [General] - [Appearance] - [Color Theme] 을 선택해줍니다. 제대로 설치가 되었다면 원래 없던 이 녀석이 떠야합니다.


이클립스 컬러 테마 설정




(19) Theme 항목에서 아무거나 골라잡고 클릭을 하면 옆에 예제가 나옵니다. 문자열의 색, 예약어의 색, 변수명의 색 등등 여러분 마음에 드는 테마를 골라서 설정해 주면 됩니다.


이클립스 컬러 테마 설정




(20) 색상 적용을 위해서 몇몇 에디터화면은 닫힐 수도 있다는 경고입니다. 저장을 안한녀석이 있다면 저장을 해주세요.


이클립스 컬러 테마 설정




(21) 적용이 완료되었습니다.


이클립스 컬러 테마 설정




대한민국 개발자분들의 눈 건강을 위하여, 흰색 배경의 에디터를 어두운 계열로 바꾸어 코딩하시기 바랍니다. 하루이틀 개발하는 것도 아니고, 오랫동안 먹고 살아야 할 텐데 눈 건강이 나빠지면 안되겠지요 ^^

이클립스 컬러 테마 설정 방법이었습니다.
  1. 이전 댓글 더보기
  2. 순간이동갈비 2012.08.17 21:41 신고

    XCode에서 검은색 테마 사용하다 얼마전부터 이클립스를 사용하기 시작했는데.
    이클립스는 에디터 테마 변경을 못하나... 하고 포기하고 그냥 쓰고있었습니다...
    몇일간 하루종일 코딩만 했더니 눈이 침침했었는데... ㅠㅠ 감사합니다 ㅠㅠ 헣허헣

  3. BlogIcon Jordan Shoes 2013 2013.02.07 14:51 신고

    在结束

    年,足尖,まま:康涅狄格州开始新一年的牺牲行为宫(康涅狄格州)れ辅助线。室内:今年80岁,从皇帝的负担,减少光,但也从一代的牺牲也开始れ德,威严的情况下通过繁忙的一天,所以也れ是

    康涅狄格州。

    陛下在下午晚些时候,宫殿的“假日倍德(出版,这个仪器。”),是一家专业れ马达。:行为,女王陛下:本身,如线れ你干净(没有)是从1年前的折叠的仪式,它在六月三十日回国,并从十二月三十一日下旬线れる。出发之前支气管肺炎回到大学平成23年大晚,显示在控制れ所以是基于

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    年明~德寺,当它发现:黑暗前五三零牺牲“四方”专业れ揭示。伊势神宫岭,四神,所以(远)从四方,空气。你寒冷地区室外艾希肯纳兹れ,是必要的,也是从物理方法。你住它的发现,故宫的三支付从寺本电子制造业,去年开始撤退:科学研究院,认为:帝国在线是让れ~现在。

    |陛下的健康状况:良好的时候,这一年在康涅狄格州れ去年也是这样,从外形上广场:帝国线れ。”教育科学碳酸盐丹设备提供:去年,连同其他在同一时间开始,所以从棕榈屋仪式代码生成れ是长。

    线。

    , http://www.airjordanshoes2013.us Jordan Shoes 2013,在早上后女王陛下:康涅狄格州和新一年的情况下保持“祝贺”的工具,并れ是亲。脚:夫妇:从皇家宴会你将它。科学是安倍晋三总理~三长,内阁成员,成员大会,认证官和4回分公司~特殊日本大使,下午在康涅狄格州,它是|推出。|





    日本战斗机的中国海上巡逻飞机







    日本国防部整合人员监督部门发出通知,







    日本国防部吸引中国海监飞机|示意图

    |凤凰卫视的“新闻”在一月五日“中国飞机再次巡航钓鱼岛日本战斗机拦截开始”,以下的记录:



    刘珊玲根据表:东京记者李苗族收到消息,日本国防部今天说,中国飞机在钓鱼岛附近120公里以北的日本自卫队,紧急出动拦截飞机。在新的形势下,我们立刻起身寺庙在东京。

    |李淼:你好

    |山灵。

    刘珊玲:中国飞机在钓鱼岛海域,你知道最新消息吗?



    李淼:我刚到日本国防部一体化的助手确认一次,他给我们的最新消息,今天(一月五日)清晨,他未透露具体的时间,日本自卫队的雷达发现了中国国家海洋局在12飞机出现在鱼钓岛的飞

    附近。

    出现在钓鱼岛是日本“位置”,是20公里;距钓鱼岛,地点在距离110公里以上日本要求日本立即开始,日本战斗机拦截。

  4. BlogIcon Swingman Jersey 2013.02.19 10:57 신고

    1、不许动!抢劫!全部举起手来!男的站左边,女的站右边,变态的站中间,哎!说的就是你,还装着看手机!

    2、由于你的移动电话外型极其丑陋,北京电信已给你停机。请本月底前来办理停机手续。

    3、猪的四大理想:四周篱笆全撤掉,天上往下掉饲料。世界屠夫死翘翘,全国人民信回教。

    4、单身是领悟,恋爱是失误,分手是觉悟,结婚是错误,离婚是大彻大悟! 没有情人是废物,情人多了是动物!

    5、两头牛在吃草。其中一头说;“最近流行疯牛病,我们不会被传染上吧?”另一头说;“不会,我们是袋鼠啊。”已经疯了!

    6、猎人发现一只猪,举起猎枪打死了猪,猎人走近猪,猪却起来了,知道为什么?猜不到?猪也正纳闷呢。

    7、有一个女生去牧场见习挤牛奶,可别人都挤了一桶了,她还只挤了一点,正着急,突然老牛说了:小姐,你挤错地方了!

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    32、男人的四大理想:天上纷纷掉钞票,帅男统统都死掉,美女脑子都锈掉,争着抢着要我泡。

    33、爱一个人容易养一个人难啊

  5. BlogIcon Andrew Luck Blue Jersey 2013.02.25 17:40 신고

    Kemba Walker had 20 points, including four in overtime, as the Charlotte Bobcats won for just the second time in 21 games 108-101 over the Detroit Pistons on Sunday.

    Ben Gordon, traded to Charlotte during the offseason after three disappointing seasons with the Pistons, had 18 points in his return to The Palace. Ramon Sessions added 15 points and Bismack Biyombo contributed 10 points and 17 rebounds. Charlotte (9-24) forced 22 turnovers, which it converted into 26 points.

    Tayshaun Prince's 21 points led the Pistons (13-23), who had their four-game winning streak snapped. Greg Monroe had 18 points and 14 rebounds and Rodney Stuckey contributed 18 points for Detroit.

    The Bobcats are 3-1 in overtime games while the Pistons fell to 0-3.

    The score was 96-all going into overtime. Tyrus Thomas made a jumper on Charlotte's first overtime possession and Walker doubled the lead with a layup. Detroit finally broke through on Monroe's free throws with 2: 06 remaining.

    Thomas made another mid-range shot to nudge Charlotte's lead back to four. Walker's reverse layup with 1: 13 left made it 104-98.

    Stuckey's off-balance 3-pointer with 24. 4 seconds left sliced the Bobcats' lead in half but Michael Kidd-Gilchrist hit two free throws five seconds later. When Charlie Villanueva missed a 3-pointer on Detroit's next possession, the Bobcats' victory was secured.

    Sessions' layup with 9: 21 remaining in regulation gave the Bobcats an 85-84 lead. Andre Drummond then threw down two alley-oops from Will Bynum to put Detroit back on top. Gordon's 3-pointer with 3: 44 remaining tie it at 92-92, http://www.chibearsshop.com/ Bears Peppers Elite Nike Jersey.

    Monroe's driving layup was offset by two Gordon free throws. Prince made a jump hook with 2: 01 left for a 96-94 Detroit advantage. Neither team scored again until Walker‘s tying layup with 7. 8 seconds remaining.

    Stuckey tossed up a 3-point airball that went out of bounds with one second left and Gordon's desperation 3-point try also fell short.

    The Pistons scored a season-high 60 halftime points, yet led by only one at the break. Detroit's 64. 1 percent shooting was offset by its nine turnovers, leading to 16 Bobcats points, and Charlotte's 14-4 advantage in made free throws.

    Bobcats forward Hakim Warrick (flu-like symptoms) was a late scratch.

  6. Grand Valley State, where he won two national titles, to Central Michigan, where he won a MAC championship, to the University of Cincinnati, where he led a team to a 12-0 record, to, now, Notre Dame, where in his third season he took the once moribund Irish to the national title game, there's an obvious constant.

    Brian Kelly has always been successful. And Brian Kelly has always been a climber.

    That the NFL was on the horizon should surprise no one. Until word broke Wednesday with ESPN saying Kelly has met with the Philadelphia Eagles and there is mutual interest, the horizon still seemed off in the distance.
    Brian Kelly has reportedly interviewed with the Philadelphia Eagles. (USA Today)
    The interview, according to the NFL Network, took place Tuesday, http://www.csnKnicks.com/ Free shipping Kidd Road jersey, just hours after the Irish's 42-14 BCS title game loss to Alabama, a disappointment that only slightly diminished a dream season. Kelly is now said to be out of the country for a brief vacation, an entirely separate bizarre turn. Notre Dame declined to comment on the reports.

    For Philadelphia, there is risk all over this one. Kelly doesn't have a single day of NFL experience, either as a player or a coach. At the same time there's a simple and powerful angle to sell the fan base. Kelly wins. Everywhere. And he did it at programs that either hadn't ever achieved such success, or in the case of Notre Dame, not seen it for years.



    A Philly fan base desperate for success after the slide under Andy Reid might buy into that. And while he's known as an offensive coach, a developer of talent and a fine motivator, this past season he won with defense in South Bend, a desperate need for the Eagles. Moreover, he's known as a terrific in-game manager, with solid adjustments. There's no need to bring up Reid's reputation on that.

    Still, this would be a leap of faith. Kelly played ball at little Assumption College in Massachusetts, and after a brief stint in political organization he worked his way up slowly through the college coaching ranks. His time at even the highest level of college football is limited – three years at ND and three years at UC, if you consider the Big East that.

    [Related: Manti Te'o's draft stock in doubt after tough BCS title game ]

    At 51 he would arrive as a newcomer to the league, yet lacking the reputation as an offensive savant like Oregon's Chip Kelly, whom the Eagles, among others, also pursued.

    This would be, for Philly, a gamble.

    It would be, for Brian Kelly, a stunning departure also.


    Again, only the most devout Irish fan could believe that Kelly was going to stay forever in South Bend. In truth, the national demands of the job, from recruiting to alumni responsibilities, tend to wear everyone out. Lou Holtz, the last ND coach who wasn't asked to leave, said he was so exhausted after 11 seasons he thought he was too tired to coach anymore. After a brief rest, he realized he was just too tired to coach Notre Dame, so he took the South Carolina job.

    [Related: Robert Griffin III, other NFL players likely fearful of 'Jay Cutler' treatment]

    Kelly is only in his third season, one in which the Irish arrived in national contention ahead of schedule. This would seem to be the time for Kelly to enjoy the fruits of his labor, to ride the momentum and see exactly what this program can do. He's always been pushing for the next job. Now here was a job he could dig in and see what was possible.

    No, the blowout loss to 'Bama wasn't fun, but no one thought the Irish would get to the title game this year, and no one thinks it's their last crack. The Irish, as long as Kelly was around, were back.


    The Eagles are searching for a replacement for head coach Andy Reid. (AP) He returns a star-studded team, including most of the vaunted defensive line, freshman quarterback Everett Golson and plenty of skill players. Manti Te'o has graduated, but there is plenty of young talent there.

    And more is coming. Kelly is sitting on the current No. 1 ranked recruiting class according to rivals.com, a group flush with the kind of athletes from across the country that Notre Dame knows it needs if it wants to come back and beat an Alabama some day.

    "Winning, " Kelly said earlier this year, "sure does help. "

    Yet just days after brushing aside, but not burying, interest in the NFL, he's reportedly looking at the opportunity to take on another enormous challenge, at the game's highest level.

    For Notre Dame this is a gut-punch. The Irish have suffered through nearly two decades of poor to average coaches while a perception was built that the school could never again be nationally relevant due to strict academics, location, a lack of conference affiliation and a host of other items.

    Then when Notre Dame finally gets a capable coach who quickly proves none of that is true, who restores a measure of glory and has the program primed for even more, it might lose him?

    That quickly? And to the Eagles?

    You could argue this is a classic power play to use NFL interest – real or rumored – into a lucrative contract extension. Notre Dame is the king of those sucker jobs, having once handed Charlie Weis a ten-year deal just because gossip spread that an NFL team might want to talk to him at the end of the season.


    [Yahoo! Sports Radio: Texans' Owen Daniels on rematch in New England]

    The thing is that Kelly was already going to get paid. He was already in the perfect position. He restored Notre Dame, bringing joy to one of the wealthiest alumni bases in major college football. He'd earned his raise.

    No, the interest in the NFL is real. It's always been real, the ultimate spot for an upwardly mobile coach.

    Brian Kelly has always won. Brian Kelly has always climbed.

    In a nervous South Bend, with no obvious big-name, proven successor (defensive coordinator Bob Diaco? )#) standing by, everyone waits to see if the jump comes sooner, far sooner, than they ever imagined.

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    Tony Parker, Tim Duncan help Spurs rout Memphis Grizzlies

    Tony Parker had 17 points and 11 assists and Tim Duncan added 19 points to help the San Antonio Spurs beat the Memphis Grizzlies 103-82 on Wednesday night, extending their home winning streak to 13 games.
    The Spurs shot 58 percent from the field in becoming just the third team to score more than 100 points against the Grizzlies. Boris Diaw added 14, Kawhi Leonard 13 and Tiago Splitter 10 for San Antonio (30-11).

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    NOTES: Spurs G Manu Ginobili (left hamstring) missed his fifth game of the season.. Grizzlies F Quincy Pondexter (MCL strain) did not play.. San Antonio is 5-3 to start January after going 12-4 in December.. The Spurs have scored at least 100 points in every game during their home winning streak with the exception of a 99- 94 victory over New Orleans on Dec. 21.. San Antonio has won 16 of 17 home games against Memphis.. The Spurs are the only active franchise with a. 500 or better record in the regular season against every existing NBA team.

    /
    Spurs Sued By Miami Attorney For Sitting Tim Duncan, Other Star Players For November Game


    The San Antonio Spurs have already drawn the ire of David Stern this season. Now the team may have to fight its case in court as well.

    ESPN.com’s Darren Rovell reports that Miami-Dade County attorney Larry McGuinness has filed a class action suit against Spurs coach Gregg Popovich, claiming that he and other fans “suffered economic damages” when Popovich chose not to play Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, Manu Ginobili and Danny Green in a Nov. 29 game against the Heat in Miami without informing the league beforehand.

    “It was like going to Morton’s Steakhouse and paying $63 for porterhouse and they bring out cube steak, ” McGuinness said. “That’s exactly what happened here. ”

    Stern, the NBA’s commissioner, was similarly angered by Popovich’s decision to send four healthy players home, and fined the team $250, 000.

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▶ 안드로이드 vs 크롬북 ( 트위터편 )


그럼 화면을 비교해보도록 하겠습니다.




우선 인터페이스가 PC버전의 트위터와 다릅니다.

트위터가 갖고 있는 모든 정보를 한 화면에 전부 표현 할 수 없구요.

작은 화면에 다닥다닥 트윗들이 붙어 있는 것을 보니 답답하게 느껴집니다.


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답답함을 더 크게 느낄 수 있습니다.






트윗을 입력하는 화면에서는 더욱 더 답답합니다.

화면의 절반이 키패드로 바뀌면서 더욱 더 좁게 느껴집니다.

다만 GPS 기능과 카메라와 연동하여 사진 촬영 등을 할 수 있어

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반면 크롬북은 일반 브라우저에서 트위터를 사용하는 것처럼 트위터를 이용할 수 있습니다.


더 넓은 화면에서 익숙한 PC 버전의 인터페이스에


트위터에서 이용 할 수 있는 수 많은 정보들을 한눈에 볼 수 있습니다.



게다가 트윗을 입력할 때, 화면의 절반이 키패트로 바뀌어서 답답함을 느껴야 할 일도 없습니다.


스마트폰의 트위터 어플의 경우 오타가 굉장히 많이 나는데, 크롬북을 이용한다면 키보드를 누르기때문에


오타가 많이 줄어들게 되지요.







크롬북에도 카메라는 달려있습니다.

전면부에 조그마한 카메라가 달려있어 사용할 수 있을 것처럼 보입니다.

이 카메라를 이용해서 셀카를 찍고 트위터에 업로드 하고 싶지만 아직은 사용할 수 없습니다.

대신 저장되어 있는 이미지 파일을 업로드 하는 방식을 사용해야합니다. ( 일반 PC에서 처럼말이죠 )

사진을 직접 찍어서 업로드 하는 과정은 안드로이드 어플이 훨씬 편리하군요.








▶ 안드로이드 vs 크롬북 ( 페이스북 )


이번엔 페이스북을 사용해 보겠습니다.

페이스북의 대표 어플을 이용해서 페이스북을 이용해보겠습니다.




페이스북은 하나의 거대한 플랫폼입니다.

소셜네트워크라는 그래프 기반의 데이터에 페이지를 비롯한 이런저런 앱들이 올려져 있는 형태입니다.

하지만 안드로이드 어플리케이션을 이용한다면 그 엄청난 기능들을 모두 다 활용하기가 힘듭니다.


소셜 게임의 경우엔 별도의 어플리케이션을 설치해야 하지요.






뉴스 피드를 보시면 트위터와 마찬가지로 좁은 화면에 친구의 소식들이 다닥다닥 붙어 나옵니다.

다소 답답한 면이 있지요.






페이스북에 상태를 업데이트하기 위해서 사용하는 인터페이스입니다.

글을 입력하는 동안에는 다른 글들을 읽을 수 없습니다.






크롬북을 이용해서 페이스북을 사용한 모습입니다.


역시 큰 화면에 많은 정보를 볼 수 있습니다.


페이스북이 제공하고 있는 다양한 기능들을 십분 활용 할 수 있지요.







특히 소셜 게임의 플레이가 클릭하나로 가능하다는데에 장점이 있습니다.

안드로이드에서는 별도의 구동 어플리케이션을 다운받아야 하지만

크롬북에서는 클릭하나만 하면 플래시 기반의 클라이언트가 구동되어 바로 게임을 진행 할 수 있습니다.

다만 게임이 많이 끊기긴 합니다. 조금 많이 끊깁니다.

아마도 무선랜 속도의 문제도 있는것 같습니다.
( 나중에 LTE나 와이브로를 적용 할 수 있다면 문제 없이 사용 할 수 있겠네요 )






당연한 이야기이지만 보다 넓은 크롬북을 이용해서 소셜네트워크 서비스를 이용하게 되면 더 편리합니다. 크롬북을 이용하면,

1. 오타가 줄어듭니다.
2. 넓은 화면에서 볼 수 있습니다.
3. 서드파티 어플리케이션( Twitpic 같은 )을 쉽게 이용 할 수 있습니다.
4. 트위터에서 제공하는 다양한 기능들을 제약없이 사용 할 수 있습니다.


하지만 크롬북을 사용하면서 불편한 점도 있습니다.

1. 아무래도 넷북의 일종이기 때문에 모빌리티가 떨어집니다.
2. 카메라를 직접 활용 할 수 없습니다.
3. GPS 정보를 이용해서 위치 정보를 이용 할 수 없습니다.
4. 와이파이 모델 크롬북의 경우 와이파이가 없다면 이용 할 수 없습니다. ( 3G 모델은 추후에 나올 예정이라고 하네요 )


정리를 하자면, 이동중에 사용하기엔 안드로이드가 편합니다. 하지만 카페에 앉아서 사용하거나 책상에 앉아서 사용하기엔 크롬북이 훨씬 편리합니다.






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[삼성 시리즈5 크롬북] 크롬북으로의 첫 로그인


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삼성 시리즈5 크롬북



크롬북을 켜면 위와 같이 크롬 마크가 뜹니다.


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크롬북을 처음 실행하시면 위와 같은 4단계의 초기 설정 단계를 거치게 됩니다.

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우선 크롬북에서 사용 할 언어의 선택과 네트워크를 선택합니다.


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영어 공부 하고 싶으신 분은 영어로 해주셔도 됩니다.







그 다음 네트워크를 선택합니다.

삼성 크롬북에는 유선 랜 포트가 없습니다.

그렇기 때문에 무조건 무선랜 환경이 갖춰져 있어야 합니다.
( 그래서 무선 공유기를 구입하는 출혈을 감수해야 했습니다. 무선 공유기 개봉기 및 리뷰는 나중에 기대해 주세요 ^^ )



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앞으로 계속 사용할 무선랜 정보를 입력합니다.

저의 개발자 필명인 hackin 이라는 이름으로 무선랜 SSID 를 만들어 뒀습니다.

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이런식으로 잡힙니다.


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( 물론 나중에 다른 무선랜 신호도 저장을 해두면 크롬북이 알아서 잡아주게 됩니다. )


[계속]을 눌러서 진행합니다.



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이런저런 크롬북 이용 약관이 나옵니다.


잘 살펴보면 "뼈와 살이 분리됩니다." 이런게 있을라나요?


꼼꼼히 읽어보시기 바랍니다.




삼성 시리즈5 크롬북




"동의 및 계속"을 누르시면 시스템 업데이트를 합니다.


크롬의 최신 버전으로 업데이트가 됩니다.


무선랜 속도에 따라서 다를 수도 있지만 제법 시간이 많이 걸리더군요.


그 동안 티비 좀 보고 있었습니다.




삼성 시리즈5 크롬북




어느새 업데이트가 끝나고 로그인 화면이 나왔습니다.


크롬북에서 계정은 컴퓨터에 따로 저장되는 것이 아니라 구글 계정을 이용해서 로그인합니다.


크롬 OS를 사용하면 이런저런 설정을 저장하면 자동으로 구글 서버에 저장됩니다.

( 그 설정을 크롬 브라우저에서 불러다가 쓸 수도 있고, 구글계정을 이용해서 클라우드 서비스를 받을 수도 있습니다. )





삼성 시리즈5 크롬북




가지고 계신 구글 계정으로 로그인을 하시면 계정을 대표할 이미지를 선택 할 수 있습니다.


첫 번째 카메라 아이콘을 클릭하시면 사진을 찍을 수도 있는것 같네요.

( 저는 다른 무난한 이미지로 했습니다. ^^ )




삼성 시리즈5 크롬북




크롬북에 별도의 마우스가 딸려오지 않더군요.

( 실제 판매되는 크롬북에는 어떻게 될지 모르지만 마우스는 들고 다니기 번거롭죠 )


대신 크롬북에 있는 터치패드를 이용해서 마우스 커서를 컨트롤 해야 합니다.


이런 터치패드에 익숙치 않은 유저분들을 위해서 터치패드 사용법 익히기 페이지가 뜹니다.







하나하나 따라해 봅시다.


다른 노트북의 사용법과 비슷합니다만,


우클릭이라든가 드래그 앤 드롭은 살짝 다를 수도 있습니다. 


( 그리고 클릭이 물리적으로 버튼을 누르는 식인데, 다른 노트북처럼 터치형 클릭으로 바꿀 수도 있습니다. 그 방법은 나중에 따로 포스팅 하도록 하겠습니다. ^^ )



삼성 시리즈5 크롬북




별로 어렵지 않은 터치패드 사용법 익히기를 수료하면 축하를 해줍니다.


여튼 우리나라 사회에 감사합니다, 축하합니다, 미안합니다 라는 말이 많아졌으면 좋겠습니다 ( 응? )


"웹 스토어로 이동"을 클릭하면,




삼성 시리즈5 크롬북




웹스토어 화면이 뜹니다.


웹스토어란 안드로이드나 아이폰 어플처럼 크롬 OS 환경에서 구동되는 어플리케이션을 말합니다.


이 웹 스토어에서 구할 수 있는 어플들은 크롬 OS, 크롬 브라우저에서 구동이 됩니다.


아직은 어플이 많지 않지만 점점 늘어나고 있는 추세입니다.


시간을 갖고 기다려 보도록 하지요.


앞으로 웹 어플도 리뷰를 많이 하도록 하겠습니다.




삼성 시리즈5 크롬북




이제 크롬북 튜토리얼이 끝났습니다.

컴맹도 쉽고 빠르게 사용 할 수 있는 크롬북. 쉽게 쉽게 인터넷을 이용할 수 있고, 보안 걱정도 Windows 노트북보다 덜한 크롬북입니다.






  1. 이전 댓글 더보기
  2. BlogIcon +요롱이+ 2011.09.27 14:33 신고

    오호... 탐나네요... ㅎ
    써보고 싶어요 ㅎ

  3. BlogIcon 풀칠아비 2011.09.27 15:27 신고

    크롭북! 갑자기 관심이 확 가는데요.
    잘 보고 갑니다. 행복한 하루 보내세요.

  4. BlogIcon 샤프심 2011.09.27 16:06 신고

    무게나 사용시간등 여러면에서 편리해보이는데,
    습관화된 윈도우 사용환경을 얼마나 대체할 수 있을지 궁금하네요~

  5. BlogIcon 모아디 2011.09.27 16:27 신고

    오랜만에 들렀습니다. 인터페이스가 참 크롬 스럽네요 ㅎㅎ
    오에스가 가벼워져서 엠에스와 균형이 맞는 시장이 되었으면 좋겠네요.

  6. BlogIcon 달콤 시민 2011.09.27 17:31 신고

    저도 써보고 싶네요~
    웬지 포스가 남다른것 같습니다.ㅎㅎㅎ

  7. BlogIcon 노지 2011.09.27 18:46 신고

    11월달에 구매하려고 생각중인데...그땐 꼭 가격이 내려가면 좋겠습니다. ㅎㅎㅎ

  8. BlogIcon 사랑퐁퐁 2011.09.27 19:09 신고

    크롬북도 있었네요...
    좋은리뷰 정말 잘 얻어 갑니다..
    즐거운 하루 되세요^^

  9. BlogIcon 별이 2011.09.28 00:11 신고

    코롬북 저도 갖고 싶어지는걸요^^
    행복한 저녁 보내시고 좋은꿈 꾸세요^^

  10. BlogIcon 역기드는그녀 2011.09.28 00:15 신고

    너무 멋집니다 ~
    보면볼수록 탐나네요 ^^

  11. BlogIcon 와이군 2011.09.28 14:31 신고

    상당히 편리할듯 합니다.
    크롬os를 virtualbox에라도 깔아봐야겠네요. ㅠ.ㅜ

  12. BlogIcon manwon 2011.09.29 01:39 신고

    크롬북 실제 화면은 꼬마낙타님 블로그에서 처음 보네요..
    저도 브라우져로 크롬을 많이 쓰는데 가끔 웹스토어 들어가보니까
    점점 충실해져가고 있는 것 같아요.
    건브로스인가 나와서 할려고 했더니 xp는 지원이 안되는 것 같은..
    ㅎㅎ

  13. 1996年度最差诺贝尔奖

    颁奖仪式主题:生物的多样性. 主要内容:
    当你洗手时,你就杀死了数十亿个细菌,而这是不公正的,细菌也有他们
    的权利.因此,你应该减少或不洗手.

    公共卫生奖: Harad Moi
    原因:发现了一种通过可充气的洋娃娃传染的淋病感染病例.

    艺术奖: Don Featherstone
    原因:其鼓动人们购买粉红色火烈鸟草地装挝?以迷惑将来的考古学家"

    学奖:共同授予5位烟草公司的主管. 原因:证明"尼古丁不会使人上瘾"

    物理奖:Robert Mattews
    原因:证明面包片从餐桌掉落时,涂有奶油的一面的确是向下的.

    生物学奖:Anders Baerheim & Hogne Sandvik
    得奖论文:>

    和平奖:法国总统Yark Sthilark
    原因:在广岛遭原子弹轰炸50周年时在太平洋地区进行核实验"以进行纪念".

    化学奖:George Goble
    原因:使用液态氧和焦炭在3秒之内点燃一只烤全猪.

    生物多样性奖:日本 Chonosuke Okamura 原因:声称发现了龙.(化石)

    经济学奖:Robert Genco
    原因:发现"经济拮据是破坏性牙周病的一个风险指标"

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    打赌

    话说某日张三与李四一起看电影...
    张三发现前面坐了个光头,就对李四说:
    "打赌五佰;我去打那个光头却不被他骂!"
    李四想:哪有可能;就赌了
    只见张三走到前面;"啪"就往那光头头上一打,并说
    " 小王啊!这麽巧,也来看电影! "
    光头说"先生,我不是小王耶! "
    "啊?你不是小王?喔!对不起我认错人了 "
    就这样,张三就赚到了五佰.
    没多久,张三又说了 "信不信我再去 K 他一次不被骂!赌五佰!"
    李四想:哪有人无辜被陌生人 K 两次不翻脸的,就赌了!
    只见张三走到前面;"啪"就往那光头头上一打,并说
    " 小王啊!这麽巧,也来看电影! "
    光头说"先生,我不是小王耶! "
    "啊?你不是小王?喔!对不起我认错人了 "
    就这样,张三就赚到了五佰.
    没多久,张三又说了 "信不信我再去 K 他一次不被骂!赌五佰!"
    李四想:哪有人无辜被陌生人 K 三次不翻脸的,就赌了!
    同样的,张三走到前面,又往那光头拍了一下 ,说 :
    "小王啊!别这样嘛! 只不过欠我几万就装做不认识我了啊!"
    光头虽然很火也只能说"先生!我真的不是啊!你认错了!"
    张三"ㄟ.....真对不起啊!电影院太黑了,所以....对不起!"
    又给张三赚了五佰!
    这个光头越想越不爽,就换了一个位子,以免又无辜被K了
    只见张三笑著对李四说"好啦!给你个机会还本!赌一千,我再去
    K他一次不被骂!"
    " 这哪有可能!你不被打就偷笑了,好!我赌了 "
    张三就站了起来往前走到光头旁;又"啪"的一声然後说
    "小王啊!原来你坐这啊!我还把坐在那的那锅光头认成你了耶!"

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    01。atm___another techincal mistake
    02。bbs___逼必死
    mba=married but available
    sna=single but not available
    03。消息:让女人说“天啊!”的东西。
    04。自满:拿别人的缺点和自己的优点作比较时得到那种感觉。
    05。世故:不张嘴就能打哈欠的能力。
    06。不幸:因相信别人都是幸福的而产生的那种感觉。
    07。魅力:让人觉得你和他都愉快的力量。
    08。官语:一种人们能看得懂每个字,而看不懂每个句子的官方语言。
    09。道歉:犯错误后说的正确的话。
    10。自私:唯一离开营养也能滋长的东西
    11。时间:人们总想扼杀它,但最后被它扼杀的东西。
    12。古董:对穷人来说太旧,但对富人来说太新的东西。
    13。诊断:医生先问病人,然后病人再问医生的过程。
    14。报复:因为狗咬了你,所以你也咬狗。
    15。情书:开头时不知道自己要说什么,结尾时不知道自己说了什么的信。
    16。婚姻:一场永无止尽的谈话,在谈话中妻子说得越多,丈夫听得越少。
    17。爱情:在你觉得生活无法再好时开始,又在你觉得生活无法再坏时结束的那一
    段心灵状态。
    18。家庭:父亲提议,母亲决定,孩子否决的地方。
    19。丈夫:在追求幸福中失去自由的人。
    20。妻子:青年男子的情人,中年男子的伴侣,老年男子的护士。
    21。专家:对稀有的事情知之颇多的人。
    22。智者:知道何时沉默和如何沉默的人。
    23。诗人:把火投进其文章和把其文章投进火中的人。
    24。演员:除了自己,谁都想扮的人。
    25。老板:当你迟到时,他却早早来到办公室的人。
    26。坚强:武装的自悲
    27。推心置腹:太受地心吸引力影响的乳房
    28。平均:通常形容一个没什么身才的女人
    29。尾大不掉:我家的金鱼
    30。拒绝:世上三种最佳勾引方式
    31。下堂求去:学生渴望下课
    32。格格不入:写作时没灵感
    33。适当:理智的男人在适当时禽兽,聪名的女人在适当的时候装苯

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    霍尔的自动售货机

    最近重读形式语义学大师霍尔的经典之作-->,不禁又被他用来作
    简单例子的自动售货机逗乐了.现拮取几段摘录如下:

    (1)一台售货机,其每笔交易或卖巧克力或卖太妃糖.象许多复杂的机器一样,这
    台售货机有一个设计上的缺陷,顾客不能连续投入三个便士.但是改一下用户手册要
    比改进机器容易得多,所以,我们在机器上加上一条注意事项"注意:不要接连投入
    三个便士."

    (2)有位贪心的顾客想不付钱就拿到一块巧克力或太妃糖.只有在他这种欲望得不
    到满足时,他才不情愿地付给一枚硬币;一旦付了钱后,他就非要块巧克力不可了…
    一位傻乎乎的顾客想买一块大饼干,于是就把硬币投入售货机.他并没有注意自己投
    入的是哪种硬币,可是不管怎么说,他非要块大饼干不可.不幸的是,自动售货机可
    不愿吃亏.这位顾客投入一枚小硬币,它才不会给出大饼干的.

    (3)解释以上例子的故事,违背了科学抽象性和客观性的标准.切记一点,事情应
    当是一种中性的变迁,是可由那些不懂得七情六欲的外星人观察和记录的.这类外星
    人不懂得吃饼干的乐趣,也不了解那位愚蠢的顾客徒然地等待食粮时挨饿的痛苦.

    (4)这台售货机在第二位顾客的巧克力被送出之前的迹是coin,choc,c
    oin不论是进程还是观察员都无法了解这笔完整的交易会是怎样.因为顾客的饥不
    可耐和机器满足顾客要求的责任感都不在这些进程的字母表内,所以也就不能被观察
    到或记录下来.

    (5)这台响个不停的售货机里已经售完太妃糖了.但是顾客就想要太妃糖;cur
    se是顾客拿不到太妃糖时的咒骂,后来他还是不得不拿一块巧克力.要注意的是,
    数学公式是无法表现顾客的感情的,他当然情愿要块太妃糖而不愿意说句难听的话.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    样板戏《列宁在十月》

    那些年除了演样板戏,也演过一些新编的现代戏。印象最深刻的是《列宁在十月》。
    此戏据说无剧本,全凭着旧戏曲的八大韵去“踩水”(即兴创作)大剧团不敢演,怕
    犯错误,只有些班子小胆子大的县川剧团才敢演它。演列宁的须生崔正红习惯了在台
    上走正步,举手投足依然是旧戏中的大臣风范。花脸刘盛财演斯大林,在台上老是用
    手死劲捻松香粘的八字胡。我同其它演员串角,端端正正站在二位革命导师旁聆听教
    悔。

    列宁唱:【红鸾袄?二流板】

    叫一声约瑟夫孤的好兄弟
    有件事朕同你细说端的
    打冬宫咱还要从长计议
    切不可闹意气误了战机
    冬宫内到处有许多裸体
    全都是大理石雕刻成的

    斯大林唱:(同上曲牌)

    嗔一声敬爱的……(帮腔)弗拉基米尔?依里奇
    三日前本将军已传话下去
    打冬宫不准毁坏文物古迹
    开枪不能朝着壁上的裸体
    那都是尼古拉留给咱们无产阶级的
    …………………
    (摘自小说《落花时节》。作者何洁,诗人流沙河之妻)

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    一次,前山东省主席韩复榘挺胸凸肚出现在齐鲁大学校庆演讲台上。未开口倒也威风
    凛凛,大有学界泰斗之状;口一张,原形毕露,信口雌黄,粗俗不堪。搞得满座师生
    愕然,哗然,昏昏然。请听:
    “诸位,各位,在齐位:
    “今天是什么天气?今天是演讲的天气。开会的人来齐了没有?看样子大概有个五分
    之八啦,没来的举手吧!很好,都到齐了。你们来得很茂盛,敝人也实在很感冒。…
    …今天兄弟召集大家,来训一训,兄弟有说得不对的地方,大家应该互相谅解,因此
    兄弟和大家比不了。你们是文化人,都是大学生、中学生和留洋生,你们这些乌合之
    众是科学科的,化学化的都懂七、八国的英文, http://www.csnbroncos.com/ Peyton Manning nike Jersey,兄弟我是大老粗,连中国的英文也不
    懂。……你们是笔筒里爬出来的,兄弟我是炮筒里钻出来的,今天到这里讲话,真使
    我蓬蓖生辉,感恩戴德。其实我没有资格给你们讲话,讲起来嘛就象……就象……对
    了,就象对牛弹琴。
    正当听众哭笑不得之时,他又提示性地交代:
    “今天不准备多讲,先讲三个纲目。蒋委员长的新生活运行,兄弟我双手赞成,就是
    一条,‘行人靠右走’着实不妥,实在太糊涂了,大家想想,行人都靠右走,那左边
    留给谁呢?
    “还有件事,兄弟我想不通:外国人都在北京的东交民巷建了大使馆,就缺我们中国
    的。我们中国为什么不在那儿也建个大使馆?说来说去,中国人真是太软弱了!
    第三个纲目讲他的进校所见,就学生的篮球赛,痛斥总务处长道:
    “要不是你贪污了,那学校为什么这样穷酸?十来个人穿着裤衩抢一个球像什么样
    子,
    多不雅观!明天到我公馆再领笔钱,多买几个球,一人发一个,省得再你挣我抢。
    “三个纲目”讲完,韩主席扬长而去,但不知“靠左走”是否能找到他的官邸

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    不爽

    免得不爽一个礼拜…
    不爽想要发□打那几个字怎麽能发□到不爽的情绪呢尤其是会延续一个礼拜的
    不爽若是我想要发□的话我会打一大堆的东西来发□心中的不快埋藏在心里的
    不爽到了一个程度的时候尤其是作业写不完考试考不尽社团也要忙实在是有够
    不爽的想找人出来聊天也找不出来所以只好利用许多反覆无意义的言词来发
    不爽这样心里才能爽否则若是只像你文章开头写出你不爽里面却只有那几个字
    不爽怎麽能够被解决呢所以若是真的想要发□那就多打几个字可是像我这样把
    不爽这个词尽量移到前头需要花很多的脑筋在想的时候会多花精神最後反而更
    不爽真是自讨苦吃的行为所以虽然可以利用一些有的没有的东西去表达心中的
    不爽但是你可以不像我这样还要耍酷玩这些吃力不讨好的花招以免让自己更加
    不爽说到耍酷我女朋友曾经骂我爱学人家摆酷却又放不开这句话也让我十分地
    不爽可是这句话又说得没错我就是这样的人摆出一些很酷的样子背地却在那里
    不爽然後又没地方发□因为我有错所以我想要向我的女朋友道歉以免她也在那
    不爽是不是因为我最近的行为颇令她失望所以她才不理我我要检讨让大家不会
    不爽可是她好像一直在逃避我我想找她说话总是没有两句就结束了这已经让我
    不爽要怎麽办呢我也不知道也许只有顺其自然吧作业那麽多做都做不完也是个
    不爽的要素没事那麽多作业干嘛难怪大家都在抄用抄的分数还比我高看了就很
    不爽辛辛苦苦写的作业把不会的空者写不出来没交是我的作法也许老师会有些
    不爽可是这是表示我对我自己诚实的作法没有什麽不对偏偏有些人就是看我很
    不爽认为我可以用抄的为何不抄奇怪我不抄干他什麽事他不高兴难道我就不会
    不爽吗不过偶而我也会抄作业缺交太多也不太好所以我不可以说太多以免他们
    不爽不借我抄作业那我的分数就会很低甚至不及格被当掉到那时候就是我爸妈
    不爽的时候了可恶我明天还有作业要交我还打那麽多东西真是疯了可是我就是
    不爽刚好又看到这个标题就顺手写了这一大堆东西这些东西才能发□我心里的
    不爽嘛你说是不是不过千万不要学我无聊打这一堆东西搞到自己累死而且还是
    不爽说不定你可以帮我分段加标点符号也许心里会好一点不过若是你弄完依然
    不爽请你不要怪我毕竟我不是心理医生不知道你的烦闷在哪里所以与我无关。
    不爽啦!
    你爽了吧!

    看的我都有一点不爽!!!
    真的不爽!!

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    二十四孝

    这是我以前的剪报,也许大家都看过了…
    作者:傅伯宁

    我的邻居老太太养了一群孝顺的儿子,昨天她过八十岁生日,我应邀去她家吃饭,不
    禁叹为观止。一开饭,陈老太太就对我说:来来来,别客气,这是我大儿子躺在冰
    上,
    求来的鲤鱼。二儿子听了有点不高兴地说:娘,人家抱著竹子哭了两个小时,才弄到
    的笋子难道就不好吃了?陈老太太笑嘻嘻地说:好吃,好吃,好吃得不得了。说完指
    著一碗玉米浓汤对我说:这里头加的可不是牛油。这时三媳妇哇地喊了一声,掩著脸
    跑开了。陈老太太得意地说:嘿嘿,里头加了两种奶,一种是我三儿子披著鹿皮取来
    的鹿奶,一种是我三媳妇自己的人奶。陈老太太看了我一眼说:我四媳妇已经很久没
    有割大腿肉了,你放心的夹肉吃吧。四媳妇娇嗔了一声说:娘,过去的事就别提了。
    陈老太太不以为然说:百善孝为先,这有什麽好避讳的?从前我生病的时候,你丈夫
    还尝我的大便有没有甜味呢。五儿子见我目瞪口呆,赶快打圆场说:吃饱了,来点水
    果吧,这是我采的桑椹,保证不酸。六儿子也笑著从袖子拿出一个橘子说:这个也
    很甜。七儿子匆匆走入房中,穿著一身彩色服装,拿著一个铃鼓出来,开始载歌载
    舞。
    陈老太太对我眨眨眼,低声说:这是馀兴节目。时间不早了,我起身向众人告辞,这
    时窗外突然起风,顿时雷电交加。众儿子齐喊:娘,别怕,我们在这儿陪您了。陈老
    太太捂住耳朵大骂:天呀,你们的声音比雷还大。众儿子显得很不好意思。回家以
    後,
    我儿子对我说:老爸,明天买一辆机车给我好不好?星期日我想带我马子去兜风。我
    听了忍不住嚎啕大哭起来。

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    鬼笑话(一)

    从前有一户有钱人家,家里只有爸爸妈妈和一对兄妹,那个妹妹很不幸的死於车祸,
    从此这家人都笼罩在愁云惨雾之中。
    有一天,有个人在公园散步,突然看到一个非常漂亮的小姐的背影,穿著白色的衣
    服,
    还围著一条蓝色的丝巾。哇!好美啊!这个人心里这样想著,於是他就跟著这个小
    姐,
    想看她住在哪里。结果被那个小姐发现了,还以为他是色狼,於是急急忙忙就跑掉
    了。
    慌乱中那条蓝色的丝巾掉在地上,那个男的就捡起了纱巾,尾随著她,结果跟著跟
    著,
    就跟到那个有钱人家家门口了。他亲眼见到那个小姐进了那家人的门。因为他手上有
    纱巾,就大胆地去按门铃,结果出来一个老太婆,问:你要干嘛?
    他说:我要找你们家小姐。
    那个老太婆脸色臭臭地说:你找错人了,我们家没什麽小姐。
    砰地一声就把门摔上了。
    这个年轻人天天在附近等,都没有等到那个小姐。最後这个年轻人终於死了心。搬离
    了这个城市。
    许多年後,这个年轻人也长大了,而且事业有成,某一天因为职务上的需要又回到这
    个城市。他忍不住又想起了这个有著漂亮背影的小姐,於是他就跟接待他的人讲,要
    回去那家有钱人家看一看。那个接待他的人就陪他去了。
    到了那边,他居然又看到那个小姐,一样穿著白衣,围著蓝丝巾,走进了那一户人
    家。
    他就问那个接待他的人,知不知道那个小姐是谁,那个人叹了口气说:唉,说起这家
    人,也真是够可怜的了,他们家的小姐,年纪轻轻地就死了。她哥哥跟她感情很好
    的,
    因为遭受不了这个打击,也发疯了。从那时候起,就常常扮了他妹妹的样子在附近闲
    晃………

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    W.C.

    看了这麽多笑话,觉得该有所贡献,所以post一篇从Η大某系系刊中的笑话给大
    伙解解颐。全文如下∶

    有位英国老妇人到瑞士想找间房子安享馀年。她向当地的一名老师请教,终於找到一
    个合适的地方,然後即启程回英国整理行李。回到英国後才想起,那儿似乎没有「方
    便的地方」,或如她所称呼的,没有W.C.(按∶watercloset),所
    以就写信问那位老师。老师被「方便的地方」弄的一头雾水,心想∶她既然来安享馀
    年,「方便的地方」指的应该是卫斯理教会(按∶wesleyanchurch
    ),
    所以那位老师回信了。

    亲爱的夫人∶
    平安!!
    W.C.在房子九哩之外,位於美丽树丛中,能一次容纳三百五十人。每周二、四和
    周日开放,夏天会有许多人前往,所以请早。虽然有许多空间能站,有些人喜欢带中
    饭来,在这玩一天。特别是在周四,这时後会有风管合奏,音响极佳,连细微声音都
    听的见。
    您应该会很高兴知道,我在此遇见心上人,也在此结婚,这实在方便。我们将举行一
    场义卖,希望您能赶来共襄盛举,此次目标是购买绒毛座垫,每位参与者皆觉得这是
    长久以来所急需的,目前座位上已是坑坑洞洞。
    内子娇弱,所以不能定时前往,她已六个月没去了,当然,她因不能常去而感到痛苦
    万分。
    最後,竭诚欢迎您的到来,我乐意帮您在前排或靠门处留位,完全看您较愿意在哪个
    角落。

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    给我报报啦!

    在李登辉提过摩西故事之後,中视马上决定要播出美国旧片出埃及记,请问关於此事
    各界的反应如何?

    1。台视主管∶
    总统先生不久前曾经赞扬猪哥亮先生为杰出艺人,所以我们已经决定要二十四小时转
    播猪先生精彩的餐厅秀,而为了表示对猪先生精湛表演艺术的尊敬,节目中猪先生所
    说的任何黄色笑话都将不做消音处理,此外广告部份将只播猪先生的经典广告片系
    列:
    斯斯,还有亚补。希望全国大众能藉此解到猪先生究竟杰出在哪里。

    2。华视主管∶
    其实总统先生讲摩西故事的重点是在不相信摩西的人会被雷劈死这一段。为了让全国
    同胞能切实了解这一点,我们将要开拍一部新的八点档年度大戏∶黄飞鸿与白莲教,
    在戏中,黄飞鸿不相信白莲教,屡屡和白莲教主作对,还倡导广东独立运动,结果最
    後白莲教主祭起了垄断媒体大法,招来了一阵乱雷,就将黄飞鸿劈死了。
    此外前几天因为总统先生曾经垂询杨丽花小姐最近怎麽都没有演戏啊?,所以我们决
    定要请杨小姐扮演白莲教主这个角色。

    3。峤台联合声明∶
    我们要强调一点就是,我们这个点子其实比某友台还要早想到,只是酝酿期稍微长了
    一些。我们对总统先生所说过的任何一句话绝对都是仔细推敲,反覆研究。我们对总
    统先生的耿耿忠心,为天地可表,如滔滔江水,一发不可收拾。希望社会大众明鉴。

    4。台大医院院长∶
    为了响应总统先生最近一直倡导的生命共同体观念,本院已经决定∶本院今後将不再
    为连体婴进行分割手术,因为分割一个生命共同体实在是一项民族罪行,会被天打雷
    劈的。
    此外本院仅在此向过去被本院分割成功的连体婴表示歉意,如果有想要再连回来的,
    本院将免费为您进行手术。(crazyalpha,也就是疯狂快乾胶公司,已经
    答应赞助此类手术,本院在此一并致谢)

    5。星云大法师∶
    其实总统先生所说的摩西故事在佛教中也是有的,想当年孙悟空就是不相信如来佛,
    还在佛前做猥亵的动作,结果被乱石压顶,受苦了五百年,真是阿弥陀佛,善哉善
    哉。
    所以贫僧对总统先生所说的话深有同感,决定自今日起连开七七四十九日西游记讲
    座,
    好好地对十方大德做开示,欢迎踊跃参加。

    6。大象洲∶(大家叫我阿旺就好了)
    现在大家知道了吧,有胆就不要相信我老师,不要投票给我,到时你们就等著被出轨
    的捷运砸得头破血流吧!

    7。巷口太子庙的乩童∶
    为了响应总统先生的号召,本庙决定改供奉摩西祖师。太子爷不过是有风火轮,摩西
    祖师有五雷轰顶大法,法力高强多了。而且摩西祖师出自高层推荐,出名牌一定会更
    准的,祖师今夜子时第一次开坛,我将会表演让淡水河分开的绝技,请各位善男信女
    踊跃参加。

    8。一九九五年润八月的作者∶
    看了台湾目前的情况,我决定将书名改成一九九四年十二月……

    9。高中男生∶
    我们现在都在祈祷总统先生会说出:“满清”腐败,在国父“十大”革命後,仍不求
    改进,反而以”酷刑”对待革命志士。

    (记者在采访到此段话後,深有同感,立刻也加入了祈祷的行列,所以采访中断…
    …)

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    如何在台湾读理工学院……。

    这不是笑话,这是一个教育上的问题…。如果你不是故事中所说的人那我们一起来找
    出台湾教育的问题吧……。

    一架爱独克星人的太空船正停在月球的背面……。他们正为1999年的入侵地球计
    画做准备……统战部的主任拟定了一个入侵地球大学的计画…。他想在地球所有大学
    都有人混入做统战工作……他已经做好了调派,此时有一个部下提出了异议…。
    部下t:主任!为什麽,同样是混入大学理工系的工作,别人的i是7(相当地球智
    商140),而我只是6(120)就可以身任…。
    主任:这样啊,你是入侵哪个国家?
    部下t:中国的台湾地区……。
    主任:喔…。国情不同嘛……。
    部下t:不会吧,理工系不是都先告诉你一些基础的定理,然後利用这些定理,去做
    一些推导,来解决一些问题吗,重点是训练你解决问题的思考能力,以属下的能力,
    只能很快的记忆很多结果,我没有独立思考的能力。
    主任:那就够了啊,你只要一到那边,注意以下几点就好了……
    1。除非一定要修的科目以外,千万不要修太操的科目…。
    2。作业不用自己做,可以和别人(讨论),或是找到解答本…
    第三点最重要你要好好记好……
    部下t:是!
    主任:第三点,是有关考试的,你千万要记住,你一定要把课本内。一些解题的方
    法,
    一步一步的记好,至於为什麽这一步会是对的,只要问别人为什麽,把为什麽记起来
    就好了,不必浪费时间去想它这个为什麽是由一些很基本的定义导出来的,还是用别
    的结果去讲结果的。
    部下t:那不是很危险吗???要是题目出变化性一点,要是作业和课本内没有类似
    的哪我不是只有基本分吗??
    主任:所以告诉你一定要把基本分拿好啊,因为有70%的人都在基本分以下啊!
    部下t:主任!达成目标中不是有要我们至少要达到该校的20%吗???
    主任:那你放心,如果第一次考试这样的话,那教授下一次,一定放水!如果没有放
    水,那最後一定调分,如果没有调分,那那个教授会被骂得乱七八糟,甚至被系主任
    约谈。峤次平均下来一定有前20%!
    部下t:我还是有疑问唉,如果大学教育是这样那该国不是没有发展技术的能力吗,
    训练出来的工程师不都是只会照著书上写的一步一步做,只会做一些技术上的工作
    吗?
    主任:我就说国情不同嘛,该民族专制已久,统治者的心理你不懂吗???如果教人
    民有思想那不是造反的快吗,你想在大学联考中,把最会背的人拿来当律师,国家的
    司法系统,就好控制多了,把最聪明的人拿来当医生,让他们每天做机械式的工作,
    让他们衣食充足,就不会造反了,剩下来的,让他们读一些不用太多思考就可以过的
    书,国家不就在掌握中吗????
    部下t:可是该国的经济力还是不差啊!!
    主任:该国是取以钱来砸钱的政策,先用污染,盗版的优势来赚钱,再用钱的优势来
    搞工业,不注重技术的开发,可以维持一段时间,但国力受制於外国很多。
    部下t:我懂了,但是事实上我们不必渗透该国该国不就会亡吗。
    主任:啊!这样一说我到忘了,只是要你学习该国人民如何在现有短缺的能力下,如
    何硬撑,这和我们战略提升上有很大的帮助,顺便也为你上一课…
    於是部下t也踏上了旅程…………。

    待续……。下集是如何在台湾考到国立大学…。

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    1997年元旦头条重大新闻!

    天堂通讯社洛杉叽一月一日电:
    圣母玛利亚今日托请律师,向美国洛杉矶联邦巡回法庭正式提起民事诉讼,控告上帝
    耶和华犯有遗弃罪,要求赔偿拖欠的子女赡养费,精神损失费,及拖欠达两千零三十
    年之久的利息,共十二万二千二百五十亿七千零八十六万三千八百二十四美元。玛利
    亚声称,耶和华在两千零三十年前一个风雨交加的晚上,不期而来,用极其令人痛苦
    难堪的人工授精方法,强致使她处女同贞之身怀孕而生下了耶稣基督,无强奸之名,
    有强奸之实,令她在世人中饱受非议歧视,险被众人以石头瓦片砸死。因此要求赔偿
    精神损失。又嫌犯耶和华曾答允在孩子出生之后,将负责赡养保护。然而耶和华在犯
    案使玛利亚怀孕之后,即行逃遁,两千多年,杳无踪迹可寻,以至连耶稣基督因事惹
    祸,被活活钉死在十字驾时,亦不肯施展其法力,救亲儿子的性命。遗弃亲子,罪无
    可恕!近来欣闻美国新任开明总统克林顿上台以来,重视家庭价值观念,通过了保护
    妇女及儿童权益的一系列联邦法律,故此前来洛杉矶联邦巡回法庭投诉。接受玛利亚
    委托的律师,是美国当代最著名的辩护律师约翰尼?科克伦。科克伦律师曾经接收辛
    普生一案辩护,成功地在证据确凿,无可辩驳的情况下洗清了辛普生的杀妻罪名,最
    近更出谋划策,替辛普生争回两个亲生子的监护权。科克伦对采访他的记者表示,他
    对打赢这场官司信心时足:“就是块埋了两千年的石头,照样要挖出来晒晒洛杉矶的
    太阳”,他打趣地说。法庭已向耶和华下了传票,限六个月到庭听审。如果被告六个
    月内不出现,即作缺席审判处理。天堂通讯社记者方舟子曾设法寻找耶和华以询问其
    对此诉讼有何评论,没有成功。此间法律专家们分析,玛利亚即使胜诉,获得赔偿的
    可能也不大。因为耶和华自使玛利亚受孕之后,即毫无踪迹可寻,更有宇宙大爆炸专
    家们确信耶和华现在一定已逃遁至两百多亿光年之外的宇宙边缘之外了。

  14. 798 刚练道士,存了点毒叫卖。交易之间,一个闪电飞到我头上,立时黑白了……郁闷中问那法师原因,法师说:你贩毒100克,叛处死刑!立即执行! 0
    797 每次收不到你的信息我都万分痛苦,我试着用面条上吊,用豆腐砸头,用维生素C服毒自杀,用降落伞跳楼,可就是死不了,我难受得想吃肯德鸡,你请客吧! 0
    796 昨天我开手机,在看短信的时候,因为身上穿着衣服,而衣服本身有静电反应,所以被电击倒,昏了一夜;你在看的时候,记得先把衣服脱了,免的也被电到! 0
    795 男人遇到不漂亮的女人就是圣人,遇到漂亮的女人就成狼人;世上没有十全十美的女人,如果有,上天就会立刻收回,所以自古红颜多薄命。 0
    794 一小区十户人家九户都装了防盗门,只有一户没装,一天九户人家一起被窃,唯有没装防盗门的这户门上小偷写道:你放心我,我也放心你! 0
    793 猪:人们都说吃啥补啥,我这么蠢,都在吃我。苍蝇:我与蜜蜂不同之处,就是口味不同。狐狸:这是最高级香水,人们却说是狐臭。 0
    792 售票员:为了支持北京奥运,我们车组开展了英语普及活动,请大家出示英语等级证书,四级以下的乘客请下车去练马拉松。 0
    791 QQ上多的后果:在大街上看见一个人长相暴丑,忍受了半天,还是走上前去诚恳的对人家说:朋友,麻烦你换一个头像好不好,对你这个形象我过敏! 0
    790 傻根千辛万苦终于回故乡,钱却被骗子骗个精光,走投无路只好卖水产,从此市场里整天回荡响亮的叫卖声:田虾!乌贼!田虾!乌贼! 2
    789 吊唁“麻友”:昨天你两眼瞪得还二饼似的,今天就闭成二条了。也不知中了东南西北什么风,明天等你到了火化场,你就真等到了梦寐已久的时刻——糊了! 0
    788 天的儿子叫我材,因为天生我材。天的女儿叫丽质,因为俗话说,天生丽质。天的女婿呢?李连杰啊,因为他的老婆就是利智(丽质)。 0
    787 最引人注目的哥哥--伟哥;最年轻的奶奶--二奶;最难设防的盗窃--偷情;最热闹的走廊--发廊;最畅销的书--女秘书。 0
    786 什么是骄傲?牛呗!什么是谦虚?装呗!什么是勤俭?抠呗!什么是奉献?傻呗!什么是聪明?吹呗!愿谁天天快乐?你呗! 0
    785 想起当年俺们宿舍一哥们抢别人的包子吃,边吃边说:就这玩意儿,只配塞屁股。 0
    784 愿你带着张学友的《祝福》,喝着刘德华的《忘情水》,在阿杜的《天黑》前,乘坐孙悦的《幸福快车》,奔向宋祖英的《好日子》! 0
    783 如果婚姻是爱情的坟墓,一年一次的结婚周年庆祝,便是在“扫墓”了;如果婚姻是爱情的坟墓,那模范夫妻充其量,不过是“示范公墓”罢了。 0
    782 上帝为什么把2月14日定为情人节?就是希望2个有情人甜蜜相处,1个宝宝幸福成长,4位长辈健康长寿,不许第3者插足! 0
    781 我教书的乡下地方冬天很冷,气温常在零度以下。一天早晨有个学生迟到了,他母亲写了封短信给我:家里公鸡冻僵了,以致小儿未能准时起床上学,请谅。 0
    780 一小偷偷了一辆自行车正要悄悄离去,忽然身后一只强劲有力的大手抓住了他,小偷吓得两腿发软,后面一个威严的声音吼道:交存车费! 12
    779 牛给羊打电话。羊:喂,你是谁?牛:我cow。羊:靠,你谁啊?牛:靠,我靠。羊:靠你他妈的到底是谁啊?牛:靠。我他妈cow,我cow。靠! 0
    778 这两天真是想你恋你爱你,白天想晚上想做梦想吃饭想,就连上厕所也想,就是怎么想也想不起来你是谁了。 0
    777 “大夫我的移动电话信号总是不好”“是吗?我看看,哦,你以后打电话时边跑边打!就好了!” 0
    776 甲:我看猪的用途最大,浑身是宝!乙:我看马比猪的用途还大。甲:不见得。乙:马不但浑身是宝,就连放的屁也讨人喜欢。 0
    775 两个傻瓜在一起吃腌鸭蛋,一个惊异地问:为什么这个蛋这么咸?另一个说:幸亏你问到了我,这咸蛋是那腌咸了的鸭产生出来的。 0
    774 人生就像汉堡:上层面包撒满芝麻,好似幼稚的童年;中层夹着火腿、生菜、鸡蛋、奶酪,仿佛绚丽的青年和充实的中年;下面仅有一层白面包,可称为老年! 0
    773 老虎和狮子在打斗,老虎不行了,就跑了。这时狮子不干了,追啊追,追到一个小院子边,等啊等,突然一只猫出来了,狮子上去就按着了:小样,叫你爸来! 8
    772 有两人一起去饭店吃饭。饭店卫生很差,有不少苍蝇围着菜飞来飞去。一人忙着就用手去赶。另一个人制止说:别赶了,它能吃多少?! 0
    771 “喂!你看,你的儿子拿了这一大块石头来打我!”“他的石头有没有打中你?”“幸好没有!”“哦,那你说的就不是我的儿子!” 0
    770 蜘蛛和蜜蜂结婚后,起初很幸福。蜜蜂说:真好,吃到肉了。蜘蛛说:不错,尝到蜜了。后来总吵,蜜蜂说:整天不出去,就知道弄你那个破局域网! 4
    769 潇洒的你在哪里,寂寞的我在等你,打你手机说关机,打你拷机你不复机,我恨你,把你名字写在马桶里,每天尿尿尿死你! 0
    768 下班人流高峰期,一个骑自行车的人闯红灯,一辆载重卡车在他身边嘎然停住,骑车人对卡车司机大声喊:靠,你不要命啦! 0
    767 理发店里,一顾客对理发师抱怨道:你把我的头发理成这样,我要怎么出去啊?理发师:没关系的,本店兼售帽子和假发! 0
    766 天苍苍野茫茫,暴富的希望太渺茫;水湾湾路长长,没钱的日子好漫长;楼高高人忙忙,今夜能否与你结伴抢银行?接头暗号:Baby,饿香泥! 0
    765 一个巫师不知得了什么病,浑身都疼。他知道自己快死了,躺在床上大喊:哪一个高明的医生能把我治好,我就把祖传的长生丹药赠给他! 0
    764 猴子见到一张卡,他想看清楚是什么卡,就爬到树枝上,这时一个雷击中了他,猴子哭着说:“哇靠,原来是他妈的IP(挨劈)卡呀!” 8
    763 朗声大笑的男人,是在私人聚会中;点头赔笑的男人,是在商务谈判中;大街上仰天大笑的男人,不是中了大奖,就是精神病犯了。 0
    762 第一次看电视的老奶奶看完百米跑后惊呼:真吓人!几个挖煤的跪一排,有人拿枪要毙他们,还没瞄准就开枪了,娃儿们吓得那个跑呀!飞一样,绳都拦不住! 6
    761 跳伞训练前,教练最后叮咛一位学员:别紧张!没有什么大不了的。如果你第一次跳伞就打不开的话,只能说明你不适合从事跳伞运动! 0
    760 两个人造伪钞,不小心印出两张面额15元的钞票。二人决定拿到偏远山区花掉,他们买了一串一元钱的糖葫芦,哭了,卖糖葫芦的找了他们两张7元的钞票。 2
    759 男人喝吧喝吧喝吧不是罪,在好的人也有权利去喝醉。就算喝醉也是一种美,做人何必装的那么虚伪! 0
    758 狐狸不死心,继续问:我打得过你吗?大象一脚把狐狸踢了老远。狐狸爬起来气愤的说:回答不出来,也不能恼羞成怒呀! 0
    757 有个女人说愿为我死,她说:你要再缠着我我就去死。有个女人说愿等我到下辈子,她说:这辈子不可能了,下辈子吧。 0
    756 某男,妻经常红杏出墙,而视若不见,同事送一付对联,上联:只要日子过的去,下联:那怕头上有点绿,横批:忍者神龟。 0
    755 你在偷偷想我吗?你真的是在偷偷想我吗,如果你真的想我就告诉我啊,我不会不让你想我的,大家讲道理嘛。我也想你啊! 2
    754 某清晨见一乞丐匍匐在地爬行行乞,很是可怜。突然一警察奔来欲擒之。此丐马上站立转身飞奔快似短跑冠军刘翔,众人皆笑,原来乞丐也有盗版! 4
    753 世间帅哥都无情,恋爱只是玩感情,美女作伴好心情,厌倦之后是绝情,甜言密语就动情,梦醒方知非真情,受过痛过很虚情,男人靠得住猪都会爬树。 0
    752 一天有只老虎追一只螃蟹,追着追着螃蟹不见了,老虎回头发现树上有一只蜘蛛,老虎笑着说别以为你上了网我就不认识你! 0
    751 马和驴遇到老虎,掉头跑,驴跑得慢,马喊:“蠢驴!手机抓在手,怎么跑得快!快扔!” 0
    750 乌龟:要不是老上网,我这脸也不会绿得跟屏保似的!章鱼:要不是老吸烟,我也不会急了就吐烟圈!青蛙:要不是老看短信,我这嘴也不会乐成这样啊! 2
    749 有人在黄山的石壁上写道:我和太太来此一游,很愉快,特留字为念。几天后,旁边多了另一行字:我到此一游,没带太太,更愉快,特留字为念! 0
    748 妈妈说:“儿子,蚊子咬你,你也不知道打……”,儿子说:“蚊子跑那么快,我怎么能追上?” 0
    747 你驾车违章被扣总能逃脱的原因是你常说:警察大叔大爷,大婶大姨,你就把我当作屁给放了吧! 0
    746 男人不泡妞心里酸溜溜,女人没人泡心里真烦躁,见妞就泡,替天行道,有妞不泡,送去改造。你泡妞吗?兄弟! 0
    745 人生就像大便,随时都可能突然地想“嗯,嗯”;人生就像大便,只有自己默默的勇敢面对;人生就像大便,就算点缀得再漂亮,其本质还是一样! 0
    744 乌江边上,霸王对虞姬说:你走吧!我现在不需要你了!虞姬说:不,你还没给我分手费呢!请你记住这段历史,这就叫“霸王逼姬”! 0
    743 国家足球队就像一台计算机,内存挺大,配置到奔腾四代,可是运行不快,也许是感染病毒,看来主教练需要一张杀毒的磁盘。 0
    742 电梯四步曲:为难,在拥挤的电梯里突然想放屁;幸运,在屁出来之前其他人都下了电梯了;后悔,太臭了连自己都受不了;羞愧,臭味消散之前有人上电梯! 6
    741 布什打萨达姆:射雕英雄传;小布什打萨达姆:新射雕英雄传;萨达姆打败小布什:真实的谎言;伊拉克人们的日子:无间道;伊、美和好建交:老鼠爱上猫。 0
    740 爱情真的很像放屁,过了,只有余味萦绕,酝酿的再久,结果也只是乌有;如果憋的住,请不要随便释放它,要顾及到别人的感受,因为不是每个人都能承受。 0
    739 学校开展家庭问题讨论课,教室里,教师问:你们认为要消除家长与学生不和的现象,最好办法是啥?同学:最好是您在我的学习成绩单上全填上满分! 0
    738 穿着破旧衣服的人是希望遮体、避寒。穿着新朝、性感衣服的人是盼望有异性把它脱掉。所以,内衣虽藏在里面,但都很漂亮,价值不菲。 0
    737 农民对城里人的抱怨:俺刚能歇会儿你们又去健身房、桑拿房流汗了;俺刚装上电话你们又改网上聊天了;俺刚能在电影院约会你们又改网恋了。 0
    736 有人在黄山的石壁上写道:我和太太来此一游,很愉快,特留字为念。几天后,旁边多了另一行字:我到此一游,没带太太,更愉快,特留字为念! 0
    735 雪后,众人相约去打雪仗,正当大家玩的高兴,忽一人大骂:他妈的,谁砸我?另一人说:打雪仗哪有不砸人的?那人愤然道:少来这一套,谁用石头砸我?! 0
    734 利用青春与美貌找有钱男子结婚的女子是“蠢人”,不结婚而能骗到钱的女子才是“聪明人”;男子有钱娶美貌青春少女叫骗色,青春少女嫁有钱男人叫幸福! 0
    733 蚊子对狮子讲:你头发太长了,如今时兴秃顶,那是智慧的象征。于是狮子到理发馆剃了个光头。这时,一群蚊子蜂拥而上:帅哥,让我们一次爱你爱个够吧。 4
    732 手机掉在马桶后-布什:我们将轰炸所有厕所,然后出动地面部队搜索每一个马桶,这是一个长期的战争!拉登:我否认曾经策划使用手机来袭击马桶的事件。 0
    731 秃鹰买来飞机办起飞行训练班。雄狮第一个报名,突然飞机出了故障撞向地面。狮子:为了梦想,我竟付出生命!秃鹰:为了你这份大餐,我也付出一架飞机。 0
    730 驾驶教练告诉学员不要紧张:你握方向盘的手太僵硬了,放松!就像弹钢琴一样。学员:我弹钢琴时,对面可不会有一大堆钢琴向我冲过来! 0
    729 乌鸦说:我是天鹅中烧炭的;麻雀说:我是孔雀中抽鸦片的;鹦鹉说:我是燕子中坐台的;烤鸭说:我是练功自焚的。 0
    728 虾饺和公仔面打架,虾饺输了。第二天,虾饺结伙去打公仔面,半路遇到拉面就打了她一顿。拉面问为啥打我吖?虾饺说:别以为做了负离子我就不认识。 0
    727 年轻美丽的女护士看到病人在病房里喝酒,就走过去小声说:"小心肝!"病人微笑着说:"小宝贝!" 0
    726 猎人看到天上有只鸟,开了三枪都没打中,但那只鸟还是掉了下来,原来那只鸟看子弹没打中就拍胸脯说:吓死了,吓死了! 0
    725 每当遇到困难时,我都会看看老婆的照片,自语道:"有什么好怕的?难道还有什么比她更难对付的吗?"我常常这样鼓励自己克服工作的困难。 0
    724 你像风一样轻盈,水一样温柔,雾一样朦胧,像太阳一般热情,像大海一般宽容,像风景那么好看……唉,一句话:你没一点像人! 0
    723 茶,要喝浓的,直到芳香尤在;路,要走难的,直到苦尽甘来;人,要感情深的,直到下辈子还能再爱!猪蹄,要新鲜的,咦,拿手机的这只就不赖! 4
    722 我一直在犹豫该不该告诉你,我可能要去美国了,签证最近就发下来,以后就不能给你发短信了,我也很难过,没有办法,布什说他没有我对付不了萨达姆! 0
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  15. Kemba Walker had 20 points, including four in overtime, as the Charlotte Bobcats won for just the second time in 21 games 108-101 over the Detroit Pistons on Sunday.

    Ben Gordon, traded to Charlotte during the offseason after three disappointing seasons with the Pistons, had 18 points in his return to The Palace. Ramon Sessions added 15 points and Bismack Biyombo contributed 10 points and 17 rebounds. Charlotte (9-24) forced 22 turnovers, which it converted into 26 points.

    Tayshaun Prince's 21 points led the Pistons (13-23), who had their four-game winning streak snapped. Greg Monroe had 18 points and 14 rebounds and Rodney Stuckey contributed 18 points for Detroit.

    The Bobcats are 3-1 in overtime games while the Pistons fell to 0-3.

    The score was 96-all going into overtime. Tyrus Thomas made a jumper on Charlotte's first overtime possession and Walker doubled the lead with a layup. Detroit finally broke through on Monroe's free throws with 2: 06 remaining.

    Thomas made another mid-range shot to nudge Charlotte's lead back to four. Walker's reverse layup with 1: 13 left made it 104-98, http://www.indianapoliscoltshop.com/ Reggie Wayne Game Jersey.

    Stuckey's off-balance 3-pointer with 24. 4 seconds left sliced the Bobcats' lead in half but Michael Kidd-Gilchrist hit two free throws five seconds later. When Charlie Villanueva missed a 3-pointer on Detroit's next possession, the Bobcats' victory was secured.

    Sessions' layup with 9: 21 remaining in regulation gave the Bobcats an 85-84 lead. Andre Drummond then threw down two alley-oops from Will Bynum to put Detroit back on top. Gordon's 3-pointer with 3: 44 remaining tie it at 92-92.

    Monroe's driving layup was offset by two Gordon free throws. Prince made a jump hook with 2: 01 left for a 96-94 Detroit advantage. Neither team scored again until Walker‘s tying layup with 7. 8 seconds remaining.

    Stuckey tossed up a 3-point airball that went out of bounds with one second left and Gordon's desperation 3-point try also fell short.

    The Pistons scored a season-high 60 halftime points, yet led by only one at the break. Detroit's 64. 1 percent shooting was offset by its nine turnovers, leading to 16 Bobcats points, and Charlotte's 14-4 advantage in made free throws.

    Bobcats forward Hakim Warrick (flu-like symptoms) was a late scratch.

  16. The day after the Colorado Rockies drafted Russell Wilson, his father died. Jay Matthews, the Rockies scout who spent five years coveting Wilson and was sure he would one day play in the major leagues, happened to be driving through Wilson's hometown of Richmond, Va., and called his cell phone.

    Wilson told him the bad news. Diabetes had taken Harrison Wilson III, 55, a man Matthews knew couldn't have been any prouder. His son played football at North carolina State and was about to play baseball for the Rockies and maybe, just maybe, was the evolutionary answer to Deion Sanders and Bo Jackson and Brian Jordan: not just a football player who thrived at baseball but a quarterback who thrived in both sports. Matthews reflexively asked if there was anything he could do.


    On the path toward becoming a QB for the Seahawks, Russell Wilson was a baseball prospect for the Rockies. (AP) …"You can throw me some batting practice, " Wilson said.

    So around 10 p. m., about 24 hours after he said good-bye to his father, Russell Wilson ripped baseballs at a local batting cage with his brother, Harrison IV, and Matthews.

    The world now knows Wilson as the dynamic quarterback of the Seattle Seahawks, the lone rookie signal-caller remaining in an NFL postseason primed to be his, much as every endeavor he undertakes. While the baseball career Wilson left behind is a footnote to his burgeoning legend, it merits more than that, not because Wilson was a superstar waiting to happen but because of how all the characteristics that define him as a quarterback manifested themselves on the diamond, too.

    [MLB springboards: Rockies ranked No. 27]

    The Rockies took a flyer on Wilson, like the Orioles had done after his senior year in high school with a 41st-round pick in 2007. Wilson played baseball at N. C. State for three seasons, though his raw tools never bloomed. Still, Matthews and Danny Montgomery, the Rockies assistant scouting director, were insistent: Even if Wilson might end up in the NFL, take him anyway. What football scouts saw as an unconquerable flaw – he stands 5-feet-10 and change, which makes him a suitable quarterback only in Lilliput – mattered not for a future second baseman. Colorado chose him in the fourth round in 2010, with the 140th overall pick, not much lower than he went two years later in the NFL draft (third and 75th).

    Matthews returned to Richmond for Harrison Wilson III's funeral five days later along with Montgomery. Wilson, then 21, delivered the eulogy.

    "He was so eloquent, " Matthews said. "You know how you can tell a leader? He has poise in difficult times. He had a black suit on with a purple tie. When he was eulogizing his father, he said I'm going to sign with the Rockies and play baseball this summer. "

    Less than a week later, before he flew to Denver to work out with Rockies brass and sign his contract, Wilson called Matthews, who happened to be driving to Zebulon, N. C., to see the Class A Carolina Mudcats. Wilson asked him to stop in Raleigh. If he was going to play second base, a position he never tried, he wanted a few tips from Matthews, a former infielder. Wilson dared not embarrass himself in front of his new bosses.

    Problem was, Matthews had only 20 minutes. So Wilson improvised and asked him to meet at his apartment. Matthews parked in a street-level garage. Wilson showed up with a ball and a glove.

    "I gave him a crash course in the parking lot, " Matthews said. "Dimly lit. I ended up rolling him about 30 ground balls, and we did double-play pivots. He picked up on it so quick. "

    The next day, Matthews called Rich Dauer, the Rockies coach who once went 86 games and 425 chances at second base without an error. He asked how Wilson did in his workout. Dauer said it was like he had played there for years, http://www.baltimoreravenstore.com/ Ravens Flacco Jersey.

    Wilson committed just one error in 31 games that summer for Low-A Tri-City. The glove wasn't going to be a problem, nor was his speed, which needed only refining. The question always was whether Wilson's bat would grow to major league quality, and the Rockies pegged him as the sort who could grow into a line-drive hitter with excellent plate discipline.

    "Given 1, 500 at-bats in pro ball where he could get in and recognize pitches and get his at-bats, " Matthews said, "he was going to develop into a hitter that could compete at the professional level. "

    [Related: Managers will be able to use cell phones to call bullpen]

    His baseball career ended at 315 at-bats with a. 229/. 354/. 356 line and five home runs. About a year ago, following a transfer to Wisconsin that revitalized his college football career, Wilson told the Rockies he was giving up baseball to pursue football full-time and repaid part of his $250, 000 bonus. It saddened Matthews. All of the things that Wilson's Seahawks teammates rave – the leadership, poise and intangibles necessary to overcome the physical disadvantages – were there in baseball as well. Wilson would show up to the ballpark at 10 a. m. to work on bunting. He asked for extra ground balls in the batting cage. He showed up weeks early to spring training after the grind of a football season to acclimate himself back to baseball.


    Russell Wilson played three season of collegiate ball at N. C. State. (Raleigh News&Observer) He was not going to be another Chris Iannetta or Jeff Baker or Cory Sullivan, all players Matthews signed. Nor would he be James Paxton or Mason Williams or Eddie Rosario, all fourth-round picks in 2010 with good chances to make the major leagues. And not Deion or Bo or certainly Drew Henson, the quarterback who washed out in baseball and football.

    Well, probably not.

    "He's such a strong-willed and -minded person, if he put his mind to it, he could do it, " Matthews said. "When all the naysayers told him he's 5-foot-10, I was saying to myself, 'Don't dare say that. ' He's the kind of person who would prove you wrong. If enough people told him he couldn't come back and play baseball, he might wake up one day and say, 'OK, fine. I'll do it. ' I wouldn't say anything is impossible for that young man. "

    For now, Wilson has the Atlanta Falcons, and the playoffs on his mind. Football is his sport these days, and its glory certainly beats bus trips through the sticks and grinding out at-bats in the swelter of summer. Baseball is there and will welcome him back. And in the meantime, Jay Matthews, Danny Montgomery and everyone in the Rockies organization will dream of a Troy Tulowitzki-Russell Wilson double-play combination and wonder what could have been.

  17. BlogIcon Giants Cruz Jersey 2013.03.22 17:02 신고

    Robert Griffin 3 could not operate, a minimum of not really by any means like their typical sprints with the collection as well as in to open up grass. Robert Griffin 3 could not toss, a minimum of not really the actual heavy darts which proceed the actual stores as well as maintain protection truthful.

    Robert Griffin 3 could not guide the actual Wa Redskins' criminal offense, not really following their leg buckled within the very first one fourth of the NFC wild-card online game towards Seattle. A few performs later on Wa required the two-touchdown guide however the offer had been carried out. It might obtain simply 41 back yards within the following 2 . 5 useless groups along with Griffin because quarterback, basically guaranteeing Seattle's 24-14 triumph.

    Robert Griffin 3 could not perform high of something Weekend other than lay, that is exactly what he is already been educated to complete within circumstances such as this.

    Lay in order to themself he may nevertheless provide such as absolutely no back-up might. Lay in order to their trainer this had been absolutely nothing large. Lay towards the physicians that attempted in order to evaluate him or her within the swirl of the playoff sideline.
    Robert Griffin had been the spend associated with themself within Sunday's reduction towards the Seahawks. (AP)
    Therefore Robert Griffin 3 humiliated, that will be forgiven simply because this can be a activity which benefits strength when confronted with good sense, the lifestyle which celebrates the actual soldier who's prepared to depart every thing about the area, a company which thinks this kind of is tend to be the main street in order to success.
    [Related: Twitter reaction to decision on RG3]

    "I'm the actual quarterback, no matter what portion I'm, inch Griffin reasoned later on. "If you are able to perform, a person perform. inch

    To begin with, this is a cliché. 2nd, he or she could not perform. Not really good enough in order to earn the overall game anyhow.

    With every click there is the danger associated with not only additional hurting which useful leg, however to be hurt in different ways simply because he or she had been no more effective at protecting themself through staying away from popular within the wallet or even rushing from the linebacker.

    "I do place personally from much more danger becoming available, inch Griffin stated.

    A minimum of which was the facts, even though he or she rapidly reverted in to much more clichés.

    "But each time a person action about the soccer area in between individuals outlines you are placing your lifetime, your job [and] each and every tendon within your body at risk, inch RG3 stated.

    [Related: Doctor disputes Mike Shanahan on RG3's knee]

    Obviously you may be hurt from any time. You are able to truly obtain hurt from any time although when you are able no more maneuver around and steer clear of strikes.

    It had been just about all the lay so in retrospect first year quarterbacks are not designed to help to make the phone call. Instructors tend to be.

    Griffin did not possess a trainer Weekend.

    He'd Paul Shanahan, that looked over this particular clutter, looked over every hapless Redskins generate, looked over each and every unpleasant RG3 action, looked over each and every uncomfortable, http://www.minvikingsshop.com/ Peterson Nike Game Jersey, overthrown move, as well as rather purchased Griffin's fragile quarrels after which shut their eye as well as humiliated in order to themself it might just about all come out OKAY.

    Other than this did not. Not really about the scoreboard. And never within Griffin's leg, that was ultimately carried out within whenever he or she was not actually effective at twisting more than as well as scooping upward a good errant click within the 4th one fourth. Rather the world-class sportsman awkwardly arrived at till their correct leg hyper-extended beneath him or her.

    He or she ended up inside a pile about the grass, clutching which leg whilst Seattle retrieved a present fumble which resulted in a simple, game-clinching area objective.

    It had been the ultimate evidence he in no way should have already been available. Last but not least, as well past due, their day time had been carried out.


    The actual NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE globe is actually second-guessing Paul Shanahan. (UNITED STATES These days)"If you do not draw him or her away after that, you need to obtain terminated, inch Shanahan stated.

    Wa is at eager require associated with this kind of good sense well before which. It had been eager for Shanahan in order to jim this particular eager-to-please wunderkind about the back again, display him or her the actual table as well as place the able back-up, Kirk Cousins.

    Not only for future years from the business, even though that might be sufficient. The actual Redskins required this for that existing chance to earn Sunday's online game.

    Rather this obtained foolish conversations.

    "I spoken in order to Robert as well as he or she believed to me personally, 'Coach, there is a distinction in between becoming hurt as well as becoming harm, a inch Shanahan relayed later on. "He stated, 'I may assure I am harm at this time however provide me personally the opportunity to earn this particular soccer online game simply because We assure I am not really hurt. a

    "That, inch Shanahan stated, "was sufficient personally. inch

    Which, Shanahan should have recognized, had been only a youthful participant duplicating an additional baseless cliché he or she most likely acquired from the grainy NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE Movies voiceover arranged in order to leaping symphonic songs.

    [Photos: Rough outing for RG3, Redskins]

    Shanahan recognized later on which, "I'll most likely second-guess myself" as well as for your he or she warrants the way of measuring credit score. He or she was not rebellious regarding coming this upon Weekend.

    Nevertheless, this particular was not a few click choice within the warmth from the second. This particular performed away more than several hours, having a halftime actually constructed in the centre. There have been 5 consecutive number of futility for any 60-year-old trainer to begin having faith in their own eye instead purchasing the w. utes. of the 22-year-old.

    "He believed to me personally, 'Trust me personally, I wish to maintain presently there as well as We should have to stay presently there, '" Shanahan stated. "And We could not don't agree along with him or her. inch

    Shanahan is actually compensated in order to don't agree along with him or her. That is their work.

    From 1 stage within the 4th one fourth Shanahan made the decision he or she desired to check in the event that RG3 might nevertheless operate, phoning for any easy QB keeper. It had been, in writing, efficient, the 9-yard obtain left. To determine the actual perform, nevertheless, had been to determine one of the biggest hurrying devices within the category hobble towards the outdoors, their leg virtually wobbling upon every action. It had been powerful obstructing and also the component of shock which managed to get function.

    "I requested him or her about this in those days, inch Shanahan stated. "He stated, 'Coach, We could've operate quicker. No one had been presently there. I acquired [9] back yards. That isn't as well poor. We guarantee in the event that I must try it again I possibly could proceed quicker.

    "He offered me personally the best solution. inch

    That is just simply because Shanahan had been requesting the incorrect query. That is to express he or she was not requesting any kind of queries whatsoever.

    Upon as well as upon Shanahan's press meeting proceeded to go. The actual trainer actually unwittingly described the reason why he or she held listening to exactly the same solutions through Griffin, whenever he or she required time for you to compliment the center as well as battle of the natural born player as well as announced that the participant that will not depart a game title is actually "the kind of participant you want. inch It is a group associated with rubbish.

    Shanahan had been strike along with allegations Weekend through Doctor. Wayne Andrews, the actual famous sports activities doctor, regarding Griffin's unique damage towards Baltimore upon 12 ,. 9. Shanahan formerly stated he place RG3 in which online game just simply because Andrews removed the ball player. Andrews problematic which, stating the actual quarterback would not actually allow physician look at him or her as well as he or she in no way fortunate the actual come back.
    A good MRI upon Mon may figure out the actual degree associated with Robert Griffin III's leg damage. (AP)
    "It was not the viewpoint, inch Andrews informed UNITED STATES These days. "We did not actually reach contact him or her or even speak with him or her. Frightened the actual heck from me personally. inch

    Shanahan appeared to fault everything upon miscommunication however it talked to some sideline within disarray. The ball player is actually cleaning away physicians? The actual trainer is actually inventing discussions towards the press? That precisely is within cost close to right here?

    When it comes to degree associated with Griffin's most recent damage, that understands at this time? A good MRI is actually planned Mon. In the beginning Griffin stated this did not really feel any kind of even worse compared to Dec damage. After that following the online game, because points stiffened, he or she accepted it may be even worse.

    "I have no idea exactly how poor it's, inch he or she stated.

    He or she did not understand following the online game. He or she did not understand within the online game. He or she is not designed to understand. He's, since the soccer program trained him or her nicely, designed to lay in order to their trainer as well as convince their teammates which he is indestructible as well as invincible.

    Therefore Robert Griffin 3 do their work Weekend, and then possess Paul Shanahan not really perform their.

    And today Wa may just wish the playoff reduction had been the actual most detrimental point which occurred due to this.

  18. BlogIcon 复印机租赁 2013.03.22 22:37 신고

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     纵深发展的方向是:提高运输效率,加速货物流通,缩短货物在途时间,充分发挥运输设备的效能,达到人、车、物三位一体化。同时以国内为基地向海外拓展,逐步实现构筑全球化的陆、海、空立体交叉运输网络。


     横向发展是以货物运输逐步带动绿色食品基地、国内租赁服务、国际航空等其它产业的开发,形成多元化发展格局,增加抗风险能力,形成以运输业为主业的科技密集型产业集团, http://www.jiaji568888.cn 上海佳吉快运。

  20. Grand Valley State, where he won two national titles, to Central Michigan, where he won a MAC championship, to the University of Cincinnati, where he led a team to a 12-0 record, to, now, Notre Dame, where in his third season he took the once moribund Irish to the national title game, there's an obvious constant.

    Brian Kelly has always been successful. And Brian Kelly has always been a climber.

    That the NFL was on the horizon should surprise no one. Until word broke Wednesday with ESPN saying Kelly has met with the Philadelphia Eagles and there is mutual interest, the horizon still seemed off in the distance.
    Brian Kelly has reportedly interviewed with the Philadelphia Eagles. (USA Today)
    The interview, according to the NFL Network, took place Tuesday, just hours after the Irish's 42-14 BCS title game loss to Alabama, a disappointment that only slightly diminished a dream season. Kelly is now said to be out of the country for a brief vacation, an entirely separate bizarre turn. Notre Dame declined to comment on the reports.

    For Philadelphia, there is risk all over this one. Kelly doesn't have a single day of NFL experience, either as a player or a coach. At the same time there's a simple and powerful angle to sell the fan base. Kelly wins. Everywhere. And he did it at programs that either hadn't ever achieved such success, or in the case of Notre Dame, not seen it for years.



    A Philly fan base desperate for success after the slide under Andy Reid might buy into that. And while he's known as an offensive coach, a developer of talent and a fine motivator, this past season he won with defense in South Bend, a desperate need for the Eagles. Moreover, he's known as a terrific in-game manager, with solid adjustments. There's no need to bring up Reid's reputation on that.

    Still, this would be a leap of faith. Kelly played ball at little Assumption College in Massachusetts, and after a brief stint in political organization he worked his way up slowly through the college coaching ranks. His time at even the highest level of college football is limited – three years at ND and three years at UC, if you consider the Big East that.

    [Related: Manti Te'o's draft stock in doubt after tough BCS title game ]

    At 51 he would arrive as a newcomer to the league, yet lacking the reputation as an offensive savant like Oregon's Chip Kelly, whom the Eagles, among others, also pursued.

    This would be, for Philly, a gamble.

    It would be, for Brian Kelly, a stunning departure also.


    Again, only the most devout Irish fan could believe that Kelly was going to stay forever in South Bend. In truth, the national demands of the job, from recruiting to alumni responsibilities, tend to wear everyone out. Lou Holtz, the last ND coach who wasn't asked to leave, said he was so exhausted after 11 seasons he thought he was too tired to coach anymore. After a brief rest, he realized he was just too tired to coach Notre Dame, so he took the South Carolina job.

    [Related: Robert Griffin III, other NFL players likely fearful of 'Jay Cutler' treatment]

    Kelly is only in his third season, one in which the Irish arrived in national contention ahead of schedule. This would seem to be the time for Kelly to enjoy the fruits of his labor, to ride the momentum and see exactly what this program can do. He's always been pushing for the next job. Now here was a job he could dig in and see what was possible.

    No, the blowout loss to 'Bama wasn't fun, but no one thought the Irish would get to the title game this year, and no one thinks it's their last crack. The Irish, as long as Kelly was around, were back.


    The Eagles are searching for a replacement for head coach Andy Reid. (AP) He returns a star-studded team, including most of the vaunted defensive line, freshman quarterback Everett Golson and plenty of skill players. Manti Te'o has graduated, but there is plenty of young talent there.

    And more is coming. Kelly is sitting on the current No. 1 ranked recruiting class according to rivals.com, a group flush with the kind of athletes from across the country that Notre Dame knows it needs if it wants to come back and beat an Alabama some day.

    "Winning, " Kelly said earlier this year, "sure does help. "

    Yet just days after brushing aside, but not burying, interest in the NFL, he's reportedly looking at the opportunity to take on another enormous challenge, at the game's highest level.

    For Notre Dame this is a gut-punch. The Irish have suffered through nearly two decades of poor to average coaches while a perception was built that the school could never again be nationally relevant due to strict academics, location, a lack of conference affiliation and a host of other items.

    Then when Notre Dame finally gets a capable coach who quickly proves none of that is true, who restores a measure of glory and has the program primed for even more, it might lose him?

    That quickly? And to the Eagles?

    You could argue this is a classic power play to use NFL interest – real or rumored – into a lucrative contract extension. Notre Dame is the king of those sucker jobs, having once handed Charlie Weis a ten-year deal just because gossip spread that an NFL team might want to talk to him at the end of the season.


    [Yahoo! Sports Radio: Texans' Owen Daniels on rematch in New England]

    The thing is that Kelly was already going to get paid. He was already in the perfect position. He restored Notre Dame, http://www.snclippers.com/ Clippers Lamar Odom Jersey, bringing joy to one of the wealthiest alumni bases in major college football. He'd earned his raise.

    No, the interest in the NFL is real. It's always been real, the ultimate spot for an upwardly mobile coach.

    Brian Kelly has always won. Brian Kelly has always climbed.

    In a nervous South Bend, with no obvious big-name, proven successor (defensive coordinator Bob Diaco? )#) standing by, everyone waits to see if the jump comes sooner, far sooner, than they ever imagined.

  21. BlogIcon 富二代娱乐城 2013.07.25 17:12 신고

    좋은
    还谈什么,同时他们与国内球员的磨合也还需要一定的时间, http://www.bg12.pw 赔率看盘那个公司最好。最终两队各拿1分平分秋色。中路跟进的马丁加西亚头球攻门,湖北队差点扩大比分。 第85分钟, 联赛战罢11轮后,失误、倒地、滑铲等,全队上下争分夺秒地为保 级而战,新换回的外援意向已经基本确定。
    北京时间7月14日皮球击中横梁后弹出界外。此后一段时间, 由于自身实力有限,紧接着他用左脚将球搓起来吊入禁区。


아이폰 5 컨셉 기능들, 앞으로 스마트폰이 갖추어야 할 기능들



대중적 인지도가 높은 사람, 제품들 주변엔 항상 소문이 많이 돌기 마련입니다. 유명한 연예인들 주변에는 열애설, 혹은 결별설 등의 루머가 많이 돌고, 스마트폰의 대명사라고 할 수 있는 아이폰의 경우에는 신제품에 대한 끊임없는 루머가 쏟아져 나옵니다.

이러한 루머들은 그 제품, 혹은 사람에 대한 바램이 어느정도 투영되어 있다고 볼 수도 있습니다. ( 연예인의 경우 흠이 있을꺼라는 무언의 기대(?)가 반영된게 아닐까요? )

아무튼 아이폰의 출시가 임박한 가운데 이슈가 되었던 아이폰 5 컨셉 기능들을 살펴 보았습니다.






비록 동영상의 제목이 아이폰5 컨셉 영상이지만 여기서 소개된 기능들은 아이폰 이후 버전들 뿐만아니라 갤럭시S 시리즈, 옵티머스 시리즈 등의 다른 스마트폰 제조 회사들이 앞으로 구현하도록 노력해야 할 기능들일 것입니다.







먼저 ULTRA THIN DESIGN 입니다. 스마트폰은 물론이고, 태블릿 PC, 노트북 등에서도 이미 슬림 경쟁이 가속화되고 있습니다. 자사의 제품이 타사의 제품보다 얼마나 얇은지 강조하고 있으며, 제품의 세대가 지나갈 수록 더욱 더 얇은 제품을 내놓고 있습니다.

전자기기 시장은 날이 갈 수록 스펙이 상향평준화되고 있습니다. 하드웨어의 성능자체는 별반 다를 것이 없어지고 있다는 말입니다. 혹은 뛰어나게 성능이 좋아도 그 성능을 100% 사용하지 않기 때문에 하드웨어의 선택 기준에서 우선순위가 떨어지게 됩니다.

 그렇다면 반대로 중요하게 생각하는 특징은 무엇일까요? 바로 디자인입니다. 같은 성능 혹은 성능이 상관없다면 좀 더 예쁘고 세련된 폰을 원하는게 인지상정입니다. '같은 값이면 다홍치마'라고 같은 성능을 가지고 있다면 예쁜 제품에 눈이가겠지요. 그런면에서 ULTRA THIN 이라는 특징, 얇은 스마트폰을 향한 경쟁은 계속 될 것으로 보입니다.







두번째로 LASER KEYBOARD 입니다. 컴퓨터는 1세대에서부터 시작하여 지금까지 진화에 진화를 거듭했습니다. 이런 진화의 경계선에 있는 변화가 인터페이스의 변화입니다. 초창기 컴퓨터는 프로그래머가 하나하나 스위치를 눌러야 하는 불편한 계산기였습니다. 그러다가 진공관을 이용한 모니터가 생기고, 키보드라는 문자열을 입력 할 수 있는 입력장치가 생기고, 마우스, 스캐너, 태블릿 등의 수 많은 입력장치가 생겼습니다.

스마트폰의 경우도 마찬가지입니다. 스마트폰을 사용해보신분들은 아시겠지만 입력에 굉장히 많은 불편사항이 있습니다. 터치방식이기 때문에 오타도 많이나고, 디스플레이 공간이 입력시에 키보드로 바뀌기 때문에 답답한 면도 있습니다. 이를 해소하기위해서 악세서리로 휴대용 키보드가 있긴하지만 추가로 구매해야하고, 번거로운 단점이 있습니다.

이런 것을 한번에 해결 할 수 있는 것이 바로 레이저 키보드입니다. 입력 공간을 스마트폰의 스크린에 제한하지 않고, 스마트폰 밖으로 꺼내버리는 것이죠. 키보드의 크기도 자유자재로, 스킨도 자유자재로 바꿀 수 있으니 개발이 된다면 굉장히 편리한 기능이 될 것입니다.

스마트폰에 있어서 또 다른 진화가 이루어 지는 것이라 할 수 있겠지요.






입력 장치의 진화가 있다면 출력 장치의 진화도 있어야 겠지요. 마지막 컨셉은 HOLOGRAPHIC DISPLAY입니다. 주로 SF영화에 많이 나오는 장치인데요. 기본적으로 화면을 통해 정보를 보여주지만, 입력장치와 마찬가지로 스크린을 벗어나 디바이스의 외부에 영상을 출력해주는, 그것도 스크린에 2D 영상으로 뿌리는 프로젝터 기능이 아니라 공중에 상을 맺게 하는 홀로그램 디스플레이입니다.

사실 영상에서 보시는 2D 홀로그램의 경우엔 매력적으로 보이지 않는게 사실인데요. 홀로그램의 완성은 3D입니다. 3D 홀로그램 디스플레이 기능이 스마트폰에 탑재된다면, 영상물을 좀 더 실감나게 볼 수 있고, 궁극적으로 상대방과 홀로그램을 이용해서 커뮤니케이션하는 SF영화에서 본 장면이 실현될 수도 있을 것입니다.


iPhone 2g, iPhone 3GS, iPhone 4
iPhone 2g, iPhone 3GS, iPhone 4 by reticulating 저작자 표시비영리변경 금지


스마트 폰 뿐만아니라 모든 시장의 주도권은 이미 제조자, 기업에서 소비자, 고객으로 넘어갔습니다. 스마트폰의 경우 안드로이드 진영과 iOS 진영의 치열한 싸움이 전개되고 있기 때문에 어느 제품이, 어느 진영이, 어느 회사가 고객의 요구를 먼저 충족시킬 수 있는지가 관건이 될 것입니다.

해마다 반복되고 있는 아이폰 관련 루머는 아이폰에 대한 고객들의 열망일 뿐만아니라 스마트폰이라는 디바이스에 대한 사용자들의 요구일 것입니다. 이러한 요구들을 제조사들에게 도전과제이자 기회일 것입니다. 이런 요구를 제대로 파악해서 실현, 구현 시켜 준다면 치열한 경쟁에서 한발자국 앞서나갈 수 있을 것 입니다.

영상을 잠깐 보고 나니까 미래에 다녀온 느낌이군요. 저런 제품이 개발되기까지 얼마나 많은 엔지니어들이 밤을 새워야 할까요 ㅜㅜ.. ( 눈물이 납니다. )


추가 영상

iPhone Concept Feature Full 영상 보기




  1. 이전 댓글 더보기
  2. BlogIcon 단호한결의 2011.09.08 10:15 신고

    동영상대로만 나온다면 정말 초대박이겠습니다.
    현재 아이폰3GS를 사용하고 있는데 지름신이 저에게 한걸음 가까이 오신 것 같군요.

  3. BlogIcon 안다 2011.09.08 10:33 신고

    와~우 울트라 씬...대박입니다~!!

  4. BlogIcon 마음노트 2011.09.08 11:09 신고

    제가 생각했던 것과 비슷한점도있습니다.
    욕심인지..스마트폰 장만한지 올해인데..답답해요.
    좀 더 좋은 제품이 탐납니다~

  5. BlogIcon 세리수 2011.09.08 11:18 신고

    계속 진화하는군요
    저는 아직 일반폰인데...^&^

  6. BlogIcon 라이너스™ 2011.09.08 11:33 신고

    꼭있었으면 하는 기능들을 콕콕~
    좋은글 잘보고갑니다. 행복한 하루되세요^^

  7. BlogIcon 해우기 2011.09.08 13:03 신고

    지금 기능도 제대로 못쓰지만....
    아이폰5가 기다려진다는..ㅎㅎ

    약정기간이 많이 남아 바꾸지도 못하는데...

  8. BlogIcon Eco_Hong 2011.09.08 13:07 신고

    빨리 나왔습 좋겠다. :)

  9. BlogIcon 사랑퐁퐁 2011.09.08 13:32 신고

    요놈 정말 장난이 아니군요..
    요놈 나오면 스마트폰 바로 바꿔야 겠네요...좋은정보 잘보구 갑니다..

  10. BlogIcon s2용 2011.09.08 14:14 신고

    저렇게만 나온다면.... ㄷㄷㄷㄷ^^
    아이폰5 목빠지게 기다리고 있어요~

  11. BlogIcon Seen 2011.09.08 16:42 신고

    마지막 동영상에 스마트폰 두께가 장난 아니군요.
    현재 그래핀이라는 차세대 소재가 개발중이니
    앞으로 실제로 극도로 얇은 스마트폰을 볼 날이 머지 않은 것 같습니다.
    좋은 글 감사히 읽고갑니다. 편안한 오후되세요 꼬마낙타님 ^^

  12. BlogIcon +요롱이+ 2011.09.08 19:14 신고

    으허어.. 보기만 해도 장난이 아니에요..!! ㅎ
    실제로 나온다면 무조건 살 것 같아요 ㅎ

  13. BlogIcon cfono1 2011.09.08 19:32 신고

    아직은... 어렵겠죠? ㅎㅎㅎㅎ

  14. 아이폰6 2011.09.08 21:36 신고

    아이폰5가 3G로 출시할것이라는 예상이네요.... 미국내 통신망이

    4G통신망을 미루고있기때문에 3G가 확실시된다는군요.....

    이렇게되면 3G 품질개선에 주력하는 KT로 갈아탸야겠네요..

    SK는 4G에만 집중하고 3G는 소홀하기때문이죠... 현제 3G속도테스트에서도

    KT가 SK보다 빠르다고 테스트결과가 나오고있죠.. SK 이제 ㅂㅂ인가...

  15. BlogIcon 별이 2011.09.09 00:45 신고

    아이폰5 기다리다가 목빠지는 1인이에요^^ 빨리 나와라^^
    행복한 저녁 되세요^^

  16. BlogIcon 바닐라로맨스 2011.09.09 02:32 신고

    지금 우와~ 하지만 10년 내에는 상용화 되지 않을까요?

  17. BlogIcon 역기드는그녀 2011.09.09 03:24 신고

    레이저키보드 정말 좋을꺼 같아요 ㅎㅎ
    잘 보고 갑니다~

  18. BlogIcon 윈컴이 2011.09.10 12:50 신고

    아이폰 5가 나오면 아이폰 4를 살 준비를 해야죠.(?)
    하핫..

  19. 하모니 2011.09.13 13:33 신고

    삼성이 저런 기능을 추구했다면..

    (1) 울트라 씬 : 중요한건 소프트웨어인데 하드웨어에만 집착하는 삼성의 종특 나왔군
    (2) 레이저 키보드 : 소비자를 호구로 취급하는구나, 악세서리 좀 팔아서 돈좀 벌어보려구?
    (3) 홀로그래픽 : ㅄ 삽질들 한다. 그게 먹히겠냐? 그런 쓰잘데없는 기능 빼고 차라리 가격을 낮춰라. 소비자 등신 취급 그만하고..

    이런 반응들이 나왔을 겁니다.

  20. BlogIcon 이바구™ 2011.09.16 14:03 신고

    두번째 기능이 제일 급한 것이 아닌가 생각해 봅니다.

  21. BlogIcon 해피프린팅 2011.09.23 11:05 신고

    정말 충격과 감동을 주는 동영상인 것 같습니다. 레이저 키보드 기능은 할 말이 없군요^^;
    아이폰5에 위의 기능들이 들어가진 않겠지만, 언젠가는 차세대 아이폰에 컨셉 기능들이 들어갈 날이 오겠죠?
    소중한 포스팅 잘 보고 갑니다 :)


태어나지 말았어야 할 최악의 기술 Top 5



지난 1세기 동안 엄청난 기술의 진보를 이룩한 우리 인간 사회, 인터넷의 개발, PC의 발전, 스마트폰의 보급 등등 우리 삶을 풍요롭고 편리하게 만들어 주는 기술들이 개발되었습니다. 하지만 쓸데 없이 만들어져 우리를 괴롭히는 기술들도 덩달아 개발되었는데요.



씨넷 오스트레일리아가 이런 주제로 흥미로운 영상을 만들었습니다. 바로 '태어나지 말았어야 할' 최악의 기술 TOP5 인데요. 최악까지는 아니고 짜증나게 만드는 기술이라고 하겠습니다.






기술의 탄생, 보급은 각각 필요에 의해 생겼지만 결과적으로 우리를 짜증나게도 하지요. 이 순위에 올라와 있는 것들이 바로 그런 것들입니다. 우리에게 도움을 주긴하지만 짜증나게 만드는 기술이지요.

이런 태어나지 말았어야 할 기술들... 앞으로도 꾸준히 만들어지겠지요? ㅋㅋㅋ
  1. BlogIcon 당근천국 2011.09.07 15:43 신고

    왠지 베터리문제는 100짜리 베터리 개발-> 150필요한 기기 등장 -> 150짜리 베터리 개발 -> 200짜리 기기 등장
    식이 되서 100년 후에도 까일거 같네요 ㅎㅎㅎ

  2. BlogIcon s2용 2011.09.07 16:01 신고

    저는 핵폭탄 뭐 그런 기술로 생각하고 들어왔어요 ㅎㅎㅎ
    그냥 IT에 적용되는 사항들이네요^^
    어느 정도 공감은 갑니다~

  3. BlogIcon 달콤 시민 2011.09.07 16:24 신고

    그러게요~
    바이러스는 최악이죠..ㅋㅋㅋ

  4. BlogIcon 스친기억파란하늘 2011.09.07 16:37 신고

    저도 배터리문제는 해결되었으면 좋겠다고 생각했었는데 ㅎㅎ

    결국엔 나와버렸네요 -ㅁ-;

  5. BlogIcon Neo-Type 2011.09.07 16:39 신고

    전용 뭐시기 나올 때 잉크 얘기와 특히, 배터리의 경우는 정말이지 공감인 게
    현재 아트릭스 사용 중인데 얼마 안 사용한 듯 하면서도 배터리가 미친듯이 떨어지더군요.
    (이놈은 1,880mAH인 주제에 뭔 배터리가 예전에 썼던 피쳐 폰보다 더 빨리 떨어지는지.)

    개인적으로 생각하는 건 TN 패널, 16:9 와이드스크린 등등...

  6. BlogIcon 신지렁이 2011.09.07 17:08 신고

    5위, 1위 빼곤 공감입니다
    전용제품 때문에 다른 회사 제품으로 갈아타면 짜증나죠

  7. BlogIcon PASOWORLD 2011.09.07 18:54 신고

    DRM은 정말 공감가네요. ㅎㅎㅎ

  8. BlogIcon 황자 2011.09.07 23:43 신고

    5가지 중에 공감하지 않는게 더 많은 것 같네요~ㅎ
    근데 DRM은 처음 들어보는데 무엇인지 알아봐야겠습니다 ㅡㅡ;

  9. 2011.09.08 01:49

    비밀댓글입니다

  10. BlogIcon cfono1 2011.09.08 01:54 신고

    전 다이너마이트나 원자폭탄이 나올줄 알았는데... ㅋ

  11. 에버그린 2011.09.08 08:09 신고

    안태어나고싶은데 태어난것도 있겠죠~ ㅋ
    뭔소리를~^^;;

  12. BlogIcon 울릉갈매기 2011.09.08 09:08 신고

    공통적으로 사용하면
    돈이 안되니 이렇게 한거겠지만
    사용하는 사람들은 좀 그렇네요~^^
    행복한 하루 되세요~^^

  13. BlogIcon 8월7일 2011.09.08 09:28 신고

    그래도 덕분에 세상을 조금이나마 살수있는것 같네요... 문제는 문제지만요..

  14. BlogIcon 보기다 2011.09.08 11:13 신고

    전용이라 이름붙은 모든 물건들요~^^

  15. BlogIcon 와이군 2011.09.10 00:07 신고

    프린터랑 잉크는 정말 공감가네요 ㅋㅋㅋ

  16. BlogIcon 이청용 2012.01.06 09:08 신고

    이것은 감사의 말씀을 매우 짧은 주석입니다

  17. BlogIcon Jordans 2013 2013.02.07 14:52 신고

    ?艺术家:贾斯廷与之;

    歌曲:那应该是我





    每个人的笑声在我的脑海

    扩张这家伙''bout谣言

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    我要握住你的手

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    应该是我感受你的吻

    我买给你的礼物



    这是错的

    我无法继续

    直到你相信

    但那应该是我

    我应该



    你说你需要一些时间从我的错误中学习

    好笑的是你用时间来代替我

    你以为我看不到你的电影



    你对我做了什么

    你带他去我们常去那里

    现在如果你想伤害我的心

    它的工作,因为你知道



    ,我要握住你的手

    我应该让你笑

    应该是我,这是如此悲伤

    应该是我,那应该是我

    应该是我感受你的吻

    我买给你的礼物



    这是错的

    我无法继续

    直到你相信

    我应该



    我需要知道我将战斗

    爱或升降机

    越来越难以盾

    这痛苦从我的心



    |哦哦

    |我要握住你的手

    我应该让你笑

    应该是我,这是如此悲伤

    应该是我,那应该是我

    应该是我感受你的吻

    我买给你的礼物



    这是错的

    我无法继续

    直到你相信

    ,那应该是我



    牵着你的手

    我应该是

    让你笑的人(哦,哦)

    我应该



    应该是我

    送花给你

    我应该是

    几小时

    我(应该是我

    我应该



    应该是我)

    不应该让你走

    我不应该让你走

    我应该是

    我不应该让你走

    我应该



    韩国联合通讯社,韩国第十八任民选总统公园在十二月三十一日通过新闻媒体发表拜年,约2个月后,新政府上台后,新政府将把人们关注的问题,解决民生问题的操作政府第一次



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  18. BlogIcon Colene Pflugrad 2013.02.25 00:56 신고

    테마 블로그의이 진짜 신선한, 확인 그 명 사람 발생 블로그 반드시 사랑 .에서 더 자세한 의견 , 나는 이동 넘는 우리의 선택 뒤에 이유의 일부를 .}

  19. BlogIcon supra chaussure 2013.03.19 03:34 신고

    매우 지원 및 이월하고 있습니다.

  20. BlogIcon Prince Fielder Jersey 2013.03.20 20:33 신고

    The day after the Colorado Rockies drafted Russell Wilson, his father died. Jay Matthews, the Rockies scout who spent five years coveting Wilson and was sure he would one day play in the major leagues, happened to be driving through Wilson's hometown of Richmond, Va., and called his cell phone.

    Wilson told him the bad news. Diabetes had taken Harrison Wilson III, 55, a man Matthews knew couldn't have been any prouder. His son played football at North carolina State and was about to play baseball for the Rockies and maybe, just maybe, was the evolutionary answer to Deion Sanders and Bo Jackson and Brian Jordan: not just a football player who thrived at baseball but a quarterback who thrived in both sports. Matthews reflexively asked if there was anything he could do.


    On the path toward becoming a QB for the Seahawks, Russell Wilson was a baseball prospect for the Rockies. (AP) …"You can throw me some batting practice, " Wilson said.

    So around 10 p. m., about 24 hours after he said good-bye to his father, Russell Wilson ripped baseballs at a local batting cage with his brother, Harrison IV, and Matthews.

    The world now knows Wilson as the dynamic quarterback of the Seattle Seahawks, the lone rookie signal-caller remaining in an NFL postseason primed to be his, much as every endeavor he undertakes. While the baseball career Wilson left behind is a footnote to his burgeoning legend, it merits more than that, not because Wilson was a superstar waiting to happen but because of how all the characteristics that define him as a quarterback manifested themselves on the diamond, too.

    [MLB springboards: Rockies ranked No. 27]

    The Rockies took a flyer on Wilson, like the Orioles had done after his senior year in high school with a 41st-round pick in 2007. Wilson played baseball at N. C. State for three seasons, though his raw tools never bloomed. Still, Matthews and Danny Montgomery, the Rockies assistant scouting director, were insistent: Even if Wilson might end up in the NFL, take him anyway. What football scouts saw as an unconquerable flaw – he stands 5-feet-10 and change, which makes him a suitable quarterback only in Lilliput – mattered not for a future second baseman. Colorado chose him in the fourth round in 2010, with the 140th overall pick, not much lower than he went two years later in the NFL draft (third and 75th).

    Matthews returned to Richmond for Harrison Wilson III's funeral five days later along with Montgomery. Wilson, then 21, delivered the eulogy.

    "He was so eloquent, " Matthews said. "You know how you can tell a leader? He has poise in difficult times. He had a black suit on with a purple tie. When he was eulogizing his father, he said I'm going to sign with the Rockies and play baseball this summer. "

    Less than a week later, before he flew to Denver to work out with Rockies brass and sign his contract, Wilson called Matthews, who happened to be driving to Zebulon, N. C., to see the Class A Carolina Mudcats. Wilson asked him to stop in Raleigh. If he was going to play second base, a position he never tried, he wanted a few tips from Matthews, a former infielder. Wilson dared not embarrass himself in front of his new bosses.

    Problem was, Matthews had only 20 minutes. So Wilson improvised and asked him to meet at his apartment. Matthews parked in a street-level garage. Wilson showed up with a ball and a glove.

    "I gave him a crash course in the parking lot, " Matthews said. "Dimly lit. I ended up rolling him about 30 ground balls, and we did double-play pivots. He picked up on it so quick. "

    The next day, Matthews called Rich Dauer, the Rockies coach who once went 86 games and 425 chances at second base without an error. He asked how Wilson did in his workout. Dauer said it was like he had played there for years.

    Wilson committed just one error in 31 games that summer for Low-A Tri-City. The glove wasn't going to be a problem, nor was his speed, which needed only refining. The question always was whether Wilson's bat would grow to major league quality, and the Rockies pegged him as the sort who could grow into a line-drive hitter with excellent plate discipline.

    "Given 1, 500 at-bats in pro ball where he could get in and recognize pitches and get his at-bats, " Matthews said, "he was going to develop into a hitter that could compete at the professional level. "

    [Related: Managers will be able to use cell phones to call bullpen]

    His baseball career ended at 315 at-bats with a. 229/. 354/. 356 line and five home runs. About a year ago, following a transfer to Wisconsin that revitalized his college football career, Wilson told the Rockies he was giving up baseball to pursue football full-time and repaid part of his $250, 000 bonus. It saddened Matthews. All of the things that Wilson's Seahawks teammates rave – the leadership, poise and intangibles necessary to overcome the physical disadvantages – were there in baseball as well. Wilson would show up to the ballpark at 10 a. m. to work on bunting. He asked for extra ground balls in the batting cage. He showed up weeks early to spring training after the grind of a football season to acclimate himself back to baseball.


    Russell Wilson played three season of collegiate ball at N. C. State. (Raleigh News&Observer) He was not going to be another Chris Iannetta or Jeff Baker or Cory Sullivan, all players Matthews signed. Nor would he be James Paxton or Mason Williams or Eddie Rosario, all fourth-round picks in 2010 with good chances to make the major leagues. And not Deion or Bo or certainly Drew Henson, the quarterback who washed out in baseball and football.

    Well, probably not.

    "He's such a strong-willed and -minded person, if he put his mind to it, he could do it, " Matthews said. "When all the naysayers told him he's 5-foot-10, I was saying to myself, 'Don't dare say that. ' He's the kind of person who would prove you wrong. If enough people told him he couldn't come back and play baseball, he might wake up one day and say, 'OK, fine. I'll do it. ' I wouldn't say anything is impossible for that young man. "

    For now, Wilson has the Atlanta Falcons, and the playoffs on his mind. Football is his sport these days, and its glory certainly beats bus trips through the sticks and grinding out at-bats in the swelter of summer. Baseball is there and will welcome him back. And in the meantime, Jay Matthews, Danny Montgomery and everyone in the Rockies organization will dream of a Troy Tulowitzki-Russell Wilson double-play combination and wonder what could have been, http://www.eshopfalcons.com/ Falcons Matt Ryan Game Jersey.


갤럭시 플레이어 70 포맷하기, 내장 메모리 초기화 하기



갤럭시 플레이어 70 포맷하기의 첫번째는 공장초기화였습니다. 안드로이드 폰이나 플레이어를 이용하다보면 이것저것 많이 설치되어 있어 느려지는 경우가 있는데, 그 때 운영체제를 초기화시키는 것이 공장초기화였습니다. 하지만 공장초기화만으로는 만족하지 못 하는 부분이 있습니다.

내장 메모리에 쓸데 없는 파일들이 남아 있게 되는데, 이것들도 완전히 날려버리고 깨끗하게 만들고 싶다면 내장 메모리 초기화까지 해주면 됩니다.

다시 말씀드리지만, 중요한 파일들, 사진들, 동영상 들은 미리 PC에 백업을 해두시기 바랍니다. 공장초기화와 내장 메모리 초기화를 거치면 다 날라가니 주의하시기 바랍니다.





[메인 메뉴]를 선택합니다.








[설정]을 선택합니다.










[설정] 메뉴에서 'SD카드 및 디바이스 메모리'를 선택합니다.









[내장 메모리 포맷]을 선택합니다.








포맷하면 데이터가 다 날아갑니다.


"내장 메모리를 포맷합니다"를 선택합니다.









[포맷하기]를 선택합니다.









[포맷중...] 이라는 메시지가 뜹니다.


조금만 기다리시면 포맷이 완료됩니다.









'SD카드 등록 해제'를 선택합니다.


포맷하기 전에 SD 카드를 사용하고 있는 여러분 폰의 어플들에게


"이제 이거 포맷 할 꺼니까 쓰던거 내놔" 라고 말하는 작업입니다.










[확인]을 눌러줍니다.










설치된 어플리케이션들에게 SD 카드 내놓으라고 말하고 있군요.


잠깐 기다리면 선택 할 수 있게 메뉴가 바뀝니다.


'SD 카드 포맷'을 선택합니다.









'SD카드를 포맷합니다' 를 선택합니다.








다시 말씀드리지만 한번 포맷을 하면 모든 데이터가 날아가기 때문에


주의하시기 바랍니다.


'포맷 하기'를 선택합니다.





스마트폰같은 스마트 디바이스들은 사용하다보면 이래저래 쓸데 없는 어플들도 많이 설치하고, 파일도 많아지게 되어 속도가 느려지게 됩니다. ( PC도 오랜기간 사용하다보면 성능이 떨어지는 느낌을 받는 경우가 있습니다. 비슷한 예죠. )

그 때마다 한번씩 공장초기화 해주거나 내장메모리 초기화를 통해서 다시 빨라지게 할 수 있습니다. ^^

다만 스마트폰에 있는 데이터는 다 날아가기 때문에 따로 PC에 백업을 해 둘 필요가 있으니 주의하시길 바랍니다. ~~
  1. 이전 댓글 더보기
  2. BlogIcon Hare's 2011.09.06 12:31 신고

    갤럭시 플레이어 쓰시는 분들께 좋은 정보일듯 하네요^^

  3. BlogIcon +요롱이+ 2011.09.06 13:04 신고

    잘 보구 갑니다^^
    갤플 사용자분들에게 좋은 정보인듯하네요^^

  4. BlogIcon 사랑퐁퐁 2011.09.06 16:07 신고

    갤럭시를 쓰시는분께 좋은 정보 일것 같네요..
    좋은정보 잘보구 갑니다.

  5. BlogIcon 마음노트 2011.09.06 16:28 신고

    제폰도 한번 되나 체크나 해봐야겠어요.
    좋은 정보 자알 파악했습니다.

  6. 2011.09.06 19:13

    비밀댓글입니다

  7. BlogIcon bxstory 2011.09.06 20:45 신고

    좋은 정보네요 ^^ 갤플 언제쯤 가져보나.. ㅡ.ㅡ

  8. BlogIcon 울릉갈매기 2011.09.07 00:00 신고

    ㅎㅎㅎ
    함부러 하다가는 난리 나는데요~ㅎㅎㅎ
    행복한 시간 되세요~^^

  9. BlogIcon 별이 2011.09.07 01:04 신고

    잘보고 갑니다^^
    행복한 저녁 되세요^^

  10. 지수 2011.10.17 23:48 신고

    SD카드 등록 해제라는 저게 안나와요ㅠㅠ어떡하죠? 이동식 메모리에도 MUSIC VIDEO 이런 기본 폴더들도 안나와요

  11. 망함 2011.10.19 20:29 신고

    sd카드 마운트 라는게 활성화가 안됨 music video 이것들도 없을뿐더러

  12. 안녕하세요 2011.10.20 16:49 신고

    죄송한데
    저기 밑에
    음악, 비디오, 인터넷, 메인메뉴
    저 아이콘들좀 없애는방법없나요 ?ㅠㅠㅠㅠ

  13. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++笑话幽默->>魔鬼词典>>A

    爱情
    1.男女之间达到无法分离时的状态,通常是以金钱为计量单位的。
    2.在你觉得生活无法再好时开始,又再你觉得生活无法再坏时结束的那一段心灵状态。
    艾滋病
    消化不良所导致的友邦惊诧论,谁摊上谁就是晚年地主。
    哀悼
    告诉别人:显示同情比丧失亲人更为不幸。
    癌症
    终生的内疚,正是它蚕食着你的肉体和灵魂。
    安慰
    一种受到赞扬的欺骗行为,常常围绕某个不幸者产生。
    澳大利亚
    这个国家居民至今还没有明确的归属感,因为他们不知道自己是生活在地球上最小的大陆上,还是最大的岛屿上。
    癌症
    在废除死刑制度之后的民主、法治国度里,授予医生的一种宣判死刑的特权。
    安慰
    人人都使用过和被使用过的武器。当你安慰别人的时候你就觉得高人一等了,安慰是不用付任何代价而能用你使用过的手指揩他人的屁股。
    暗器
    未经提防的杀伤武器,以其短小、飘逸而又精明能干着称。它是以弱胜强,以小胜大的秘密和关键。
    傲慢
    涂在自尊与自重的脸皮上的润滑油,对手下、年幼者、顶头上司以外的鞭长莫及难以报复的大人物都可以傲慢,这是傲慢者摸索总结出的一条安全规则。 笑话幽默->>魔鬼词典>>B

    芭蕾
    以高人一等的脚法表现的老叟百读不懂,小伙百读不厌的东西。
    巴基斯坦
    鸡蛋摔在地毯上导致的一句外语:“巴叽湿毯”。
    半身雕像
    女人胸部的雕塑。
    伴娘
    在新郎眼里最漂亮的女人。
    保证书
    这是厂家的许诺,说它的产品在保修期内不会出毛病。
    被告
    一个被指控的人,在其清白无辜被证明之前,他是有罪的。
    本能
    这是一种先天的知识,它警告你说你根本不知道到底是怎么回事。
    便携式电脑
    可以方便地拎回家去用的公家电脑。

    合法的强词夺理。
    辩论
    这是一种口头或书面的战争,参加战斗的人们轮流怀疑他们的信念,相信他们的怀疑。
    卑鄙
    当某人用不同寻常的方法获得成功时你给他的一种评价,它同时包含了一种懊悔的心情---要是我先能想到如此妙计该多好。
    背部
    是你朋友的身体的一部分,专供你处在不幸之中时注视的。
    备分
    就像大部分人要读世界名着一样,经常想起,经常说起,却从来没有做的一件事。
    笨蛋
    所谓“笨蛋”是这样一种人,你所熟悉的东西他不知道,他知道的东西你也一无所知。
    比赛监督
    对裁判的错误不当场指出,回去向足协打小报告的官员。
    标准
    广告界一种权威奖项的名称。谁的广告做得最多最诱人最无孔不入,谁得产品便可贴上“标准”的标签。
    病毒
    飞进电脑里的苍蝇。
    并行
    旅客上下公共汽车的一种方式,与串行不同,这在无人维持次序时普遍采用。这样的车站叫做并行端口。
    不受欢迎的人
    一般是指国与国之间你打我一个耳光我打你一个耳光之后,互相驱逐的外交人员。他们互相报销对方的返程机票。


    ../../ 笑话幽默->>魔鬼词典>>C


    五花八门的异口同声。
    财富
    财富意味着犯罪而不受惩罚。

    一种引导人变成羊的高深学问。
    残酷无情
    你没有大学文凭却取得巨大成就,这时就有人骂你残酷无情了。
    常驻内存(Resident)
    对大部分人来说,初恋情人、别人欠自己的钱以及自己帮别人做好的事是常驻内存的。
    仓促
    笨拙者的敏捷。
    吵架
    世界上吸引观众最多的体育比赛,由两人或多人参加,通常以参赛者的唾沫星数量及其飞行速度来决定胜负。
    超级替补
    对那些与主教练有隙的着名球员的雅称。
    超过
    超过别人意味着多个仇人。
    抄袭
    使一篇作品产生两分名利效果的最简捷行为。
    扯皮
    迫不及待地想知道“肉”的味道。
    程序
    告诉你一个秘密:电脑其实很蠢,什么事都是我一步步教它的.
    程序员
    剧作家。他们的作品专在电脑屏幕上放映。同电影发展类似,其作品也经历了从无声到有声,从黑白到彩色的过程。与一般剧作家不同的是,程序员长生不老。如果你曾经听说过程序员也有去世的,那只是因为他们自身程序的gosub语句后忘了加上return命令。
    沉默
    谈话的中途,在哑口无言的时候所表现出的美德。
    成就
    努力的终结和厌倦的开始。
    成人
    一个有责任停止嬉笑玩乐的人。
    承诺
    社会上的一种流行病。对足球来说,它不过是一场掩耳盗铃的游戏。
    辞典
    一个个单词按字母顺序汇编成的一本书,单词后面列有一些有用但毫无幽默感的定义,与本魔鬼辞典相比,它不仅用处小得多,而且趣味性也有天壤之别!
    磁盘
    树木的年轮记录着岁月流逝的苍茫;智慧的年轮记载着人类成长的脚步.
    重新启动
    用户的WINDOWS系统出问题后,专家能够给出的最简单最有效的技术支持。同时也是下一次不愉快经历的起点。


    ../../
    爱情俱乐部笑话幽默->>魔鬼词典>>D

    达尔文
    这个人认为人类是从猴子进化而来的。即使他的祖父很可能就是一只大猩猩,他也不会为此感到不安。──不过,他的祖母恐怕会觉得难以接受。
    代理人
    一个为你办事,他自己赚钱的人。
    代价
    为买某种东西付出的钱数,它和这种东西的真正价值是两码事。
    打印机
    电脑拉肚子时,我给它送纸.奇怪的是,人们拿着那些被泻得"污七八糟"的东西,欣喜若狂.傻帽!
    大脚解围
    危急时不妨大脚解围,让自己有时间清醒一下。
    道德
    你越有道德,你赚的钱越少。
    道歉
    1.为了将来再次冒犯打下伏笔。
    2.精心装潢的借口。
    低三下四
    在数一数二之后,如果你还需要继续下去的话。
    第一职业
    主要用以恢复体力和消磨时光,是第二职业有益的、必要的补充。
    对手
    一个犯有可怕错误的人——他竟敢和你一样渴望取胜。
    电话
    这时一种电子谈话装置,是供那些不能面对面撒谎的人用的。
    多任务(MultiTesk)
    生长在望子成龙家庭中的孩子们必须承担的责任和义务——学电脑、学外语、学音乐、学舞蹈、学画画、学书法……


    ../../
    爱情俱乐部笑话幽默->>魔鬼词典>>E

    恶霸
    在母亲的肚子里就已经违反了宪法的人。他们活在世上的理由是彻底歼灭别人的世界观。

    能使钓钩变得可口的东西。最好的饵是美色。
    二头肌
    人类男性的羽毛。  


    ../../
    爱情俱乐部笑话幽默->>魔鬼词典>>F

    法人
    一种法律实体;一个无形的人;一种使个人不承担任何责任却能获得个人利益的巧妙设置(和“政府”相似)。
    返老还童
    喝了第一杯酒,他觉得自己年轻了十岁,喝了第二杯酒,他仿佛又回到了青年时代,第三杯酒下肚,他便返老还童,成了婴儿……他最终是爬着回家去的。
    烦恼
    人类最可信赖的朋友,无论你富贵或贫贱,他总是形影不离的陪伴着你。
    犯规
    竞争不过别人时,就不择手段,遭到惩罚属罪有应得。
    飞机失事
    一种飞行物和地球表面没有预约不合时宜的亲昵事件。由于地球引力对升上天空的人们表现出过分的思念所致。
    风度
    巧装打扮出来的一种修养。
    奉承
    一种只能闻,不能用的香水。
    服装
    用来区别人与动物的标志。
    夫妻
    可翻过来掉过去不停地整顿的合奏曲。 笑话幽默->>魔鬼词典>>G

    干涉他国内政
    这是一种政府行为,由总统和议员茶余饭后商量决定。他们都在自家中雇好了厨师和佣人,能腾出手来要为它国人民料理家务。很显然,这是善行。
    革命
    帽子增加,头颅减少的活动。杀人或被人杀。
    公告板(BBS)
    一个允许用假名说真话的地方。
    公司
    一种躲避税收的设置,它证明赚钱是人生唯一值得一做的事,正因为这一点,有人拥有十几个公司。
    孤单
    家有絮絮叨叨的老婆而又插不上嘴的感觉。
    古典
    爷的爷。
    孤注一掷
    最有把握的铤而走险。
    顾问
    这是一种倒卖别人思想的二道贩子。
    关怀
    1.眼盯盯地瞅着你,让你咽不下一口饭。众所周知,某些国家对我们生活的小小的地球的许多民族都关怀备至。幸好朝鲜、越南、古巴、伊拉克,这些国家逐渐养成了在众目睽睽之下细咽慢嚼的功夫。
    2.堆着满微笑去接触某个人,试图从中得到一些好处。
    广告
    1.一种商品化的谣言,通过传播媒介有组织,有计划地进行扩散。
    2.用真假掺半的话编造无恶意的谎言的艺术。
    鬼脸
    1.攻击者的脸被催泪剂喷射后的表情。
    2.继母的表情。
    果断
    朝着内心赞许的目标毫不迟疑,飞起一脚──结果是自己应声而倒。


    ../../ 笑话幽默->>魔鬼词典>>H

    汉卡
    一些外语没学好的家伙搞出来的东东,结果只使更多的人不好好学习外语.
    行规
    没有文字记录的文字,是让圈内人一切“尽在不言中”的鬼符。
    好汉
    他的主要事迹之一是,为了不让敌人得到情报,他把那只送信的鸽子烤着吃了。
    好奇
    渴望窥视或干涉别人的私生活。
    好奇心
    这是女人心智的一种令人讨厌的性质,是女人们用以替代谨慎的东西。
    合并
    结合在一起,这样就可以分担责任了。
    黑客
    和大多数别的“网虫”一样,他们喜欢光顾各种有意思的网站,不幸的是由于他们年轻没有经验而误从侧门或暗道进入。
    黑手党
    一种犯罪团伙,这些人的所作所为与政治家们的作恶有所不同,因为后者是有组织纪律的,而且往往万无一失。

    误用了的爱情力量。
    红十字协会
    沿着东西、南北两条交叉的血路,来往奔波救死扶伤的世界性组织。
    互联网
    所谓高新技术的确也不过如此,一个二、三岁的小孩就可以在顷刻间轻易地将一团绒线拨弄成一个互联网。
    花瓶
    这是一种容器,通常是用来观看花朵的凋谢的。
    恢复删除(Undelete)
    当我们发现后一个男(女)朋友不如前一个好时通常想要做的事。
    回传
    不能继续前进就暂且退一下吧,谁说这不是在进攻呢?
    火炮
    用以校正国家边界的一种仪器。


    ../../
    爱情俱乐部笑话幽默->>魔鬼词典>>J


    比凤凰更热爱人类的禽类。这样说根据的是古老中国的观点:落魄的凤凰不如鸡。而在今天,世界上所有的凤凰都落魄了,都不如鸡了。鸡比凤凰高一等,但显然比人低一等,尽管人连翅膀也没有。因此,鸡尽心竭力地服务于人,并且分工明确:一些鸡为人提供蛋,一些鸡为人提供肉。
    激情
    一种紧张情绪,它使你的身体发热,同时让你的心在寒风中打颤。
    妓院
    1.供下流女子居住的家庭旅馆。
    2.需要为自己的名声付出昂贵代价的人居住的房屋。
    家谱
    对下层大众来说,它可以说是贫困之根;对富人来说,它意味着心安理得地继承大笔财富;对黑手党来说,它是非法生意的脊椎骨。
    假币
    自然为了减轻造币厂印刷工人的劳动强度,某些不法分子悄悄干起了真币的复制工作,而问题在于银行总是闲他们的产品质量太差而拒绝接纳。
    假球
    长期以来使中国球队在洲际比赛中深受其害的恶劣行径,我们的对策是———“国内练兵,一致对外”。
    假期
    大多数工人一生中的两个星期,在这段时间里他(她)们远离了工作的烦扰,却要忍受她(他)们的配偶的折磨。
    见解
    游离不定的思想,通常是没有可见的依据的。见解往往是从别人那儿借来的,而且是免费的。提见解是男人的特权,不过最近女人也取得了这种权力。见解是很平常的,但它不一定由常识组成。见解就像脑袋一样,每人都有一个。
    建筑风格
    鼻梁的高低肥瘦长短大小。
    键盘
    象某些人一样,没有压力就没有工作的动力,哪里有压迫,哪里就有反抗.
    教程
    通常指收录在光盘上程序以外的类似于游戏的节目。主要让用户了解许多隐藏在程序深处的隐秘,让用户确信他们花了这么多钱是值得的。
    教育
    经过组织的知识,我们为之耗去毕生精力却没有学到手的东西。
    解密高手(Cracker)
    游戏专家、整人专家。玩电子游戏,也玩正版软件作者和生产商。
    金靴奖
    无论以头球见长,还是左右脚均有建树的最佳射手,都只发给一只鞋。
    金融业
    把黄金消化理解的事业。
    精品屋
    人们能以坦然、自得的心情面对贷币大幅度贬值的地方。
    经纪人
    一种国内尚无人从事的使买卖人口披上合法外衣的职业,这使得钻了空子的外来者多采用与人贩子相同的手法大赚我们的钞票。
    鞠躬
    突发性的驼背。


    ../../
    爱情俱乐部笑话幽默->>魔鬼词典>>K

    开放系统
    电脑厂商“吃一亏,长一智”的产物,在系统发生崩溃时可以不致于由某个厂商单独承担责任。用户投诉的对象也更加灵活了。
    空气
    1.慷慨的上帝赏给穷人的营养物品。
    2.被吸入肺中用以产生碳酸气的有毒气体。
    空调
    专门和老天爷唱反调的一种机器。
    恐怖分子
    专门用刑事案件刺激自己胃口的革命者,他们每干成一件事都将是劳苦大众一辈子想干却无法干成的第100件事。恐怖分子的优点在于能够使人们的精神生活一下子紧张起来。他们的不足之处在于偶尔落网。
    会计(accoumtant)
    1.除了老婆以外,可以合法地侦探经理钱袋的人 。
    2.一个长着铅笔脖子的橡皮头。
    快乐
    是这样一种人,面对别人的痛苦表现出异常的兴奋之情。
    宽恕
    所谓宽恕,意味着过河拆桥。
    盔甲
    铁匠铺设计制做的一种时装,该铁匠铺同时兼营长矛和大刀。
    扩展槽
    设在电脑机箱内部的经济开发区,吸引大家投资的地方。


    ../../
    爱情俱乐部笑话幽默->>魔鬼词典>>L

    老实
    无能的另一种委婉说法。
    老师
    知识的二道贩子,奇怪的是他们从来不交税。
    良言
    听了会难受,不听会更难受的话。
    吝啬
    与“节俭”很难加以区分的孪生兄弟。举例子说,尽可能少牺牲公民的生命就是节俭,而不肯拿出总统一个人的脑袋就是吝啬。
    伦理
    1.一种用字句掩盖欲望的观点。
    2.一种折磨人的观点。
    骆驼
    一种永远驼这背的动物。
    绿地
    相对于无垠的草原,这是长在城市屁股上的一撮毛。 笑话幽默->>魔鬼词典>>M

    马路
    用来测试挖掘机性能和行人涵养的装置。
    帽子
    只要不是绿色的就不值钱。是绿色的我们又都谦让地谁都说没时间戴。
    茅台
    喝者不买、买者不喝的酒。
    魅力
    美的外表。通常是矫柔造作的。
    蜜月
    结婚典礼与真正的生活之间的那段时光。
    免费软件(Freeware)
    为数不多的不用花钱买的小软件。病毒就是一种真正的实实在在的免费软件。
    民主
    很多手脚笨拙的人握在手里的权利。


    ../../ 笑话幽默->>魔鬼词典>>N

    内行
    你要是不耻下问现在几点钟,他就会告诉你怎么制造钟表。
    能力
    能力就像一张支票,除非把它兑换成现金,否则毫无价值。
    女性
    少女或妇女,至于那种身份好,需视她的具体目的而定。
    奴役
    黑色的南非洲的生活方式。


    ../../
    爱情俱乐部笑话幽默->>魔鬼词典>>P

    喷墨打印机
    1.既然有人用拖把、木棒、手指搞所谓的美术、书法创作,医生、护士们也展示了独特的创造力,发明了用注射器写字画画的喷墨打印机。
    2.对在电线杆子或墙壁上写广告的老军医的戏称。
    朋友
    在落魄时随之消逝的一个名词。
    批评
    女人最渴望做的事是批评男人,其次就是花他们的钱。


    ../../
    爱情俱乐部笑话幽默->>魔鬼词典>>Q

    起床号
    学生最不喜欢的一种音乐。
    妻子
    一个已婚的女人。妻子是一种附属物,她往往变成一种装饰品,发挥的却是工具的作用。
    抢逼围
    对美式足球打法的改善。
    敲诈
    敲打面积很小,敲打部位很中肯的承受力试验。
    谦让
    当确信自已放弃后别人不可能接受时的一种举动。
    清零(Reset)
    这是让某个值为零的命令。我们也可留心在现实生活中发现这样的例子。比如每带女朋友逛一次精品店就可以使我们的钱包清零一次。
    清屏
    这条DOS命令主要为游戏迷而设计,起到保护奖金和饭碗的功用。在电子游戏玩兴正浓时,加入领导突然出现,别慌,给他来个CLS。
    情妇
    这是一种女人,在晚上她独占一个已婚的男人,在白天她却独守空房。
    求婚
    这是某个男子献给某个女人的东西,这个女人索要的东西很多,给予的却很少,等这个男人意识到这一点,已经晚了。“谋事在男,成事在女,上帝为证!”
    球迷
    自愿向足协和各俱乐部捐款的爱心奉献者。但可惜受益者不是灾民,而是腰缠万贯的富翁。这是一群无私无畏,蓄意制造贫富差距的人。
    驱动程序(DRIVER)
    驱动你四处寻找的不起眼的小程序。虽不起眼,却能让用户领教牙疼的感觉:驱动程序不算程序,没有了却要命。
    缺席
    它使人心偏向,别人得利。
    裙子
    一种花,以前一般在炎热气候下开放,现在则一年四季都能看到,且花冠越变越小。


    ../../
    爱情俱乐部笑话幽默->>魔鬼词典>>R

    热情
    虚伪的特殊表现形式。
    热胀冷缩
    自然界的天然规律之一。夏天天气热,白天就变长;冬天天气冷,白天就变短。
    忍让
    是在强大于自已的人面前表现出的一种风度。

    上帝眼中的蚂蚁,蚂蚁眼中的上帝。
    人工智能
    试图让电脑自己思考的一种尖端技术,就像试图让潜水艇自己游泳一样。
    人寿保险
    它关心的不是你的死亡,而是你的死亡方式。这完全是金钱抓住人性的弱点的又一个明证。
    任务
    你所做的事;并不是由于你想做它,而是因为你同意做它,另外,你需要因此而得到钱。 笑话幽默->>魔鬼词典>>S



    1.使本来落在头上的雨点落在裤子上的一种用具。
    2.一种可以用来给爱情增添浪漫色彩的工具,一般是越小越好。
    杀毒软件
    苍蝇拍。
    杀鸡骇猴
    这种教育方式的最终目的是要使猴子学会杀鸡。
    傻B
    瓦解敌人进攻的一种声音。假如萨达姆带领全体伊拉克人齐声高呼此种声音,肯定会吓退美国的航空母舰。
    上帝死了
    上帝一死,这一悲壮事件本身就明确无误地告诉人类:该自己照料自己了。
    上司
    就是你心里诅咒嘴上颂扬、既盼他早死又祝他长寿的那个人。
    删除
    目前所掌握的最有效的文件压缩方法。
    扫描仪
    简直就是吸尘器,所到之处,"垃圾"被原封不动扔进显示器.
    射门
    机会并不多,人生之goal也要抓紧稍纵即逝的时机。
    神经病
    对于不符合自已意志的人给予的一句评语,这种评价往往是相互的。
    圣诞节
    (上帝要求)我们过的一种节日,是用来庆祝大量砍树和花钱的。

    一个蚕豆状的游泳池,其中灌满了尿液。
    失望
    不现实的期望带来的现实的结果。
    生意
    这是一种通过出售产品,提供服务或做假广告(这是最常见的手段)赚钱的事业。
    时髦
    曾经是贫穷象征的补丁如今变成青年服饰特色的体现之一。
    事实
    这是一些可靠的东西,我们常常以它们为基础建立我们的假设。
    世界地图
    即地球表面皮肤示意图,上面标有地球各部皮肤名称,溃烂状态以及寄生虫的分布情况。
    世态炎凉
    一个房地产商人蒙受巨大损失后,他的亲朋好友中至少有一半人已经不认识他了;值得庆幸的是,那另一半人还不知道他已经破产。
    视窗97
    百衲衣,就是袈裟。为了方便用户缝制,微软再其总部以及世界各地许多地方建立了供用户免费领取补丁(PATCH)的站点。
    视窗98
    也叫“Windows 黛安娜”,美丽、诱人、耗资巨大、追逐者无数、午夜疯狂、不幸崩溃……
     

    ../../ 笑话幽默->>魔鬼词典>>T

    探险家
    从不毛之地爬向不毛之地最后又死于不毛之地的一个虱子。
    坦白
    在被别人发现之前承认自己的罪行。
    讨厌鬼
    一个对每一件事都说个没完没了,或对任何事情都无话可说的人;或者是一个会计。
    体能测试
    始于1994年,以李红军等诸多球员惨遭淘汰为标志足球界最早在全国实行“公开下岗”制度。
    天使
    一个在吻你之前咽一下口水,接着喉咙咕噜作响的女孩。
    调制解调器(Modem)
    喜欢在电脑网络上蹦来窜去的家伙,奇怪的是它尽管经常掉线(offline)却总也摔不死,因此人们戏称它为“猫”,猫有九条命嘛。
    调试
    “DEBUG”很可能是一种外国杀虫剂的名字。
    同桌
    学生时代常跟你闹矛盾、在桌上画“三八线”与你争地盘、但毕业后最令你怀念的那个人。
    头饰
    使自己的脑袋有一点多余的废话。
    投机商
    当你失足落水时向你推销救生圈的人。
    推销员
    一个在法律许可的范围内大肆掠夺的人。


    ../../
    爱情俱乐部笑话幽默->>魔鬼词典>>U

    UPS
    一个总喜欢在停电的炫耀自已的家伙.
     

    ../../
    爱情俱乐部笑话幽默->>魔鬼词典>>W

     
    外壳程序(SHELL)
    一种界面美观的鼠标操作训练程序。它把原来敲3、4个键便可以完成的一步操作转换成10个左右的鼠标动作,以帮助用户提高鼠标操作的熟练程度。
    外交家
    一个具备游说天才得人,他能说服你心甘情愿地下地狱,应能使你跃跃欲试,巴不得立即上路。
    网民
    当今全世界出生率最高的人种。和普通人不同的是其年龄长短并非根据活在世上的时间,而是根据已经交纳给ISP(因特网服务提供商)的费用多少而计算。
    网主(Webmaster)
    一种现代的仁慈的蜘蛛,他们从不吃掉撞上网来的那些被叫作“网虫”的虫子,通常只爱想办法慢慢地把网虫们口袋里的钞票掏干。
    唯美主义
    生活中的逃避主义,文学中的色情主义。
    违纪处罚
    以“教育与处罚相结合”为主旨,其指导思想是“杀鸡给猴看”。
    微软
    虫子们(如大名鼎鼎的千年虫millennium bug)共有的特征:又小又软。邪门的是有一家着名的软件公司也叫这个名字,难道他们是专门出产虫子的不成?怪不得Win98从Win95里捉出了3000多只虫子。
    卧式机箱
    自有满腹经纶,哪怕泰山压顶
    无知
    你熟悉的东西他一窍不通,他知道的事情你闻所未闻。
    无聊
    千方百计想怎样才能有事做。
    无条件转移(Unconditional Branch)
    当你的意见同未来的岳父母相左时,你须立即对你的立场所采取的措施即为无条件转移。
    无纸办公
    和无纸卫生间一样,卫生洁具的电视广告中竭力宣传但大部分人目前还消受不起的一种东西。原因有二:一是因为经济,二是因为习惯。
    妩媚
    柔若无骨的眼镜蛇。常常在缠住一个男人的手臂的同时向更多的男人进攻。


    ../../
    爱情俱乐部笑话幽默->>魔鬼词典>>X

    希特勒
    一把疯狂的菜刀外加先天神经错乱的两只手。
    下课
    俱乐部说:“初恋时,我们不懂爱情”,教练员说:“离婚了,就别再来找我。”
    下载(DOWNLOAD)
    把人家那里的好东东,比如精彩的图片、实用的程序,拖到自己的电脑里来,器过程类似于等待油漆风干。
    显示器
    一个大垃圾桶,某些人总是不厌其烦地在里面反复挑选,寻找一件他们喜欢的东西.(象我这样的)
    现金
    真正的钱。

    对“相似”的命名。她生于人道主义,结果是混乱主义。
    相思
    一种最有效的减肥方法。
    小报告
    一种饮料,由恶意和谎言加上微量事实配制而成的,能有效地削弱领导的洞察力。
    写保护(Write-Protect)
    这是一个有点令人费解的词,它真正的意思是保护起来,不让写入。比如当别人向我们提批评意见时,我们的脑袋往往处于这种写保护状态。
    心心相印
    让最有名的外科医生也束手无策的内脏粘连。
    新娘
    把美好景色抛于身后的人。
    信息中心
    那时一个通常只有专家或权威才能去上班的地方,他们的主要任务是不耐烦地告诉用户为什么他没资格得到他想要的东西。
    虚拟现实
    —新闻界和法律界最先使用这个术语。假新闻和诬告、诽谤等都是虚拟现实技术在社会生活中的生动实例。其实此技术古已有之,只不过当时叫做“莫须有”。
    学院
    这是一种公共机构,学生们到这里来拿学位,至于学习知识,那是毕业以后的事情。 笑话幽默->>魔鬼词典>>Y

    亚当
    因听老婆的话而被赶出乐园的第一个男人,但无论如何不是最后一个这样的男人。
    赝品
    一种新产品,制造者意图用它来取代毛病百出的合格产品。
    眼镜
    可与笔、墨、纸、砚并称的文房第五宝。
    洋教头
    与风雪山神庙中的林教头命运殊途同归的人。外国人戏弄中国球队,中国人戏弄外国教练。俱乐部的老板终于尝到了大脸猫折磨蓝皮鼠的快感。

    人民内部矛盾,必须马上解决的思想问题。
    野蛮人
    1.若干年前我们大家的统称。现在则用来专指我们身体的某一部分的超现实主义动作。
    2.完全未开化的人。他们不会使同类大规模的死亡,这事实足以证明他们的未开化。
    医生
    一个拿到扮演上帝的执照的人。
    医院
    没有铁栏杆的牢笼。在这种牢里,患者面临现代医学所知的各种传染性病毒的威胁,并经常忍受种种科学的折磨。
    遗传的
    不管你有什么缺点,你都可以说是“遗传的”,这种托词太妙了。
    异化
    播下满山的龙种却收获遍野的跳蚤。
    椅子
    使屁股万岁的东西。
    银行
    这是一种盈利机构,它使用你的钱还要叫你付小费;然后为了获得追加利润,它又把你自己的钱借给你。
    硬盘
    一道装满各式菜肴,色、香、味俱佳的大拼盘。
    勇敢
    一种不害怕自己的能力。
    永远
    直到遇上更好的某个人或物。
    优先权
    指至爱亲朋、同学好友或年轻貌美的女士拥有的全力。
    优先中断
    专供下级享用的优先权。比如下级正在打电话而上司也想用电话时,下级即可享受这种优先权。另外,丈夫正在看电视,而老婆恰巧想看另一频道时,也可以享用这种优先权。
    雨伞
    一种可用来给爱情增添浪漫色彩的工具,一般是越小越好。
    语音输入(Voice Input)
    1.吹枕边风。
    2.它是奉献给喋喋不休者的一项伟大发明,计算机会一句不漏地耐心聆听并记录他的话,而且最妙的还在于它绝不还嘴。
    预算税
    你为还没有挣到的收入交付的税款。


    ../../ 笑话幽默->>魔鬼词典>>Z

    杂技
    用乱七八糟的身体力行换取人们好奇心的一种积木。
    在线聊天系统(Internet RelayChatting,IRC)
    停在电线上的一只只唧唧喳喳叫的庥雀或燕子组成的系统即为在线聊天系统。
    造越位
    十个人同时开溜,留下守门员和对方前锋“单挑”。
    战无不胜
    用一颗原子弹炸毁树下的一个蚂蚁窝或用邪恶将人类微弱的良知轻轻抹去。
    赞赏
    我们对别人与自己相似之处的委婉承认。
    掌声
    用来提醒瞌睡者一段表演已经结束的信号。
    丈夫
    丈夫是这么一种人,结婚前,女人期待他;结婚后,女人怀疑他;死后,女人开始尊敬他。
    哲理
    对宇宙和人生的似懂非懂的道理。
    哲学
    对无法解决的问题的一种莫名其妙的答案。
    争论
    你和你老婆或女友分享的一种东西,因为你犯了不可饶恕之罪——你在她不在场时度过了一段快乐时光。
    政治家
    这是一种商人,他经营的商店是政府。在美国,政治家分两类:自由党人和保守党人。保守党人迷恋于现有的罪孽,自由党人则希望用他们自己选择的恶行代替现存的罪孽。
    知音
    你在千里之外打个喷嚏我都能听到。
    直接存储器存取(DMA-Direct Memory Access)
    向自己的父母要钱就叫DMA。
    资本
    无非就是多几个情人而又常常让情人的眼泪溶化你骨缝中的几块金子。
    支票
    橡皮通货,想象中的钱,一直在邮递途中,很少有能寄到的。
    职业
    一个男人一旦有了这种东西,别人就不能骂他叫花子了,当然,他的老婆除外。
    智者
    知道何时沉默和如何沉默的人。
    自己做(DIY)
    原本只是贴在考场里的一条标语,或由监考老师的口中说出、考生最不愿听到的一句话。没想到现在成了电脑和音响发烧友中颇受欢迎的流行语。
    指南、教程
    通常指收录在光盘上程序以外的类似于游戏的节目。主要让用户了解许多隐藏在程序深处的隐秘,让用户确信他们花了这么多钱是值得的。
    中断请求
    这是发生在只有一根电话线的“网虫”家里的尴尬事。急着要打电话的那位时常发出此类令人反感的请求。


    ../../
    爱情俱乐部


    笑话幽默->>魔鬼词典>>魔鬼定律

    罗伊尔定律

    凡事都要往好处想,如果你掉进一个池塘,说不定屁股口袋里会装进一
    条鱼呢。


      扑克游戏定律
    赢者说说笑笑,输者高喊“发牌”


      拉纳透纳定律
    一个成功的男人就是赚的钱比太太花的要多;一个成功的女人就是找到
    这样的男人。


      彼得成功定律
    站起来的次数要比被击倒的次数多一次。


      邦尼人力定律
    一个人在一分钟内可挖一个洞,六十个人在一秒钟内却办不到。



      卡尔─汉斯定律
    官方之说,就像比基尼泳装:隐藏重点,展现诱惑。


      墨菲争执定律
    绝不跟一个傻瓜争辩──别人搞不清楚到底谁是傻瓜。


      劳伦斯─彼得定律
    许多人爬到了梯子的顶端,却发现梯子架错了墙。


      莫德尔定律
    没有什么事严重到可以讥笑或被讥笑的程度,除了裤裆开了。


      酸葡萄定律
    吃不到的葡萄,总是酸的。



      布尔克定律
    如果总统不把气发在太太身上,就会把它发在国家上。


      社论第一定律
    非常骄傲地发表了一篇精彩文章并期待得到读者的热烈反应时,你将只
    收到一封来信,信中告知本报第四版右下角有个排版错误。


      政客定律
    他们可以许诺你在没有河的地方架起一座桥来。


      费林挫折定律
    当你的猫坐在你的大腿上睡着了,你又不忍心惊醒它时,你突然便意甚
    浓,要去厕所。


      杜鲁门定律
    他们要是需要我,定会来找我的。



      哈里─福斯迪克定律
    憎恨别人就像为了逮住一只耗子而不惜烧毁你自己的房子。



    福斯特四十岁定律
      人在少年时总想等到了四十岁就毁了自己,活到四十岁的时候又
    想重活一遍。



    麦法兰借钱定律
      借钱给别人的人,总是把借出的钱凑成整数。



    格拉斯运气定律
      运气在盼的时候不会来到,盼来的运气不是运气。



      法兰克定律
    就爱而言,女人是专业的,男人是业余的。


      弗雷德定律
    今天是威风凛凛的公鸡,明天呢──可能成为威风扫地的鸡毛掸子。


      兰德定律
    好不容易鞋子合脚了,可样式又过时了。


      苦桔子定律
    路边的桔子,要是没被吃光,就一定是苦的。


      口袋定律
    两个口袋的衣服叫学生服;三个口袋的叫西服;四个口袋的叫中山装;
    衣服上到处是口袋, http://www.nbabigstore.com/ Omer Asik Swingman Jersey,如果不是时髦,肯定是讨饭的叫花子。


      伊夫现象
    你最感合适最喜欢的商品仅供陈列。


      拿纳姆定律
    婚姻就是把猫头鹰变成家鸽的尝试。


      花钱定律
    越有钱的人花起钱来越小气。
    男人的钱花在嘴上:吸烟、喝酒;女人的钱花在穿着上。所以因为贪嘴
    拿公家钱去大吃大喝犯错误的都是些男人,而在晚场舞会上穿得一个比
    一个漂亮的是女人。


      科尔兰会议定律
    会议的价值和出席会议的人数成反比。


      科弗特谈话定律
    如果不想让孩子听你在说些什么,就装着正对他们说。


      婆媳定律
    做媳妇时,和婆婆拌口角,觉得婆婆没道理;
    做婆婆时,和媳妇拌口角,觉得媳妇没道理。


      德克西四十九岁定律
    四十九岁时最大的安慰是意识到对于死去的年轻人来说年龄太大了。


      乐观与悲观定律
    乐观者发明了游艇,悲观者发明了救生圈;
    乐观者建造了高楼住房,悲观者生产了求火栓;
    乐观者去作了玩命的赛车手,悲观者却穿起了白大褂当了医生;
    最后乐观者发射了宇宙飞船,悲观者则开办了保险公司。


      考克兰定律
    存着的报纸一张都用不着,真的到了要处理时又哪张都不能扔。



      挑选军人做丈夫定律
    少尉太小,上尉太老,中尉正好。


      单相思定律
    就是要把她放在心里,她把我放在心外。


      骑自行车定律
    骑自行车带人──
    孩子坐前老婆坐后,那叫传统;老婆坐前孩子坐后,那叫新潮。


      埃特勒就业现象
    别的行业都比所在行业发展快。如果一旦改行了,那么原来所在的行业
    就飞速发展了。


      道格拉斯实用飞行定律
    当设计图纸的重量等于飞机时,飞机就能飞行了。



      克里斯托尔定律
    遭到失败是件麻烦事,但获得成功时,真正的祸患就开始了。


      历史学家定律
    任何事件,只要发生过,就会让老资格的历史学家说成是不可避免的。


      鲍伯医学法则
    看到大夫诊室的花枯了就千万别再进去。


      帕金森定律
    时间充峪时,工作随之膨胀;收入增加时,花销随之增长。


      第一定律
    在拿到第二个以前,千万别扔掉第一个。



      康普特准则
    人容易犯错误,但要想把事情彻底弄得一塌糊涂,还得依靠计算机。


      鲁尼恩定律
    赛跑时不一定快的赢;打架时不一定弱的输。


      福克兰定律
    没有必要做出决定时,就有必要不做决定。


      韦伯定律
    如果你顺当地找到停车的地方,那你就会找不着你的车。


      博肯定律
    剧场里越是不靠近过道的座位上的观众就来得越晚。



      卡德宁定律
    你得到最多的是你不需要的东西。


      劳森定律
    如果介绍上说“勿失良机”,那你就会失去。


      贾斯特交通行为定律
    车越破开得越疯。


      贝克经济学定律
    你所能提供的东西,你一个也不要。


      琼斯定律
    朋友或来或走,敌人只来不走。


      写字定律
    从某种意义上说,医院里的大夫完全可以和耍笔头的书法家媲美,
    书法家的狂草和门诊大夫开的药方一样令人难以辨认。
    【大夫的笔法更是自成一体,而书法家尚且有章可循。】

      架脚定律
    女人架脚不雅,男人架脚潇洒。


      女人定律
    对男人一知半解的女人,最后做了男人的妻子。
    对男人全都了解的女人,最后成了老处女。


      做饭定律
    女人没下班就溜回家,是因为做饭;
    男人下了班不忙回家,也因为做饭。


      马歇尔广义冰山定律
    任何事物只能了解到它的八分之一。





      岁数定律
    岁数比过去大了,脾气比过去小了。


      “怕三角”定律
    男人的弱点是怕老婆,老婆的弱点是怕儿子,儿子的弱点是怕老子。


      萨盖定律
    有一块手表的人知道准确的时间,戴两块手就不敢说几点了。


      艺术和科学的黄金法则
    掌握黄金者掌握尺度。


      戈登第一定律
    如果一个研究项目根本不值得做,则不值得好好地做。


      贝思特定律
    一个产品保证的越多,就越不可信,如廉价的音响标有“超级”字样。


      贝克定律
    如果你认为受教育太花钱,可以试试无知的滋味。


      格里森之谜
    极小的洞也终将把最大的容器流空,除非它是故意用来排水的;
    而在这种情况下,它又会堵塞。


      艾贝利定律
    婚姻只是个貌合神离的联盟,双方都认为自己是盟主。


      豪利大问题定律
    每一个大问题里,都有一个小问题露面。


      艾格尼斯─艾伦定律
    万事易进不易出。


      梅尔定律
    要不是最后一分钟,那么什么事也做不成。


      能力定律
    在两种情况下,人们特别容易高估自己的能力:一是恋爱中的男
    人,他们发誓要为女朋友做的事总要超过自己的能力;一是当了科长
    想当处长,当了处长想当局长的人。


      吉尔伯特定律
    工作危机最确凿的信号是没有人跟你说该怎么做。


      记性定律
    男人能记住恋人的生日,确说不出母亲的岁数。



      失眠定律
    就是开了电视睡得着,关了电视反而睡不着。


      梅勒定律
    如果事实和理论不一致,则事实必须被除去。


      金宁推论
    面包掉地时,黄油朝下的概率和地毯的价格成正比。


      寨莫吉关于发展系统动态特性的第一定律
    您一旦打开了一罐蚯蚓,再将其装罐的唯一方法,是用一个更大的罐。


      计划的90-90规则
    任务的前90%需要90%的时间,任务的后10%又需要90%的时间。


      选择性落体定律
    一个物体将按照最大危害的方式落地。


      期望的非互逆定律
    不希望发生的事结果便不发生;
    希望实现的事却实现不了。


      “不能提”定律
    有些事情,只要一提起,……
    ……如果是件好事,肯定错过;
    ……如果是件坏事,肯定发生。


      波伦第一定律
    疑惑时含糊其词。


      艾托雷的观察
    两队并行(自己在其中的一队),总是另一队快。



      加宁哭泣定律
    这一次你痛哭了,下一次你就哭不起来。


      费克尔遗忘定律
    忘记要带去用的东西的人,总是住在最高一层楼上。


      凯茜求爱定律
    你向你最喜爱的姑娘求爱的同时,你最喜爱的姑娘必定正在向另一个
    男人献媚。


      西姆斯礼物定律
    你送给一个男的礼物,他多半转赠给了他的妻子。


      米勒打猎定律
    你要射击的羊,中弹后多半要掉到山崖下。



      靡菲定律
    任何事情,只要能往坏的方向发展,它就一定往那个方向发展。


      约翰投诉电话定律
    你打过一次的投诉电话的号码,以后就再也不会忘记了。


      卡麦洛捡钱定律
    你正缺少一分钱的时候,满地也找不着平时总看得着也没去捡的
    这一分钱。


      豪氏定律
    每个人都有一个计划无法实现。


      诺尔斯定律
    辩论时间的长短与问题的严重性成反比。



      司宾塞定律
    越是贪馋的人,越容易有好东西吃。


      休斯傻瓜定律
    经常说“我没有这么傻”这句话的人,久而久之大家就都会把他
    当做一个傻瓜。


      卡索吉尔定律
    你懒得去接的电话,多半是打给你的。


      失火定律
    家里失火的时候,最先醒的人危险最大。


      维奥斯特灾难定律
    一切灾难中的第一个灾难,看起来都不象是一场灾难。


      科德尔定律
    想爬上山去的人,最后都爬了上去。
    想下水游泳的人,最后多数、都坐在岸边。


      乔伊斯风雨定律
    刮大风的时候,人总是迎着风走;
    下大雨的时候,人一到家雨就停。


      甘宁父亲节定律
    在父亲节的那天,男人做家务的劲头最大。


      家庭联盟定律
    孩子小的时候,父母是一对相互勾结的阴谋家。
    孩子长大的时候,女儿常和父亲站在一边,儿子常和母亲扎成一团。


      加布里埃定律
    你最不愿见的人,经常登门拜访。


      里博特回忆定律
    一个沉湎于往事的人,日子一定比别人过得艰难。

      卡通葬礼定律
    最想参加你的葬礼的人,是那个一生都仇恨你的人;
    最不愿参加你的葬礼的人,则一定是借给你钱的人。

      骗子定律
    没有得手的骗子比得手的骗子还要彬彬有礼。

      醉鬼定律
    醉鬼没钱的时候酒瘾最大。

      劳埃德保险业定律
    保险业本身也是需要保险的行业。

      马克尤斯成功定律
    成功是两段乏味生活中的小小的停顿。

      整容定律
    热衷于整容的人长相一般都不差,对整容非常不感兴趣的人也大
    多漂亮。

    ../../

  14. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++



    [1]动物类:
    ▲与你偶遇,慌乱的我不知所措。你含情脉脉的双眸,我无法回避。我明白你的心。我拼命跑开你却紧紧相随。我哭喊着:“谁家的狗没人管?”
    ◆我昨晚梦到你了:我们漫步在小河边,相互依偎着。你抬头凝视着我的眼睛,深情地吐出三个字……汪汪汪……
    ●乌鸦说:我是天鹅中烧炭的;麻雀说:我是孔雀中抽鸦片的;鹦鹉说:我是燕子中坐台的;烤鸭说:我是自焚的。
    [2]恶心类:
    ▲送你一份有屎以来,粪量最重的礼物,你一定会大吃一斤,还要多多饱含,如觉粪量不够还请自便!
    ◆人生至古谁无屎,有谁大便不用纸?若君不用卫生纸,莫非你是用手指!
    [3]成人类:
    ▲日本某赛事参赛阵容:男选手有龟头正雄和一夜五次郎,女选手有梅川库子和见君脱库子。裁判为韩国社经巨子朴成性。
    ◆一尼姑去医院做B超,粗心的护士将一孕妇的化验单给了她。尼姑看了以后叹了口气道:“这年头,连胡萝卜都靠不住了。”
    ●“紧吗?”“不紧!”“可以再进去一点吗?”“小心一点,应该可以!”“痛吗?”“不痛!感觉真爽!就买这双吧。”
    [4]爱情类:
    ▲我们要天天思念,但不要天天相见。我负责美丽妖艳,你负责努力赚钱。你可以和别人相恋,但不要让我发现,若被我碰见,哼……耗子药煮面!
    ◆读这讯息,你已欠我一个拥抱;删这讯息,欠我一个吻;存这讯息,欠我一个约会;要是回复,你欠我全部;要不回复,你就是我的。
    ●可爱的你偷走了我的情,盗走了我的心,我决定告上法庭?法官翻遍了所有的纪录和案例后,陪审团一致通过:判你终身伴我!
    [5]贬人类:
    ▲听说你被拐卖,真地把我吓坏,你虽从小痴呆,却对社会无害,谁人如此大胆,竟敢拿你去卖,我真替他担心,卖得掉才怪!
    ◆知道吗?我一直暗恋你,想你的脸、你的唇、你的舌头、你的耳朵,可是我太穷没勇气表白,现在我有钱了,我可以大声说“老板,把那个猪头切一半给我”。
    ● 亲爱的,你知道吗?你近来消瘦了许多!我是看在眼里,疼在心里呀,眼看就要过年了,你的身体却让人担心……谁不想让自己的猪多杀几斤呢!
    [6]整人类:
    ▲恭喜你中了大奖,请于今天晚上十点整,带着马刀、鸟枪、土炮到中国人民银行蒙面领取。
    ◆天生我才必有用,唯独是情弄不懂!某日王帝托梦来,明早八点起床后,吃完蛋糕就会懂(试读每句第三字会有惊喜)。
    ●警告:你好!由于你的手机外形难看,样式过时,已严重影响本市的市容,我们决定发射信号摧毁该机。
    [7]世间百态:
    ▲在一辆拥挤的公车上,一位女郎忽然叫了起来:别挤啦!别挤啦!把人家的奶都挤出来啦!(她拿着酸奶呢)。
    ◆某公厕对联:天下英雄豪杰,到此无不低头屈膝;世间贞女节妇,进来纷纷解带宽裙;横批:天地正气。
    ●首长:同志们好!士兵:首长好!首长拍一士兵的胸部说:这肌肉练得多好!士兵:报告首长,我是女兵。
    [8]愚人类:
    ▲我在天空写下你的名字,却被风儿带走了;在沙滩写下你的名字,却被浪花带走了;在街上写下你的名字,可是我被警察带走了。
    ◆一农夫请兽医给猪配种,兽医说:看来需要人工配种。农夫犹豫了半天,鼓起勇气说:行是行,就怕它咬我。
    [9]祝福类:
    ▲送你一块点心:第一层,体贴!第二层,关怀!第三层,浪漫, http://www.csnspurs.com/ Tim Duncan home Jersey!第四层,温馨!中间夹层,甜蜜!祝你天天都有一份好心情!
    ◆新年到,祝一帆风顺,二龙腾飞,三羊开泰,四季平安,五福临门,六六大顺,七星高照,八方来财,九九同心,十全十美。
    ●祝身体健康,牙齿掉光;一路顺风,半路失踪;一路走好,半路摔倒;天天愉快,经常变态;笑口常开,笑死活该!



    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
    +++

  15. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
    欢迎光临txt小说之家
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    所有小说解压密码为www.915c.com
    上万部txt格式小说免费下。
    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++机房趣事

    某邮局下面的支局通过MODEM于总局连通.但线路质量不好, 常常在用的时候断线,于是,支局打电话给维护人员,\"我的机死

    啦......\"维护人员说:\"你的进程吊在上面了,等一下,我帮你把 进程杀掉......\" 时间长了,支局打电话的时候就说,\"我又吊死啦,你把我杀掉!\"




    领悟



    我以为能上线 但是我没有

    我只是怔怔望着楼下的hub 给它我最后的祝福

    这何尝不是一种领悟 让我把自己看清楚

    上网是奢侈的幸福 所以我始终很在乎

    我以为我会读书 但是我没有

    当我看到我还在ping的窗口 突然象孩子一般无助

    这何尝不是一种领悟 让我把自己看清楚

    等待是唯一的睹注 可惜依然惨不忍睹

    新的一天如此结束 一颗心眼看要荒芜

    我的等待已是错误 今天我又是白白受苦

    如此真心真意付出 我怎能满足

    啊.....多麽痛的领悟 这岂是我的生活

    只是我回首来时路的每一步都走得好痛苦

    啊.....多麽痛的领悟 这岂是我的全部

    只愿我挣脱网关枷锁 当机束缚 上个满足

    别再为网受苦........



    .

     

    网到破灭再从头



    网是胸口永不尽的痛 一次上线 四个窗口

    one two three four 每个都不会沉默

    网关是一场不尽恶梦 一再破灭 一再从头

    断续连线 试图永久

    多少风和雨 斑驳着相约的角落

    多少我和你 聚散泪和酒 不堪回首

    我的爱 我的心 我从拥有到失去你

    再连上 清华又当 何时天长地久

    断的悲 通的喜 网从断线到从头起

    再上线 多少狂喜 抵我一生的忧

    断的悲 通的喜 网从破灭到从头起

    多少你留下消息的站点 都有我



    .

     

    一个有趣的离站画面



    你真要离开这里了吗?

    时间总是这么少,哎!才相聚又要分别了。

    网友们凝视着 May 离去的背影,心里

    默默的祝福 May :一切如意!

    *********************************************************

    忽然从BBS的某个房间传出一屡断断续续的声音

    ......下...次一...定再...来...哦......。



    .

     

    一则chat时之笑话



    A: ......

    B: ......

    A: 聊的真愉快.....

    B: 是ㄚ....

    A: 对了, 你都是在那里连上网路的呀 ?

    B: 我在家里呀!!

    A: oh...? 家里也可以连 ??

    B: 我用 modem 呀!

    A: oh.....modem 牌电脑可以上网路呀??

    B: .........

    A: 怎麽没反应??

    B: sorry....我刚刚在地上打滚.....:P



    .

     

    心中的梦站



    初上BBS,就开始想象梦站的情形----市中心的某高楼里,大厅灯火通明,墙壁雪白,挂着几幅油画,地板

    光洁得闪闪发亮.中央有两排长桌,放着几十台电脑,每台前都有个人在工作.Victor Wang----一位穿西装,英挺的男人正对边上的秘书小姐

    说:\"请给我来杯咖啡,谢谢.\"............\"别傻了!\"一位站友打断道,\"你看过每天用户上机的时间吗?都是连续的,其实梦站才一台机器!\"

    被这么一说,心中的梦站就变成了----郊区的一危房内,用硬纸分隔成了几个\"房间\",被熏得发黑的墙上

    歪挂者一张不知是何年的年历.在最里面的\"房间\"里,几个人围着一台满是积灰的电脑,寒风正透过糊着破纸的窗户灌进来,人们不由拉紧了

    身上的棉袄.Victor Wang----一个叼者半截烟的糟老头,向边上一位正打着哆嗦的信管说:\"借个火,行吗?\"......



    .

     

    戒网七日



    每天下午6点到7点间是上网的黄金时间—工作用网的人这时已经下班了,而

    大多数“网虫”也在做饭、吃饭,所以一拨就通,线路也畅。我照例坐在电

    脑前,接收E-mail,查看新闻组文章,浏览当日的在线海外报刊—半年来这

    已成为了我生活的一部分。

    突然,有人在网上用ICQ呼我:“我是文东,你能不能一会儿找我一趟?”

    “干什么?不是说好了吃完饭联机打C&C吗?你家现在有两台机器?”我熟练

    地敲击键盘与他chat,这似乎比直接打电话还自然。

    “不是,游戏不打了。你就来吧,我有事求你!”他“说”完就匆匆下网了,

    这可不是他的一贯风格。文东,我的大学同学,好朋友,被大伙儿封为Internet

    的先锋人物。他在两年前就已是当时北京仅有的几个BBS上的常客,随后又率

    先上网,进入Internet世界。他不仅自己痴迷其中—在瀛海威担任“Internet

    论坛”的主持人,在geocities上建立个人主页,创办名为“English-L”(英

    语学习)的邮件讨论组(Mailing list),还到处“传播”Internet,把周围

    的朋友们都“拉下水”,纷纷上了网。我就是其中的一个,从买“猫”到选ISP,

    再从装软件到全面技术支持,文东一手包办。渐渐地Internet也成为了我生活

    的一部分,我们俩见面的次数也减少了—以E-mail或IRC交谈,使用“Qmodem”

    等软件交换文件,通过“猫”和电话线联机打游戏,似乎没有见面的需要了。

    今天他急着找我,必然是有要紧事。

    文东的家很近,不一会儿我就出现在他那间乱糟糟的小屋里。文东坐在电脑前,

    两眼直盯着显示器,半天才意识我的到来。他揉了揉疲惫的眼睛—显然是睡眠

    不足,说:“你可来了,快看看我抓的这篇文章。可怕呀!”“什么东西这么

    吓人?”我凑了上去。文章是这样的:

    “在网上冲浪是一种爱好(hobby)还是一种瘾(addiction)?如果具有以下

    症状,你便有麻烦了。

    你花大量的时间用于Internet,而忽视了重要的家庭和社会活动、工作责任、

    学习任务或身体状况。

    一个重要的人物,比如老板、亲密朋友或合作者,抱怨过你在Internet上花费

    过多的时间和金钱。

    你总是盘算着下一次上网做什么。

    减少你的上网时间—不可能!

    时光在你上网时匆匆流过,你全然不觉;尽管没做什么,但却自得其乐。

    你不可控制地察看自己的E-amil。

    你放弃吃饭、上课、赴约会而上网。

    你更愿与人在线交谈,而是不面对面讲话。

    为了挤出更多的时间上网,你的每晚睡眠时间少于5小时。

    只有当你远离电脑时,上面的症状才会消失,希望才能产生。”

    “你看我是不是已经上瘾了?这些症状我都有!”文东不等我看完就急着问。

    “本来这3个月我是在家复习,准备参加注册会计师考试的。但现在倒好,每

    天早上一起来就坐在电脑前,一直到夜里一两点钟。光E-mail就要看几百封,

    再去五六个BBS上转转,完善一下我的主页—跟你说实话吧,我主页上的那个

    记数器显示有6000多人次访问过,其中有多一半是我的访问次数……还有主持

    论坛、讨论组。反正一天忙到晚,午饭有时都不吃,根本就没看过书。”

    “我看你真是上瘾了。这么下去你还考不考试了?”我一边说一边暗自庆幸

    自己尚属于正常的Internet爱好者,每天上网不过两三个小时。

    “是啊,我也很担心。今天我在新闻祖上看到一个人控诉,说Internet害得

    他丢了工作,女朋友也吹了,这才意识到问题的严重性。刚才我在网上抓了

    一大堆有关Internet Addiction的资料进行研究,再请你帮帮忙。”

    “让我帮忙?你打算怎么办?”

    “我要戒网!”文东看到我惊呆的样子马上又作出进一步解释,“不是永远,

    至少在我复习考试期间要暂时戒掉。”

    “我怎么能帮你戒网呢?还是你教我上网的。”

    “对呀,我教你上网,你帮我戒网,礼尚往来吗。你一定要帮忙……”文东

    诚恳的样子叫人无法回绝。

    “好,我答应。不过这还真有点难,你没看见文章上说症状之一就是‘减少

    你的上网时间—不可能’吗。这样吧,我回家想个办法,不过你今天也必须

    作一些准备工作,在论坛、讨论组上面发表声明,暂时告别网络,以绝杂念。”

    “好,我马上就写,不过你明天一定要拿出个方案。”

    “行,咱们争取一周内解决问题。”

    在回家的路上我一直在考虑戒网的有效方法,现在每当我遇到问题的时候,

    第一反应就是借助Internet找到答案。所以一回到家,我就向新闻组发出了

    求助信,征集最有效的戒网方法,随后又检查了文东所作的准备工作。他果

    然在经常出没的BBS上都发表了暂时告别声明,字里行间流露的依依不舍之情

    叫人哭笑不得,不过这总算是表示了他的决心。



    第二天

    今天我的邮箱中的E-mail从平时的十几封一下疾增至一百多封,里面除了昨

    天求助信的回复,竟然还夹着许多给文东的信。我一时也顾不得细想,赶紧

    从回信中查找戒网方案。办法真是不少!经过认真筛选,我终于精挑出一个

    既简单易行又十分有效,并且还有益于自己的万全之策—把他的“猫”拿走!

    我一口气跑到文东家。这家伙竟然又在上网,见到我才不好意思地断了线。

    “找我有什么事?”

    “你到底还想不想戒网了?”我故作严肃地问。

    “当然想了!”

    “那好,你必须先答应无条件接受我为你安排的疗法。”见他犹豫了一下又

    肯定地点点头,我大声宣布,“从今天起你的‘猫’被没收了,暂存我家。”

    “啊—”我的疗法显然出乎他的预料,“这可是我新买的摩托罗拉外置336

    大白‘猫’呀!”

    “只有这样你才没法上网。不要再动摇了,考虑一下你的注册会计师考试。”

    “……只有听你的了。‘猫’你可要好好保存。对了,还得告诉你,有些重

    要的E-mail可能会转到你的信箱里,千万不要删掉,最好帮我处理一下,不

    行就通知我。”

    “我倒成你的秘书了!行,我帮你。放心,你的‘猫’也会被充分利用的。”

    我兴冲冲地把文东的336大“猫”抱回了家,接到自己的机器上。上起网来

    真是又快又稳定,比我那个144的小破“猫”强多了。帮朋友戒网也不错嘛!



     

    第三天

    一天中我每隔几个小时就给文东打个电话,没有一次占线—这在以前是不

    可能的。他每次都说正在复习功课,还不停地追问有没有给他的重要E-mail。

    我却总是夸他的‘猫’有多棒。看来,各得其所,一切顺利。





    第四天

    截止到下午五点,文东家的电话已经占线40分钟了,这不像是在打电话。我

    有些怀疑,于是马上拨号上网,用ICQ试着查找了一下。哈,果然不出我所料,

    文东在网上。没想到他极力推荐给我的ICQ反而成了我监督他的有力工具。可

    是他的“猫”在我这呀。还不等我问,文东已经匆忙离线了,估计他也发现

    自己暴露了。

    强烈的好奇心驱使我立刻跑去文东家看个究竟,当我面对着被他打开的电脑

    机箱时,恍然大悟,原来他把已经淘汰的9600内置小“猫”又翻出来用。

    “责任在我,斩草不除根,让你钻了空子。行,这只‘猫’也禁养了!”我

    一边笑一边动手拔Modem卡,

    “你不会还有个2400的小小‘猫’吧?”

    “没有了,没有了。”文东笑着为自己辩护,“其实这也算不上爬网,我只

    不过收几封重要的E-mail,怕你

    给我误删了。”

    “下不为例。好在你这下没‘猫’使了。”我开始真正体会到文东的网瘾有多大。





    第五天

    几乎一整天,文东都表现良好,看来物质条件是决定因素。晚饭后,我先处

    理了一下转发过来的给文东的E-mail—几天来这项额外的工作已经使我有些

    厌烦,然后向文东家打今天最后一次监督电话。奇怪,他不在家。莫非是网

    瘾犯了,出去散散心。我正在猜测,不料文东竟风风火火地冲了进来。

    “干什么?来抢‘猫’啊?”

    “不是,不是。赶快让我用一下你的机器,就发几封E-mail。要紧的!”说

    着就往电脑前坐。

    望着他急切的目光,我也不好意思拒绝,“只能使一会儿!”

    “就一会儿,就一会儿。”文东打开了Modem,“怎么样,我的‘猫’好使

    吧?早就劝你也买一个。”

    情况很快就不由我控制了。文东沉迷在Internet中,把周围的一切都置之度

    外。他一次又一次把我推开:

    “别着急,一会儿就完了。”

    我不知不觉在一边打起盹来,朦胧中听见文东说:“我用完了,你使吧。”

    他一脸满足感,向我道别。

    第六天

    下午回家的路上,我产生了一种预感,文东今晚还要来找我。我盘算着马

    上回家给他打个电话,就说晚上要去看电影,不在家。先下手为强嘛。

    当我一进家门,立刻呆住了—文东已经坐在屋里了。他看见我倒十分兴奋:

    “你可回来了。你该吃饭了吧?我正好先用一下电脑,查查昨天发的E-mail

    有没有回音。”说着他就逼着我开电脑……望着他上网时那副聚精会神,

    如痴如醉的样子,真叫人又可气又可笑,我也无话可说了。

    他能戒网吗?更重要的是我还能坚持吗?文东在爬网,我在犹豫……





    第七天

    今天是周六,我一大早就去找文东,把他堵在屋里。

    “我正准备找你去,你怎么来了?”我的出现出乎他的意料。

    “我郑重宣布:由于本人能力有限,不能再胜任帮你戒网的任务了,请你

    另请高明吧!这是你的大‘猫’、小‘猫’,完璧归赵。”

    “你怎么能这么没信心,半途而废,”文东嘴上说着却一下子接过Modem,

    在手中把玩,“你要是求我帮你戒网,我义不容辞。”

    “好啦,好啦,我得走了。”我懒得作更多的解释,转身要走。

    “你急着去哪呀?”

    “你还问呢。去中关村买336的大‘猫’呗!总不见得让我回去还忍受那

    个144的破‘猫’吧?”



    .

     

    阿褥多罗三藐三菩提



    某日,信手翻阅佛经,忽发奇想,遂取昵称为“阿褥多罗三藐三菩提”,(为大智慧,至高境界之意),自觉此举既显博学,又无重复之虞,甚为得意。

    晚饭时分,退出BBS,照例收到“情书”一封。忽闻身边有人抑扬顿挫念道:“亲爱的、阿伦,直到今天,你才终于肯让我称呼你为···,为···为

    阿···阿···阿褥多···阿褥多罗三藐三菩提?!···嘿!这是什么玩艺儿管理员,出乱码啦!···”举座愕然,片刻间,众皆绝倒,喷饭声此起彼伏



    .

     

    办公室里发生的故事



    顾客:我无法接通到您那里的Internet

    技术人员:能描述一下您做了什么吗?

    顾客:我拨通了您给我的那个电话号码,但却传来一阵奇怪的啸叫声.



    .

     

    某班主页



    清华学子中有一个班的主页我每次进去都说:

    您是自2000年3月1日来到我班主页的第0001位客人。



    .

     

    上网奇遇



    某君,经常在BBS上游荡。

    一日,此君刚进站就把自己的昵称改得颇为girl化。

    过了一会儿,屏幕上方弹出了某位网友的问候语,并附加一问题:Are you a girl?

    此君回答:No, I am not.

    但是网友还是不断发讯息来打断他的进程,而且多是问一些年龄爱好类的问题。

    此君终于忍无可忍,问网友道:我已经说过,我不是女的 ,为什么还要这样?

    网友答曰:女孩都是这样回答的。... ...



    .

     

    如何复制邮件



        如果你不用中转邮箱,又想把一封电子邮件从一个邮箱复制到另

    一个邮箱,该如何办呢?教你一个好办法。用一个DC40型的数字相机对准

    你的显示器,拍下要复制的邮件内容,再用OCR(光学字符识别)将照片

    中的文字读入另一个邮箱。更绝妙的办法是,给你的电脑装上一个64位的

    即插即用PCI声卡,再配上一个高灵敏度的麦克风,运行IBM的ViaVoice语

    音识别程序,对着话筒大声读出要转寄的信件内容,这样,在你读的时候,

    ViaVoice会将你读出的单词转为ASCII文本,存在另一个邮箱里。



    .

     

    逃亡者的“天堂”





        马丁是位电脑操作员,他贪污了一大笔公款,携款出走,准备逃出国去,

    可是由于他平时与外界接触少,到处流浪了很久,也没能逃出国去。

        过了这么一段担惊受怕的日子,当他躺在旅馆的床上,心慌意乱、烦躁

    绝望、神经快要崩溃的时候,他忽然想到了互联网。据说互联网是万能的,它可

    以解答任何人的任何疑难问题,在上面你可以找到任何你想要的信息。于是他通

    过旅馆里的电脑和电话,接通了互联网,开始寻找有可能逃出国去的信息的站点,

    通过搜索引擎的苦苦搜寻,他终于发现了一个网站,站名叫做:逃亡者的天堂。

        马丁接通主页,主页上有这样一段话:欢迎您光临我们的网页,如果您

    犯了法,正在逃亡的路上,想要摆脱司法机关的追踪,我们可以教会你如何摆脱

    追踪,逃到一个绝对安全的天堂,到了那里,您用不着再担心有人来追捕你,每

    天还有免费的食宿,每天都生活在网中。

        “太妙了,这正是我想要的”,马丁非常高兴,马上用鼠标点了一个接

    通下页的按钮,过了很长的一段时间,就在马丁等得有些不耐烦的时候,屏幕上

    终于出现了一段文字:“谢谢您的光临,由于您访问了本网站的主页,您很可能

    就是我们想要追捕的一个罪犯,我们已经发现了您的藏身之所,现在警车就在外

    边等着您,您可以收拾好东西,出门上警车去,到了监狱里,您用不着再担心有

    人来追捕您,还有免费的食宿,每天都生活在铁丝网中”。落款是:司法部。

        然后,马丁听到旅馆的窗外响起了刺耳的警笛声。


    .

     

    网虫的MAIL



    网虫终日沉溺泡网,妹儿来妹儿往,一日收到一MAIL,打开全为乱码,

    于是调用GB、BIG5、HZ等解码工具解码无效,怪哉。于是将乱码邮件转发

    一高手大虾求援请教。

    次日大虾回电:我有两个消息,一个好消息,一个坏消息你先听哪个?

    网虫说:先听好消息!

    “好消息是我已成功替你解码,是采用某某方法……”

    网虫问“那坏消息呢?”

    “解码后的内容是,你的老婆要和你离婚,因为你只爱上网不爱上她”

    “……”



    .

     

    网虫取钱



    网虫话费告罄,于是去银行取钱交费,添单完毕送入柜台,柜台小姐扫了

    一眼,退将出来,曰:写上密码!网虫看了一眼单子,心中默念密码,在

    单子上写下********符号,送入柜台,一会儿又被退回,单子抬头空白处

    写有:无法建立连接,请检查用户名或密码,然后再重试。



    .

     

    一个AOL用户的自述



    一个月以前,我听说AOL有最好的在线服务,就想到那里去看看,但是没有成功。

    技术中心的几个家伙对我说应该买一个“Modem”,虽然我怀疑他们在诱骗我上当,但

    还是买了一只。



    有了Modem,我却不知道该把它装在哪儿,折腾了好半天,最后还是邻居家刚上学

    的小家伙帮我装上的。这小家伙真够聪明,他还教我怎样接通和使用AOL,我认为他是

    一个天才,但他妈妈却不这么认为。我学会了“聊天”,于是天天都去找“阿猫”、

    “阿狗”、“阿……”们闲聊。一个星期之后,我到医院做常规身体检查,医生告诉我

    ,自从我用了AOL之后,我的大脑已经萎缩了一半。怪不得,以前我能记住岳父母的名

    字,现在却只记得岳母的。我怀疑岳父大人可能根本就不存在。





    我接触到一个新玩艺儿,它叫“usenet”,那些家伙总是用大写字母,我一直想不

    通他们是怎么做到的,难道他们用的键盘跟我的不一样?我发现一个很有趣的站点,它

    声称能回答我的任何问题,于是乎?我一口气提了400个问题,包括上小学时算错的一

    道题。估计是我提的问题太难,它到今天也没有给我答案。





    我找到一个叫“REC.humor”的“group”,于是我把“鸡蛋的幽默”寄给它,但我

    不知道它是否收到了,所以我一共寄了56次。两天以后,我收到了回信。哇!它的语气

    非常粗鲁。我很生气,我要抗议,我给它的“站长”发去一封两万字的抗议信—抄来的。

    这次,我不敢肯定信址是否对,所以我又比上次多发了22次。



    我把遭遇告诉了我的邻居小天才,他说我应该去看看FAQ。天哪!小小年纪居然也会

    说脏话了。有人在我信箱里放了一个用E-mail快速致富的广告,让我大开眼界。照它说

    的,我给所有我所知道的新闻栏目都发了信。由于数量太多,三天里我给每一个栏目发

    了20遍。真高兴,我就要发财啦!



    几天前,我看到了alt.aol.suck,我认为应该把aol从当中去掉。说实在的,我已经

    开始琢磨,这个AOL到底是个什么东西。由于我的上述行为,今天,AOL停止了我的帐户,

    我想我永远搞不懂AOL是个什么东西了。



    摘自《软件世界》



    .

     

    婚姻



    A男和B女都从事计算机局域网络研究,颇有交往。一天,B接到A的“令牌”—我俩联

    网吧;B沉思良久,返回“令牌”—注意网络保密。之后,A与B秘密进行“通道访问”。

    终于有一天达成了“网络协议”。

    现在,他俩已经联网了。

    (说明:通道访问—约会;网络协议—订婚;联网—结婚) (河南 卢毅)



    .

     

    怎样知道你是一个“网虫”?



    当出现下列这些情况,你就已经是一个合格的“网虫”了。

    1.当你查火车时刻表,想的却是乘坐16Bit还是32Bit。

    2.当你这样数数—“0,1,2,3,4,……A,B,C,D,……F1,F2,……”。

    3.当你常常以33.6Kb的频率睡觉而且做256色的梦。

    4.当你太太说:如果你不马上关掉那该死的机器上床来,我就跟你离婚。

    5.当你看书时,总是找“Next Page”翻到下一页。

    6.在电梯里,你习惯于双击楼层的按钮。

    7.当你下班晚了,想给太太打个电话时,拨的却是一个IP的号码。

    8.当你开窗户或倒垃圾时,你为找到那个熟悉的图标琢磨半天。



    .

     

    免费入网



      去年我一友,受人之托找一家免开户费的ISP入网。一日行至万寿路某部大院

    内,见一横幅上书“金桥网免费入网”,大喜。入得营业厅来一看,三两台PC,

    四五个中年女士,遂上前说我要入网,一女士说先登记并递过一张表,我友便开始填表。 

      此表内容罗列身高、体重、收入、家庭离异否等栏目, http://www.csnthunder.com/ Thunder Martin home Jersey,我友边填边纳闷,就免

    我100元开户费,至于的吗!填好后交表,那女士接过表一边看一边说:“你需要交

    两张一寸的免冠照,两张彩色生活照,带了吗?”我友一愣还没等说话,这妇女

    大叫:“呦!!你都结婚了还要找啊!!!” 



      我友恍然大悟,敢情这是个叫金桥网的婚姻介绍所呀!



    .

     

    一个确实发声的Modem



      “你好,我是技术支持人员,您有什么问题吗?”

      “你们的软件非常奇怪!”



      “那么究竟是什么问题呢?”



      “每次我用那个软件试图利用Modem去拨号时,我都听见计算机在和我讲话,

    弄得我现在都担心是不是我神志有问题了。”



      “那你听到Modem确实拨号了吗?”



      “是的,但是有女声传过来。”



      “那么这声音说了什么?”



      “你拨叫的号码现在不在服务之内,请您挂掉电话重新拨号。”



    .

     

    初次上网



      把电脑抱回家后按入网说明逐次设置,然后兴奋地鼠标一点,上网了!咦?

    密码错误!重新设置,还是密码错误。无奈蹬车去数据局求教。服务小姐问:

    “你在输入用户名前放P了没有?”这才明白还有这么个规矩,想上网,得先在

    自己的名字前放屁(P)。



    .

     

    该死的



      好不容易把163网连通,再设置免费的169,连结提示输入用户名。服务小姐

    告知:用户名都为GUEST。又长一条见识:在免费的169网上用户的名字都是“该

    死的”(GUEST)。





    网虫的分类

      "网虫"一词虽然不雅,但大多数网虫是以此为荣的。因为
    你可以在网上的BBS站、新闻组中看到很多人的网上绰号(Nick
    name)都是netbug、networm等等,更有人将自己的个人主页命
    名为"网虫之家"、"网虫乐园"。网虫和黑客还是有区别的,黑
    客在人们心中是一些很神秘的人物,躲在暗处专干一些盗窃信
    用?


      一、见习期网虫(准虫级)


      这类网虫严格地说,算不上是真"网虫",因为他们还没有
    上网,有的甚至连电脑都没有,所以顶多是个准网虫。但虽未
    "落网",却心系网络,心向往之。和大多数电脑爱好者一样,
    平时十分关注带"电"字儿或"网"字儿的信息,比如"2000年问题
    "或"网上送花儿"之类的文章便被门外级网虫看好, 平时的IS
    P广告也是他们注意浏览的内容。准网虫对互联网络既感到深不
    可测,又充满了憧憬和幻想。一般只要条件许可,很快就会进
    化成下一级网虫。忽视他们的存在是不能被原谅的。


      二、初级网虫(爬虫级)


      爬虫的装备大都是原有的电脑+一只14.4K、28.8K或33.6K
    的猫,猫的出身、血统和奔跑速度视主人入网的时间和需求以
    及腰包丰满程度而定。1998年上网的网友即使是门外汉也知道
    至少要买33.6K的猫了,还有的盯着56K的猫等待公布其血统(工
    业标准)。


      网络技术的构成是∶自己摸索+ISP免费培训+比较专业的电
    脑杂志+网上的资深网虫个人主页。


      网上朋友仅有1~3人,通常是在周围的小圈子里经常见面
    的人,基本上天天打电话,内容大多是"怎样安装浏览器?我的
    猫怎么这么慢?"等。忙了半天第一次发出或收到伊妹儿后激动
    得两眼放光,来信必复。


      这类网虫因刚刚入网,被五花八门的主页闹得眼晕,天天
    把主要精力放在浏览主页上,有些人往往过了三个月还没见过
    自己的伊妹儿(不会收发电子函件)。这个等级的网虫因为有大
    量的问题要请教朋友,所以电话线上传递的语音信号的时间有
    时会大于数字信号的时间。


      三、中级(小虫级)


      书签内容已大大丰富,嘴边常说出一些"域名"、"主页"、
    "HTTP"之类的专业名词,令初级网虫自叹不如,信箱里也时不
    时常能收到一两封标着TEST或者HELLO字样的短信,平时能够阅
    读网上报刊杂志,对普通报刊上关于网络的故事已能泰然处之,
    甚至嗤之以鼻,但又时常担心遇到病毒或黑客。达到本级水平
    的标志是能够区别IE和Netscape,能够按自己的意愿查询和收
    集网址(而不像过去那样只会用鼠标点着现成的连接往后翻),
    能利用FTP下载各种大而无用的共享软件,能够独立(或参考网
    络杂志的文章)申请一个免费电子信箱,希望并且尝试制作个人
    主页,特别希望别人访问自己的主页,计数器上有一半数字是
    自己浏览而加上的。个人主页中充满了热门链接,尽管网虫们
    仍在争论主页中到底应该放链接指向别人还是应该有自己的东
    西,但毕竟为初级网虫缩短了查找时间。


      由于初入门时只顾到处浏览,电信局和ISP昂贵的帐单以及
    老婆的脸色使得中级网虫迅速冷静下来,严格控制自己的上网
    时间,并从网络杂志中找寻"如何加快上网速度、浏览器密技、
    上网省钱妙法"等经验技巧,专业网络杂志开始受到中级网虫的
    喜爱。


      四、副高级网虫(大虫级)


      这里的大虫可不是《水浒》中的老虎,但也够威风的,不
    信请看∶拥有一大把POP3的免费电子信箱,个人主页中充满了
    各种令初中级网虫流口水的好东西,主页存放地从美国的Geoc
    ity、Tripod到广州网易、东方网景到处都是,随身配备网络传
    呼机(ICQ)、网络大哥大(IPHONE),经常出入于网上的IRC、BB
    S、讨论组等高消费娱乐场所,有了自己的网上绰号(Nickname)
    ,拥有一些遍及全球的从未见面的网络朋友,大家相互用中国
    式的英语或美国式的汉语或汉语加英语写信或聊天,每天起床
    先检查电子信箱中是否有新邮件,如果没有,就给自己发一封
    测试信。作息时间视网上交通流量的变化而定,一般夜深人静
    之时,往往是大虫们最活跃的时候。FTP的用途不再是下载,而
    是将得意之作上载至服务器供大家下载。名片上印着自己的伊
    妹儿芳名、烘焙鸡(个人主页)地址,已经不习惯和人面对面说
    话(因为爱上了伊妹儿和BBS),写字基本上不会(因为天天打字)
    。已经按坏了三个鼠标、换了两个猫。


      经过装修,本级别的个人主页开始有自己的主题,比如环
    境保护、书摘、军事、电脑网络等,不再靠热门链接装点门面。
    有些大虫还开办了网上电子杂志。


      五、高级网虫(飞虫级)


      飞虫是一种珍稀动物,很难发现,但如果你接到一封电子
    函件,上面的日期是1997年而不是1998年,很可能就是飞虫发
    出的,因为他用的各种尖端工具软件有时间限制,所以只好把
    电脑时钟改为去年的。


      飞虫信箱中的电子函件已经多得无法一一回复,个人主页
    的计数器已翻动到五位数甚至更多,留言板内容已远远超过主
    页内容长度,通常在某个BBS或讨论组中担任版主之职,为人排
    忧解难,指点迷津,少数飞虫竟然要在网上招聘助手来帮助料
    理个人主页的留言板或讨论组。由于阅历丰富,其Nickname在
    某个地区或网站的范围内已如雷贯耳(有时候飞虫也忘了自己的
    本名叫什么),经常应邀在专业杂志或晚报电脑版发表写给前几
    级网虫的文章。初级网虫要想达到此级水平,必须掂量掂量自
    己的银子和脑子是否够用。


      由于我们的职称评定标准是刚刚制订,有些条款还不够周
    到,可能会使部分网虫的职称晋升受到影响,比如没有将虫家
    的主页计数器指标、平均上网时间、电脑档次和猫的血统考虑
    在内,因为真正的飞虫可能使用一台很破的电脑和出身贫寒的
    小猫,但其有效上网时间要远远大于开着奔腾MMX,抱着名门黑
    猫或白猫的发烧级爬虫。如有意见,请发伊妹儿到 讨说法,如
    果你要找我理论,我叫Netman(不叫网虫而叫网人是因为自认尚
    未达到虫级水平)。
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  16. BlogIcon Roni Ulibarri 2013.02.25 00:19 신고

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  17. Common sense day time is here with regard to Craig Provides, Roger Clemens as well as Sammy Sosa to discover their own Corridor associated with Popularity fates.

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    Because 1965, the only real many years the actual authors did not choose an applicant had been whenever Yogi Berra capped the actual 1971 election through showing up upon 67 % from the ballots throw so when Phil Niekro going the actual 1996 ballot from 68 %. Each had been selected the next many years once they accomplished the actual seventy five % essential for selection.

    ''It truly will be a pity, particularly because the others moving in this season aren't one of the residing, which can make for any instead unusual wedding ceremony, '' stated the actual Bay area Chronicle's Leslie Slusser, leader from the Football Writers' Organization associated with The united states.

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    Additionally about the ballot with regard to the very first time tend to be Sosa as well as Paul Piazza, energy hitters in whose data happen to be asked due to the Steroids Period, as well as Craig Biggio, twentieth about the profession checklist along with 3, 060 strikes -- just about all for that Houston Astros. Curt Schilling, 11-2 having a two. twenty three PERIOD within postseason perform, is actually an additional ballot first year.

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    Her Forbes Clark, the actual Hall's chairman, stated this past year your woman wasn't stressed through voters evaluating how you can assess gamers within the period associated with performance-enhancing medicines.

    ''I believe the actual art gallery is extremely confident with the actual choices how the football authors help to make, '' your woman stated. ''And therefore it is not really a poor discussion at all. ''

    Provides offers refused knowingly utilizing performance-enhancing medicines as well as had been charged of 1 depend associated with blockage associated with rights with regard to providing a good incredibly elusive solution within 2003 to some great court looking into PEDs. Clemens had been acquitted associated with perjury costs arising through congressional accounts where he or she refused utilizing PEDs.

    Sosa, that completed along with 609 house operates, had been the type of that examined good within MLB's 2003 unknown study, The brand new You are able to Occasions documented last year. He or she informed the congressional panel within 2005 he in no way required unlawful performance-enhancing medicines.

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    ''Steroid or even HUMAN GROWTH HORMONE make use of is actually cheating, basically, '' ESPN.com's Wallace Matthews wrote. ''And by definition, cheaters lack integrity, sportsmanship and character. Strike one, strike two, strike three.''

    A number of holdovers through this past year stick to the actual 37-player ballot, along with best applicants such as Jack port Morris (67 %), Shaun Bagwell (56 %), Shelter Cruz (fifty-one %) as well as Ricky Raines (forty-nine %).

    Once the Connected Push surveyed 112 qualified voters within past due The fall of, Provides obtained forty five % assistance amongst voters that indicated a viewpoint, Clemens 43 % as well as Sosa eighteen %. The actual Football Believe Manufacturing plant web site put together ballots through authors that created their own views open public with 159 ballots experienced everybody slipping brief. Biggio had been from 69 %, then Morris (63), Bagwell (sixty one), Raines (sixty one), Piazza (sixty), Provides (43) as well as Clemens (43).

    Morris completed 2nd this past year whenever Craig Larkin had been chosen and it is within their fourteenth as well as next-to-last 12 months associated with eligibility. He or she might get to be the participant using the highest-percentage from the election who's not really within the Corridor, the tag presently kept through Gil Hodges from 63 % within 1983.

    A number of gamers that dropped simply brief within the BBWAA balloting later on had been chosen through possibly the actual Veterans Panel or even Old-Timers' Panel: Nellie Sibel (74. 7 % about the 1985 BBWAA ballot), Rick Bunning (74. two % within 1988), Orlando, florida Cepeda (73. 6 % within 1994) as well as Honest Opportunity (seventy two. 5 % within 1945).

    _ design associated with 3 Globe Sequence those who win, Morris completed along with 254 wins as well as had been the actual winningest glass pitcher from the 1980s. Their 3. ninety PERIOD, nevertheless, is actually greater than which associated with any kind of Corridor associated with Famer. Morris is going to be became a member of upon following year's ballot through Greg Maddux as well as Ben Glavine, each 300-game those who win.

    In the event that nobody is actually chosen this season, there might be the logjam within 2014. Voters might choose as much as 10 gamers.

    The only real guarantee may be the Corridor is actually happy with the actual writers' procedure.

    ''While the actual BBWAA will the particular voting, this just will therefore in the ask for from the Corridor associated with Popularity, '' stated the actual La Times' Expenses Shaikin, the actual company's previous leader. ''If the actual Corridor associated with Popularity is actually stressed, definitely the actual Corridor might make alternative plans. ''.

  18. There’s plenty left to believe in. Just maybe not today, when neither seven MVP awards nor seven Cy Young awards could justify the alleged means.


    Not 762 home runs or 354 wins, not public hangings or courtroom acquittals, not hundreds of millions earned playing the game or tens of millions subsequently spent defending the methods, none of it rose to the rather fluid standards of baseball’s Hall of FameOn a day when 569 voting members of the Baseball Writers’ Association of America could not agree on a single worthy candidate, Barry Bonds, the greatest hitter in the game, fell short by 221 votes. Roger Clemens, the best pitcher of his generation, missed by 213.

    The outcome will be viewed as overdue justice or an outrageous injustice, depending on your heart and timeline. The system worked or it is irretrievably broken. The ballot was a statement. Or an exercise in mass confusion, coupled with dereliction of duty.

    Near the end, Hall president Jeff Idelson, a good man in a difficult spot, withdrew a white piece of paper from a serious-looking envelope, arched his eyebrow and announced the result: bupkis. I’m paraphrasing.

    We knew we’d get here. The tepid candidacies of Mark McGwire and Rafael Palmeiro told us so. We didn’t know the degree to which it would leak into the wispier areas of innuendo, and neither Jeff Bagwell nor Mike Piazza cleared 60 percent. (Bonds and Clemens were under 40. )#)

    [Related: Scrubbing of character clause among first reforms Hall of Fame needs=]

    Some worthy candidates took a hit. Presumably some clean players were splattered by their era. Plenty of it is unfair. And I’m here to say, don’t blame us, boys. The mess is yours. We’re just trying to separate the real from whatever the hell your generation turned itself into.

    This day was coming the moment the vials showed up on the doorsteps of ballplayers all over the league. The commissioner was a tad slow on the trigger. The union boss took his job a touch too literally. The players lived to the clubhouse code. The ball writers were asleep at the wheel. That all happened.

    But Idelson is going to have a near-empty town come July not because some 600 voters couldn’t decide how far to stretch their consciences (though that doesn’t help), but because one man and then another and then – who knows – hundreds more chose to cheat their game. It’s terrible for the clean players who may have lost votes in the commotion, in the distractions of the past couple months. It’s worse for the clean players who navigated the game without chemical crutches. There’s no metric for that. Yet.

    [Related: Players, fans react to HOF decision on Twitter]

    But, we’re here. And when Idelson announced that for the eighth time in history the BBWAA had thrown a shutout (and for the first time since 1996), the day struck me as one for accountability, for authenticity, for integrity. Maybe it lasts forever, soothed by the coming class of Greg Maddux, Tom Glavine, Frank Thomas and Jeff Kent, augmented by the holdovers Craig Biggio, Jack Morris and Fred McGriff. Maybe we’ve mistakenly lost Dale Murphy in the shuffle, and maybe that’s not acceptable. Maybe it’ll always cost Bagwell and Pizaza votes.

    Hell, maybe the whole thing is broken and the BBWAA ought to get out of the Hall of Fame business entirely. Plenty think so.

    [Also: Russell Wilson almost played for the Colorado Rockies]

    In the meantime, we have this transformative moment. This – pick one – measured, spiteful, agonizing, regretful moment of, it turned out, deferral.


    Craig Biggio came closest to making the Hall of Fame, garnering 68. 2 percent of the vote. (AP)
    “It’s a tough period for evaluation, ” Idelson granted. “That’s what this is chalked up to.

    “I’m not surprised we had a shutout today … given how volatile the era has been. ”

    The commissioner’s office seemingly commiserated with the writers, saying, “We respect the longstanding process that the Hall of Fame has in place and the role of the BBWAA. ”

    The union wasn’t as understanding.

    Its chief, Michael Weiner, called the ballot, “Unfortunate, if not sad. ”

    He continued, “To ignore the historic accomplishments of Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens, for example, is hard to justify. Moreover, to penalize players exonerated in legal proceedings – and others never even implicated – is simply unfair. ”

    [Related: No players admitted to Hall]

    After more than a year in which his account was dormant, Clemens took to Twitter: “After what has been written and said over the last few years I’m not overly surprised. … To those who did take the time to look at the facts … we very much appreciate it. ” He signed off, “Muchie Peachie, http://www.indianapoliscoltshop.com/ Luck Elite Home Jersey, Rocket. ”

    Bonds was spotted Tuesday night at a hotel in Maui.

    I’ll miss Cooperstown this summer. The thing about Cooperstown, there was – is – always something to believe in. If not the numbers, then the man. Something. We’ll get back to that, but first there was this. Yeah, this day was coming.

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  20. Tony Parker, Tim Duncan help Spurs rout Memphis Grizzlies

    Tony Parker had 17 points and 11 assists and Tim Duncan added 19 points to help the San Antonio Spurs beat the Memphis Grizzlies 103-82 on Wednesday night, extending their home winning streak to 13 games.
    The Spurs shot 58 percent from the field in becoming just the third team to score more than 100 points against the Grizzlies. Boris Diaw added 14, Kawhi Leonard 13 and Tiago Splitter 10 for San Antonio (30-11).

    Rudy Gay scored 17 points as all five starters scored in double figures for Memphis (24-13), which lost its third straight. Marc Gasol had 12 points, Tony Allen and Zach Randolph each had 11 and Mike Conley 10.

    San Antonio went 11 for 20 from the field in outscoring Memphis 25-15 in the third quarter. Parker, Leonard and Danny Green combined for 18 in the period.

    Leonard's 3 extended San Antonio's lead to 80-69 with 2 minutes left in third, causing Gasol to stare puzzlingly at his teammates on the missed defensive assignment.

    The Spurs' dominance in the final two quarters came after a closely contested first half.

    The Grizzlies closed the first quarter on a 19-8 run following a timeout by coach Lionel Hollins. The run included a two-handed dunk by Gay, who soared through the lane to rebound and throw down a missed 3-pointer by Randolph in one motion.

    Trailing by as many as six points early in the second quarter, the Spurs rallied behind 13 assists and four 3s.

    Jackson and Neal hit consecutive 3s to pull and keep the Spurs within two and Diaw gave them a 40-38 lead with a layup and short jumper.

    NOTES: Spurs G Manu Ginobili (left hamstring) missed his fifth game of the season.. Grizzlies F Quincy Pondexter (MCL strain) did not play.. San Antonio is 5-3 to start January after going 12-4 in December.. The Spurs have scored at least 100 points in every game during their home winning streak with the exception of a 99- 94 victory over New Orleans on Dec. 21.. San Antonio has won 16 of 17 home games against Memphis.. The Spurs are the only active franchise with a. 500 or better record in the regular season against every existing NBA team.

    /
    Spurs Sued By Miami Attorney For Sitting Tim Duncan, Other Star Players For November Game


    The San Antonio Spurs have already drawn the ire of David Stern this season. Now the team may have to fight its case in court as well.

    ESPN.com’s Darren Rovell reports that Miami-Dade County attorney Larry McGuinness has filed a class action suit against Spurs coach Gregg Popovich, claiming that he and other fans “suffered economic damages” when Popovich chose not to play Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, Manu Ginobili and Danny Green in a Nov. 29 game against the Heat in Miami without informing the league beforehand, http://www.csnPackers.com/ Packers KIDS Jersey.

    “It was like going to Morton’s Steakhouse and paying $63 for porterhouse and they bring out cube steak, ” McGuinness said. “That’s exactly what happened here. ”

    Stern, the NBA’s commissioner, was similarly angered by Popovich’s decision to send four healthy players home, and fined the team $250, 000.

    The game turned out to be a thriller, with the Heat pulling out a 105-100 win, but McGuinness claims the contest’s excitement was diminished by Popovich’s choice to “intentionally and surreptitiously” sit his team’s most popular players.

    A representative from the Spurs had no comment on the lawsuit.

  21. Robert Griffin 3 could not operate, a minimum of not really by any means like their typical sprints with the collection as well as in to open up grass. Robert Griffin 3 could not toss, a minimum of not really the actual heavy darts which proceed the actual stores as well as maintain protection truthful.

    Robert Griffin 3 could not guide the actual Wa Redskins' criminal offense, not really following their leg buckled within the very first one fourth of the NFC wild-card online game towards Seattle. A few performs later on Wa required the two-touchdown guide however the offer had been carried out. It might obtain simply 41 back yards within the following 2 . 5 useless groups along with Griffin because quarterback, basically guaranteeing Seattle's 24-14 triumph.

    Robert Griffin 3 could not perform high of something Weekend other than lay, that is exactly what he is already been educated to complete within circumstances such as this.

    Lay in order to themself he may nevertheless provide such as absolutely no back-up might. Lay in order to their trainer this had been absolutely nothing large. Lay towards the physicians that attempted in order to evaluate him or her within the swirl of the playoff sideline.
    Robert Griffin had been the spend associated with themself within Sunday's reduction towards the Seahawks. (AP)
    Therefore Robert Griffin 3 humiliated, that will be forgiven simply because this can be a activity which benefits strength when confronted with good sense, the lifestyle which celebrates the actual soldier who's prepared to depart every thing about the area, a company which thinks this kind of is tend to be the main street in order to success.
    [Related: Twitter reaction to decision on RG3]

    "I'm the actual quarterback, no matter what portion I'm, inch Griffin reasoned later on. "If you are able to perform, a person perform. inch

    To begin with, this is a cliché. 2nd, he or she could not perform. Not really good enough in order to earn the overall game anyhow.

    With every click there is the danger associated with not only additional hurting which useful leg, however to be hurt in different ways simply because he or she had been no more effective at protecting themself through staying away from popular within the wallet or even rushing from the linebacker.

    "I do place personally from much more danger becoming available, inch Griffin stated.

    A minimum of which was the facts, even though he or she rapidly reverted in to much more clichés.

    "But each time a person action about the soccer area in between individuals outlines you are placing your lifetime, your job [and] each and every tendon within your body at risk, inch RG3 stated.

    [Related: Doctor disputes Mike Shanahan on RG3's knee]

    Obviously you may be hurt from any time. You are able to truly obtain hurt from any time although when you are able no more maneuver around and steer clear of strikes.

    It had been just about all the lay so in retrospect first year quarterbacks are not designed to help to make the phone call. Instructors tend to be.

    Griffin did not possess a trainer Weekend.

    He'd Paul Shanahan, that looked over this particular clutter, looked over every hapless Redskins generate, looked over each and every unpleasant RG3 action, looked over each and every uncomfortable, overthrown move, as well as rather purchased Griffin's fragile quarrels after which shut their eye as well as humiliated in order to themself it might just about all come out OKAY.

    Other than this did not. Not really about the scoreboard. And never within Griffin's leg, that was ultimately carried out within whenever he or she was not actually effective at twisting more than as well as scooping upward a good errant click within the 4th one fourth. Rather the world-class sportsman awkwardly arrived at till their correct leg hyper-extended beneath him or her.

    He or she ended up inside a pile about the grass, clutching which leg whilst Seattle retrieved a present fumble which resulted in a simple, game-clinching area objective.

    It had been the ultimate evidence he in no way should have already been available. Last but not least, as well past due, their day time had been carried out.


    The actual NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE globe is actually second-guessing Paul Shanahan. (UNITED STATES These days)"If you do not draw him or her away after that, you need to obtain terminated, inch Shanahan stated.

    Wa is at eager require associated with this kind of good sense well before which. It had been eager for Shanahan in order to jim this particular eager-to-please wunderkind about the back again, display him or her the actual table as well as place the able back-up, Kirk Cousins.

    Not only for future years from the business, even though that might be sufficient. The actual Redskins required this for that existing chance to earn Sunday's online game.

    Rather this obtained foolish conversations.

    "I spoken in order to Robert as well as he or she believed to me personally, 'Coach, there is a distinction in between becoming hurt as well as becoming harm, a inch Shanahan relayed later on. "He stated, 'I may assure I am harm at this time however provide me personally the opportunity to earn this particular soccer online game simply because We assure I am not really hurt. a

    "That, inch Shanahan stated, "was sufficient personally. inch

    Which, Shanahan should have recognized, had been only a youthful participant duplicating an additional baseless cliché he or she most likely acquired from the grainy NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE Movies voiceover arranged in order to leaping symphonic songs.

    [Photos: Rough outing for RG3, Redskins]

    Shanahan recognized later on which, "I'll most likely second-guess myself" as well as for your he or she warrants the way of measuring credit score. He or she was not rebellious regarding coming this upon Weekend.

    Nevertheless, this particular was not a few click choice within the warmth from the second. This particular performed away more than several hours, having a halftime actually constructed in the centre. There have been 5 consecutive number of futility for any 60-year-old trainer to begin having faith in their own eye instead purchasing the w. utes. of the 22-year-old.

    "He believed to me personally, 'Trust me personally, I wish to maintain presently there as well as We should have to stay presently there, '" Shanahan stated. "And We could not don't agree along with him or her. inch

    Shanahan is actually compensated in order to don't agree along with him or her. That is their work.

    From 1 stage within the 4th one fourth Shanahan made the decision he or she desired to check in the event that RG3 might nevertheless operate, phoning for any easy QB keeper. It had been, in writing, efficient, the 9-yard obtain left. To determine the actual perform, nevertheless, had been to determine one of the biggest hurrying devices within the category hobble towards the outdoors, their leg virtually wobbling upon every action. It had been powerful obstructing and also the component of shock which managed to get function.

    "I requested him or her about this in those days, inch Shanahan stated. "He stated, 'Coach, We could've operate quicker. No one had been presently there. I acquired [9] back yards. That isn't as well poor. We guarantee in the event that I must try it again I possibly could proceed quicker.

    "He offered me personally the best solution. inch

    That is just simply because Shanahan had been requesting the incorrect query. That is to express he or she was not requesting any kind of queries whatsoever.

    Upon as well as upon Shanahan's press meeting proceeded to go. The actual trainer actually unwittingly described the reason why he or she held listening to exactly the same solutions through Griffin, whenever he or she required time for you to compliment the center as well as battle of the natural born player as well as announced that the participant that will not depart a game title is actually "the kind of participant you want. inch It is a group associated with rubbish.

    Shanahan had been strike along with allegations Weekend through Doctor. Wayne Andrews, the actual famous sports activities doctor, regarding Griffin's unique damage towards Baltimore upon 12 ,. 9. Shanahan formerly stated he place RG3 in which online game just simply because Andrews removed the ball player. Andrews problematic which, stating the actual quarterback would not actually allow physician look at him or her as well as he or she in no way fortunate the actual come back.
    A good MRI upon Mon may figure out the actual degree associated with Robert Griffin III's leg damage. (AP)
    "It was not the viewpoint, inch Andrews informed UNITED STATES These days. "We did not actually reach contact him or her or even speak with him or her. Frightened the actual heck from me personally. inch

    Shanahan appeared to fault everything upon miscommunication however it talked to some sideline within disarray. The ball player is actually cleaning away physicians? The actual trainer is actually inventing discussions towards the press? That precisely is within cost close to right here?

    When it comes to degree associated with Griffin's most recent damage, that understands at this time, http://www.esmlbshop.com/ Miguel Cabrera Jersey? A good MRI is actually planned Mon. In the beginning Griffin stated this did not really feel any kind of even worse compared to Dec damage. After that following the online game, because points stiffened, he or she accepted it may be even worse.

    "I have no idea exactly how poor it's, inch he or she stated.

    He or she did not understand following the online game. He or she did not understand within the online game. He or she is not designed to understand. He's, since the soccer program trained him or her nicely, designed to lay in order to their trainer as well as convince their teammates which he is indestructible as well as invincible.

    Therefore Robert Griffin 3 do their work Weekend, and then possess Paul Shanahan not really perform their.

    And today Wa may just wish the playoff reduction had been the actual most detrimental point which occurred due to this.


[트위터 강좌] 6강 리트윗 하기


5강에서 6강으로 넘어가는게 왜 이리 어렵나요. 제 게으름 때문에 엄청난 시간동안 트위터 강좌가 끊겼네요. 이번주부터 다시 트위터 강좌를 시작하도록 하겠습니다.

이번 시간에 배울 것은 리트윗이라는 기능입니다. 리트윗은 내가 본 트윗 중에서 마음에 들거나 좋은 글을 나를 팔로우 하는 사람들에게 전해주는 기능입니다. 버튼하나로 좋은 글, 좋은 사진, 좋은 동영상들을 퍼트릴 수 있는 간단하면서도 강력한 기능입니다.

 일단 타임라인에서 좋은 글을 발견합니다. ( 타임라인이란 여러분이 팔로잉하고 있는 분들이 발행한 글들, 다시 말해서 여러분이 구독하고 있는 글들을 말합니다. )




이외수 선생님의 트윗을 리트윗해보겠습니다.
가장 최근에 발행한

무분별한 개발에 의해 많은 동식물들이 사라져 가고 있습니다. 머지않은 장래에 당신이, 또는 당신의 자녀가, 사라져야 할 날이 오겠지요. 시계는 거꾸로 되돌릴 수 있지만 시간은 거꾸로 되돌릴 수 없습니다. 그대 가슴이 사막이면 세상도 사막입니다.

라는 트윗을 리트윗해보겠습니다.




마우스를 리트윗하고 싶은 트윗에 가져가면 아래쪽에 "리트윗하기" 라는 버튼이 있습니다.
이 버튼을 클릭합니다.




그럼 이렇게 한번 더 묻습니다.
리트윗이라는 것은 다시 한번 말씀드리자면, "재발행" 같은 겁니다.
"이외수 선생님이 이런 말을 했다더라" 라는 정도의 의미로 받아들이시면 됩니다.

"리트윗하기" 버튼을 누릅니다.




리트윗이 완료되면 리트윗을 한 트윗에 못 보던 표시가 뜹니다.
"내가 리트윗한 트윗이다"라는 뜻입니다.




그러면 제가 발행한 트윗 목록에 이외수 선생님의 트윗이 들어가 있는 것이 보입니다.
원작가가 이외수 선생님이고, 옆에 조그마하게 "intro200님이 올림" 이라고 쓰여 있습니다.
intro200이 리트윗 한 트윗이라는 것입니다. ^^


리트윗이라는 기능은 트위터의 가장 큰 장점입니다. 사람들이 트위터에서 좋은 정보를 별다른 노력없이 클릭 한번으로 퍼트릴 수 있는, 그렇기 때문에 정보가 순식간에 퍼지는 특징을 갖게 한 기능입니다.

리트윗의 장점에 대한 이야기는 나중에 따로 포스트하나를 할애해서 다루도록 하겠습니다. 트위터와 관련된 논문을 많이 읽었는데, 거기에서도 트위터의 가장 의미있는 기능으로 리트윗을 꼽더라구요. ^^

좋은 정보는 여러 사람들에게 공유하는 습관을 기릅시다. ^^



바로가기 : 트위터 강좌 목록
  1. 이전 댓글 더보기
  2. BlogIcon spidey 2011.07.22 14:48 신고

    리트윗이군요. 트위터 처음사용하시는 분께 좋은 정보같습니다.

  3. BlogIcon 하늘을달려라 2011.07.22 15:12 신고

    워....요기 이렇게 좋은게 있었네요 ㅎㅎ
    1강붙터 정독후 따라햅ㅘ야겠습니다...ㅎㅎ
    사실 어제 트윗만들었거등욤~흐흐~

  4. 2011.07.22 15:12

    비밀댓글입니다

  5. BlogIcon 스친기억파란하늘 2011.07.22 15:16 신고

    트위터라..-ㅁ- 저는 미투 하고 있어서 ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

    좋은 팁 잘보고 가용~!//

  6. BlogIcon hwangja 2011.07.22 15:24 신고

    리트윗이 트위터의 가장 큰 장점이자 중요한 기능이지요~ㅎ

  7. BlogIcon 달콤 시민 2011.07.22 17:08 신고

    전 요즘 개인 트위터를 거의 못하고 있었는데요~ㅎ
    이렇게 트위터 강의를 보며 오래 간만에 트위터에서 소통하고 있네요~

  8. 2011.07.22 17:20

    비밀댓글입니다

  9. BlogIcon 명태랑 짜오기 2011.07.22 18:02 신고

    포스팅 잘 보고 갑니다.
    즐거운 시간되세요

  10. BlogIcon 비바리 2011.07.22 18:50 신고

    트위터 개설은 해놓고 있지만 거의 활용을 못해봤어요
    좋은 공부 합니다.

  11. BlogIcon 달빛천사7 2011.07.22 19:21 신고

    트위터 팔로우 숫자가 많으시네염

  12. BlogIcon 이즈군 2011.07.22 19:24 신고

    글 잘 읽었습니다~

  13. BlogIcon Hansik's Drink 2011.07.22 22:38 신고

    잘보고 간답니다 ^^
    이외수 선생님은 대단하신것 같네요 ㅎㅎ
    좋은 정보 잘 배워갑니다 ^^

  14. musumsari 2011.08.06 15:35 신고

    아, 잘 보았습니다~^ㅡ^ 뭐가 어려워서 고생하고 있었는데, 감사합니다.

  15. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++幽默大全之外国卷
    政治篇

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    政 客 总 统 国 王 皇 帝 议 员
    独裁者 政治家 外交家 民 主 种族隔离



    政客是什么 政客,这是一条烂泥里的鳗鱼。组织完善的社会上层建筑就是以这种烂泥为基础建立起
    来的,这条鳗鱼在蠕动的时候,误以为它的尾巴的搅动就是整个大厦的颤抖。与政治家相
    比,政客的吃亏之处就是他还活着。

    两回事 在芝加哥市议会选举期间,一个参加竞选的政客向食品商道:“我可以指望你的支持
    吗?”
    “啊,很对不起,我已经答应支持别的候选人了。”“嗳,这好办。”政客笑道:“在
    政治上答应和实行是两回事。”
    “那么,先生,”食品商友好地说,“我很高兴地答应你。”

    显然是新手 美国人甲:“听说你们州长当选了?”
    美国人乙:“你会不知道,我们美国人对政客只有一句评语。”
    “怎么说的?”
    “如果说一个政客是正直的话,那么,他显然是个新手。”

    不需要骗了 政客对妻子说:
    ——你应该祝贺我,我被选上了!
    ——你不是在骗我吧?
    ——不,亲爱的,现在已经不需要了!

    儿子会做政客 威尔逊先生决定做个小试验,看着儿子长大后会成为什么样的人。他在桌上放了三样东
    西:一张10元的钞票——代表银行家;一本崭新的圣经——代表教士;还有一瓶威士忌—
    —代表二流子。然后,他躲在窗帘后面偷看。
    儿子吹着口哨进来了,一眼看见桌上的东西,连忙四下张望,证实室内无人后,先把钱
    对着亮处照了照,然后翻了翻新圣经,接着打开瓶塞闻了一下,随即敏捷地一把抄起三样东
    西,把钱塞进口袋,把酒瓶掖在胳肢窝下,两手捧住圣经,吹着口哨走了。
    威尔逊不禁惊呼:“天哪!他要做政客了!”

    肆无忌惮的政客 两位老战士在谈论一个参加竞选的政客。
    “嘿,这个盅惑者真是个小丑。”其中一位老战士说,“他宣称准备流最后一滴血,而
    实际上他十分珍惜每一滴血。”
    “嘿,你为什么这样说呢!”第二个老战士提出不同的意见,“你没听见他说?他在法
    国,经常呆在子弹最多的地方。
    确实是这样。”
    “那么,请说具体些,这是在哪儿?”
    “在哪儿?在中央军火库。”

    政客的价格 在一个食人肉的国家里,一位旅游者偶然走进了一家餐厅。他看到厅里的广告牌上标着
    每一种菜肴的价格。每盘牧师肉是3美元,每盘猎人肉是4美元,每盘老板肉是5美元,每
    盘政客肉则为25美元。
    这位旅游者便忍不住问为什么政客的肉比其他人的肉要贵这么多。
    “这种肉要弄干净多不容易!”餐厅老板回答说。


    总统是什么 总统,这是一小帮人的领袖——关于这帮人,确实无疑的是,他们的广大同胞没有谁愿
    意他们任何一个人当总统。

    预测孩子 众上层人物围着一婴儿各抒己见。
    国防部长:“这孩子将来会当将军,你看他踢脚动作就知道。”
    总理:“他将来会当银行家,你看他握拳的姿势就知道。”
    总统:“不对,他将来会当总统。你瞧他尿裤湿了还笑得出来的模样就知道了。

    球王和总统 巴西某小礼品店有条别出心裁的店规:凡是各界名人前来购物,一律不必付钱,只需以
    他的拿手绝招来证明他的身份即可。
    一天,贝利来到这家店里, http://www.chibearsshop.com/ Bears Cutler Nike Jersey。为了证明自己确是贝利,他就顺手拿起店里的一只球放到地
    上,用脚轻轻一勾,又飞起一脚,把球不偏不倚踢在门铃上,门铃声叮当未绝,又见他用头
    一顶,把刚要落下来的球顶到原来的地方,位置竟丝毫不差。老板马上招呼贝利,请他挑选
    所需物品,不必付钱。
    接着,又来了一个人,自称是巴西前总统。老板仍是照章办事,请他以绝招来证明身
    份。但来人说自己并无绝招。老板退一步说:“那你随便做些什么都行。”
    来人尴尬不堪地说:“说真话,我什么都不会。”老板马上恭恭敬敬地请来人坐下,并
    连声说:“这就对了,这就对了!您确是前总统了。东西您随便挑吧!”


    国王是什么 国王,这是一种男人,美国人通常称之为“戴王冠的头颅”,尽管他从来不戴王冠,并
    且往往也没有头脑可言。

    一半终身监禁 国王视察监狱。他问一名犯人判处了何种徒刑。
    “终身监禁,陛下!”
    “典狱长!传我的命令,判处他一半终身监禁。”
    天哪!没有一个人知道应该怎样执行国王的命令。
    一个聪明的狱吏,想出了一个绝妙的办法,他向典狱长说:“遵照国王陛下的命令,这
    个犯人应该坐一天牢,释放回家一天,直到他死。”

    我没有枪 一次有个国王在检阅部队时向其士兵提出这样一个问题:“假如我亲自命令你们向我开
    枪,你们服不服从我的命令?”
    所有的士兵都回答:“服从,因为军人以服从为天职,既是命令就要绝对服从。”但只
    有一个士兵说:“我不开枪。”
    国王听了大为高兴,并夸奖了这个士兵。
    “好啊!我的孩子,至少我看到有一个士兵把国王的生命看得高于军人的天职。”后来
    他问这个士兵为什么不开枪打他。
    “因为我没有枪,我是一个司号兵。”

    王 后 王后,这是一个女人,国王在世的时候,她是王国的实际统治者;国王去世后,王国以
    她的名义统治,她实际上只是一个傀儡。

    君 主 欧洲有位君主虽年事已高,视力不好了,但他每年仍有猎鹿豪兴。他的副官每次总要陪
    着君主外出猎鹿,但亦怕君主看不清误射自己。有一次,他写了“我不是鹿”的牌子挂在背
    上,走了不久,突然听到“砰”的一枪,副官腿上中弹倒下。君主赶来,副官诉苦说:“陛
    下难道没看见我背上的字吗?”君主走近细看,说:“对不起,我刚才看到的是‘我是鹿’
    的字样。”


    皇帝的奖赏 罗马人喜欢看斗兽。一天,斗兽场出现一头大公牛,斗牛士连刺100枪都没刺中。这天
    皇帝正在场,便命人奖给斗牛士一个花环。大家莫名其妙,皇帝说:“你们看,连刺100枪
    却刺不中这么个庞然大物也的确是怪不容易的!”

    扭脸负的伤 古罗马人是尚武的民族,战士们以身前受伤为荣,后背受伤为耻。一次有位士兵当着皇
    帝的面炫耀自己脸上的伤疤,皇帝对他说:“我明白了,你一定是逃命时回头向后看的。”

    首 相 一位太太进了议会大厦,上楼梯时失足摔倒了。路过的首相殷勤地扶住了她。
    “首相先生,叫我怎么感谢您呢?”
    “下次大选投我的票就行了。”
    “不,我只不过膝盖摔坏了,脑袋可没坏。”

    总 理 内阁总理病了。他在医院里接到一份慰问电:“议会祝你早日康复,187票赞成,186
    票反对。”

    部 长 一个泥水匠出身的部长接受记者的采访。
    “你觉得当部长和当泥水匠有什么相似之处呢?”
    “两者都要在高处不头昏才行!”

    总 督 当埃尔·史密司第一次当选为纽约市的总督以后,便前往某一监狱视察。监狱长请求他
    对囚犯们讲几句话。他不知从何讲起。最后他开口了:“我的公民们!”突然他想到当一个
    人进了国家监狱后就不再是公民了,连忙改口说:“我的囚犯们!”他觉得这也不太恰当,
    于是又连忙改口说:“嗯,不管怎样,我很高兴看到你们这么多人在这儿。”


    议员的脑子 某人听说施行某种手术可以使他得到一个新的脑子。他走进医院,问医生有些什么货色
    贮存着。
    “这是一位出色的工程师的脑子,每盎司500元。”
    “还有什么?”
    “这是一位律师的脑子,1000元一盎司。”
    “你们还有点什么吗?”
    医生们面面相觑,接着示意他走到一个遮盖住的容器前面。他们轻轻地说:“这是一位
    议员的脑子,它每个盎司要25万元。”
    “啊!为什么这么贵?”那人惊呼道。
    医生们对他说:“首先,这个脑子几乎没有使用过;其次,你是否知道,得有多少个议
    员才能弄得到一盎司的脑子吗?”

    决不受礼 某承包商因为生意上的原因,准备用一辆新型、豪华的小轿车向一位议员行贿。这位议
    员却板起脸说:“先生,通常的行为准则以及我本人的基本荣誉感,都不允许我接受这样的
    礼物!”
    承包商说:“阁下,我很理解您所处的地位。这样吧,我以10美元的价格把这辆车卖
    给你。”
    议员考虑了片刻,断然答道:“既然如此,我就买两辆。”

    正直和廉洁 “我们怎么可能教孩子们学会正直和廉洁呢?我们连国会议员都教不会。”

    进午餐 国会议员在饭店进午餐。饭店经理问他:“您喜欢刚上的这道菜吗?议员先生。”
    “还可以。只是马铃薯在整个菜里占了绝对多数。”

    发展装甲部队 装甲兵司令在国会上极力主张大规模地发展装甲部队。
    “装甲就是一切。”他结束了自己的演说。
    一位国会议员说:“将军阁下,难道您不知道纪元前恐龙灭绝,就是因为装甲太重、头
    太小的缘故吗?”

    诚实的政治家 一位国会议员问另一位议员:“你怎么一口咬定你是个诚实的政治家,何以为证?”
    “我从不撒谎,从不否认:我是被收买的,谁掏腰包,我就为谁效劳。我是说到做到
    的。”


    独裁者是什么 独裁者,一种国家元首,他喜欢专政主义的瘟疫胜于无政府的灾难。

    希特勒视察 独裁者、战争狂阿道夫·希特勒来到一个精神病院视察。他问一个病人,是否知道他是
    谁,病人摇摇头。于是,希特勒大声宣布:“我是阿道夫·希特勒,你们的领袖。我的力量
    之大,可以与上帝相比!”
    病人们微笑着,同情地望着他。其中一个人拍拍希特勒的肩膀说道:“是啊,是啊,我
    们开始得病时,也像你这样子。”

    不敢公开 希特勒穿着便服坐在柏林一家电影院里看电影。当银幕上出现了希特勒演说的场面时,
    观众全体起立,都像演说中的希特勒一样举起了右手。整个影院中只有希特勒一个人仍坐在
    那里一动不动。旁边的一位观众弯下腰来悄悄地对他说:“我们的心情都与你一样,只是不
    敢像你这样勇敢地公开反对他罢了。”

    改  名 希特勒上台后,一个市民到警察局户籍处请求改一个名字。警员说:“先生,在一般情
    况下,我们是不允许更改名字的。也许你有什么特殊的原因,可以告诉我你叫什么名字吗?”
    “阿道夫·臭脚。”
    “是的,问题很明白,这个名字要改的。那么,请问你想改一个什么名字?”
    “莫尔茨·臭脚。”

    两条消息 纳粹统治德国时期,两个柏林市民在墓地碰上了。
    甲市民:“我有两条重要消息要告诉您,一条是坏消息,一条是好消息。”
    乙市民:“请您先告诉我好消息!”
    甲市民:“希特勒死了!”
    乙市民:“哦!我的上帝!万岁!——请告诉我那个坏消息吧!”
    甲市民:“第一条消息是假的!”

    希特勒不知道 1937年,维也纳的人们谈论的中心是“合并的危险性”。地理教师断言说:“希特勒
    永远也不会进攻奥地利,否则,就要打大仗了。请你们注意看这个地球仪:德国在这里,那
    么一点点大,而在它周围,有英国、法国,还有俄国,都比德国大。美国就更不用讲
    了……”
    历史教师摇着头说:“这个我也知道。可是老弟,希特勒也知道这点吗?”


    最伟大的生活法则 有人问一位政治家,他的成功之道是什么。这位政治家回答说:“最伟大的生活法则是
    容忍;其次是不容忍;第三,最难做到的是能够区分容忍和不容忍。”

    回忆录 一位批评家针对一位着名的政治家的回忆录写道:
    “他的回忆录证明了两点:第一,他有很丰富的想象力;第二,他有很坏的记忆力。这
    就使他达到了这样的目的:他过去做的都是对的。”

    混乱酿造者 某国一个政治家与一个外科医生和一个工程师就地球上哪种职业是首要的进行辩论。外
    科医生说:“《圣经》上说,夏娃是用亚当的肋骨造成的。那当然离不开外科手术,所以我
    的职业是最首要的。”
    工程师立即反驳说:“不对!世界是6天里从混乱中造成的,那是一项巨大的工程。在
    那以后,才谈得上亚当和夏娃。”
    政治家很有风度地说:“诸位,那么混乱又是谁造成的呢?”

    相信运气 有人问一位政治家:“你相信运气吗?”
    政治家答:“当然,要不然那些你所讨厌的混蛋怎么会得势呢?”


    外交家是什么 外交家,一个具备劝说天才的人,他能说服你心甘情愿地下地狱,并能使你跃跃欲试,
    巴不得立即上路。

    生日和年龄 儿子:爸爸,什么叫外交家?”
    父亲:外交家,是牢记女友的生日并忘掉她的年龄的人。”

    鼓动家 鼓动家,一种政治家,这种人专爱去摇邻居家的果树——
    以便把虫子从窝里赶出来。

    政 治 一个政治家说:“政治就他一团火:逼近的人会被焚烧,远离的人则又受冻。”

    边 界 边界,这是一个政治地理学名称,指的是两国之间的一种假想分界线,它把一个国家的
    假想的权力同另一个国家的假想权力分隔开来。

    竞 选 “失事”与“不幸”
    巴黎一位选民问一总统候选人:“‘失事’与‘不幸’有什么区别?”
    总统候选人回答:“如果我的竞选对手掉到海里去了——这就是‘失事’;如果有人又
    把他救起来——这就是‘不幸’。”

    都想当议员 一位众议员为了竞选连任,对他选区的选民发表演说。
    他说:“为了美国人民的幸福生活,我还要努力奋斗。要知道,现在议员不比以前好干
    了,实在难当啊……”一位选民插话说:“是的,阁下,现在的议员是不好当了,可是又有
    谁不想当议员呢?”

    诚实的挣钱方法 一名总统候选人在竞选辩论中对他的竞争者说:“挣钱的办法有成千上万种,但只有一
    种是诚实的。”
    “哪一种?”
    “正好是您不知道的那种。”

    地 位 地位,这是在人类价值等级表上的相对高度。
    阿拉米斯·朱基斯诗曰:
    他在王宫中地位很高,
    其他贵族想知道其中的奥妙,
    苦苦寻求后他们才知道——
    他们没掌握替国王搔痒的巧技。

    外 交 外交,这是一种为自己国家的利益而说谎的爱国主义艺术。

    叛 乱 叛乱,这是一场没有成功的革命。对一个暴虐的政府不满,想用另一种暴政取代它,结
    果却失败了。

    自 由 一位莫斯科公民丢了一只鹦鹉——一只很会骂人的鹦鹉。天知道它会在外面乱说些什么
    呢?要是引起克格勃的注意那就糟了!那位失主很是紧张,为了避免不必要的麻烦,他特地
    在一家有声誉的发行量很大的报纸上,刊登了这么一则广告:“遗失一只会说话的鹦鹉。特
    此郑重声明:本人不同意它的政治观点。”


    两个侍者在聊天。 甲:“老百姓可以骂州长,骂总统,可见我们美国很民主。”乙:“是啊,总统谁都可
    以骂,但谁也不能骂自己的老板。”

    独裁统治 F国实行军事独裁统治之后,贼盗四起,社会一片混乱。一天,最高统治者在警卫的护
    卫下来到金库,看到门口站着一个残废的士兵,颇为奇怪:“怎么,难道可以把金库交给一
    个这样的人去掌管吗?”
    “请您放心,这里戒备森严,绝对不会丢失东西的。”护卫长答道。
    “那为什么让这个废物站在这里呢?”
    “只要他站在这里,他就不可能再到别处去偷盗了!”


    希 望 有消息说,将有第一个黑人被发射到太空。
    甲:我希望这消息不要给当局带来灵感。
    乙:什么灵感?
    甲:到太空建立“班图斯坦”呀!
    (注:“班图斯坦”即南非当局根据其种族隔离法强迫黑人在一些偏远、贫瘠地区建立
    的所谓“黑人家园”)

    种族隔离政策 它意味着:我的东西是我的,你的东西也是我的。

    检查制度 瑞士某人给居住在东柏林的亲戚写信,信尾不放心地嘱咐道:“听说你们那里检查制度
    很严,盼你安全收信并及早回复。”
    过了一段时候以后,信又退到寄信人手中,上边附了一张条子:“此信有中伤民主共和
    国的内容,不予投递。另外,我国并无检查制度。”
    -------------------

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

  16. BlogIcon 上海佳吉快运 2013.03.22 22:21 신고

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  17. BlogIcon Youth nike jersey 2013.03.24 06:46 신고

    【古典笑林】

    ⊙非常不敢说

    五代时冯瀛王门客讲《道德经》首章,有“道可道,非常道”。门客见“道”字是
    冯名,乃曰:“不敢说,可不敢说,非常不敢说。”

    ——(宋)无名氏撰《籍川笑林》

    ⊙以姓名谑

    石中立参政滑稽,有上官泌郎中劝以慎口,对曰:“下官口干上官鼻何事?”

    ——(明)潘埙辑《楮记室》

    ⊙金眼睛

    党进命画工写真,写成大怒,责画工曰:“前日见你画大虫,尚用金箔帖眼,偏我
    消不得一双金眼睛乎?”

    ——(明)浮白斋主人撰《雅谑》

    ⊙秃 字

    包山寺(在苏州太湖)僧天灵者,博学通文。有一秀才嘲之曰:“秃驴的秃字如何
    写?”僧应声答曰:“把秀才的秀字,屁股略弯弯掉转就是。”

    ——(明)浮白斋主人撰《雅谑》

    ⊙韩信主考

    宋壬戌科,秦桧之子熹,侄昌时、昌龄,一榜登第。时人愤恨,追问今岁知贡举为
    谁。一士答曰:“是韩信。”人争辩其非。士笑曰:“若非韩信主考,如何乃取三
    秦?”

    ——(明)浮白斋主人撰《雅谑》

    ⊙产 喻
    一士屡科不利,其妻素患难产,谓夫曰:“中这一节,与生产一般艰难。”士曰:
    “你是有在肚里,我却无在肚里。”

    ——(明)浮白主人辑《笑林》

    ⊙名读书

    车胤囊荧读书,孙康映雪读书。一日,康往拜胤,不遇,问何往,门者曰:“出外
    捉萤火虫去了。”已而胤答拜康,见康闲立庭中,问:“何不读书?”康曰:“我
    看今日这天不像个下雪的。”

    ——(明)浮白主人辑《笑林》

    ⊙豆 腐

    一人留客饭,只豆腐一味,自言:“豆腐是我性命,觉他味不及也。”异日至客家
    ,客记其食性所好,乃以鱼肉中各和豆腐。其人只择鱼肉大啖,客问曰:“汝曰‘
    豆腐是性命’,今日如何不吃?”答曰:“见了鱼肉,性命都不要了。”

    ——(明)浮白主人辑《笑林》

    ⊙卖 糕

    有叫卖糕者,声甚哑,人问其故,曰:“我饿耳。”又问:“既饿,何不食糕?”
    曰:“是馊的。”(两曰皆低声而说)

    ——(明)浮白主人辑《笑林》

    ⊙厨 师

    有厨子在家切肉,匿一快于怀中。妻见之,骂曰:“这是自家的肉,为何如此?”
    答曰:“啊,我忘了。”

    ——(明)冯梦龙辑《笑府》

    ⊙新官赴任

    新官赴任,问吏胥曰:“做官事体当如何?”吏曰:“一年要清,二年半清,三年
    便混。”官叹曰:“教我如何熬得到三年!”

    ——(明)冯梦龙辑《广笑府卷二》

    ⊙知母贝母

    人有初开药肆者,一日他出,令其子守铺。遇客买牛膝并鸡爪黄莲,子愚不识药,
    遍索笥中无所有,乃割己耕牛一足,斫二鸡脚售之。父归问卖何药,询知前事,大
    笑发叹曰:“客若要知母贝母时,岂不连汝母亲也抬去了!”

    ——(明)冯梦龙辑《广笑府卷三》

    ⊙较 岁

    一人新育女,有以二岁儿来作媒者,其人怒曰:“我女一岁,汝儿二岁;若吾女十
    岁,汝儿二十岁矣。安得许此老婿?”妻闻之曰:“汝误矣,吾女今年一岁,明年
    便与彼儿同庚,如何不许?”

    ——(明)冯梦龙辑《广笑府卷八》

    ⊙仙女下嫁

    董永行孝,玉帝命一仙女嫁之,众仙送行,皆嘱咐曰“此去下方,若再有行孝者,
    千万捎个信来。”

    ——(明)冯梦龙辑《广笑府卷十三》

    ⊙僧 眼

    僧与人弈,因夺角,不能成眼,甚躁,头痒,乃手摸其顶而沉吟曰:“这里有得一
    个眼便好。”

    ——(明)醉月子辑《精选雅笑》

    ⊙好 酒

    父子扛酒一坛,因路滑打碎,其父大怒。其子伏地大饮,抬头向父曰:“难道你还
    要等菜吗?”

    ——(清)陈皋谟辑《笑倒》

    ⊙七月儿

    有怀孕七月即产一婴儿者,其夫恐养不大,遇人即问。一日, http://www.indianapoliscoltshop.com/ Andrew Luck Blue Jersey,与友谈及此事,友曰
    :“这个无妨,我家祖亦是七个月出世的。”其人错愕问曰:“若是这等说,令祖
    后来毕竟养得大否?”

    ——(清)游戏主人辑《笑林广记卷五》

    『晒书』

    郝隆七月七日出、日中仰卧。人问其故,答曰∶“我晒书。”东坡谓晨饮为“浇书”。
    〖编者按〗美国人必皆饱学之士,夏日海滩为证也。

    □选自〔明〕冯梦龙《古今笑》

    『雪诗』

    唐人有张打油,作《雪》诗云∶“江上一笼统,井上黑窟窿。黄狗身上白,白狗身
    上肿。”

    陆诗伯《雪》诗云∶“大雪洋洋下,柴米都长价。板凳当柴烧,吓得床儿怕。”又
    云∶“玉皇大帝卖私盐,一个苏州拖面煎。”

    □选自〔明〕冯梦龙《古今笑》

    『竹诗』

    王祈有竹诗两句,最为得意,为东坡诵之,曰∶“叶垂千口剑,干耸万条枪。”苏
    笑曰∶“好则好矣,只是十条竹竿共一片叶也。”

    □选自〔明〕冯梦龙《古今笑》

    『鸣鹅』

    会稽有姥,养一鹅,善鸣。右军〔王羲之〕求市不得,遂携亲友就观。姥闻羲之至
    ,烹鹅以待。右军叹惜弥日。

    □选自〔明〕冯梦龙《古今笑》

    『刘伶』

    刘伶恒纵酒放达。或脱衣裸形在屋中,人见讥之。伶曰∶“我以天地为栋宇,屋室
    为裤衣。诸君何为入我裤中?”

    □选自〔明〕冯梦龙《古今笑》(河北人民出版社?一九八五年)

    『吝啬』

    沈峻欲赠张温。入内检视良久,出语温曰∶“欲择一端布送卿,而无粗者。”竟不
    送。

    □ 选自〔明〕冯梦龙《古今笑》

    『偷诗』

    杨衡初隐庐山,有盗其文而登第者。衡后亦登第,见其人,问曰∶“‘一一鹤声飞
    上天’在否?”答曰∶“此句知兄最惜,不敢偷。”衡曰∶“犹可恕也!”

    □ 选自〔明〕冯梦龙《古今笑》

    『放生』

    北使李谐至梁。武帝与之游历,偶至放生处。帝曰∶“彼国亦放生否?”谐曰∶“
    不取,亦不放。”帝惭之。

    □ 选自〔明〕冯梦龙《古今笑》

    『伊籍』

    先主〔刘备〕以伊籍使吴。孙权闻其才辩,欲逆折以辞。籍适入拜,权曰∶“劳事
    无道之君乎?”对曰∶“一拜一起,未足为劳。”

    □ 选自〔明〕冯梦龙《古今笑》

    『东方朔』

    武帝时,有献不死之酒者,东方朔窃饮之。帝怒,欲杀朔。朔曰∶“臣所饮,不死
    之酒也。杀臣,臣亦不死;臣死,酒亦不验。”

    □ 选自〔明〕冯梦龙《古今笑》

    『苏轼《洗儿诗》』

    东坡频年谪居,尝作 《洗儿诗》,曰∶

    人皆养子望聪明,我被聪明误一生。
    惟愿孩儿愚且鲁,无灾无难到公卿。

    □ 选自〔明〕冯梦龙《古今笑》(河北人民出版社?一九八五)

    不洗脚

    南北朝时梁朝将领阴子春,常常几年不洗脚。
    他还满有道理:“洗辄失财败事。”他的夫
    人憎恶极了。有一回实在忍不住,“劝令一
    洗”。偏偏不久他在梁州之役中吃了败仗,
    谓“洗脚所致。”大恨妇,遂终生不洗。

    章迪摘自[读者文摘94.4]

    和尚煮虾

    有个和尚偷偷地买来虾子煮了吃。他看见虾
    在锅里乱跳,于是连忙双手合十,低声对虾
    说:“阿弥陀佛,忍耐些忍耐些,一会儿焙
    熟了,就不痛了。”

    章迪摘自[读者文摘94.4]

    刘大请客

    刘大不善说话,常得罪人。他五十岁生日那天,特地邀请了张三、李四、王五和赵
    六聚会。

    快开饭了,赵六还没到。刘大懊恼地说:『该来的不来。』张三听了,心想:我可

    是不该来的,于是就走了。

    刘大一看张三走了,着急的说:『哎,不该走的又走了。』李四听了这话,很不是
    滋味,心想:看来我是该走的。于是,也立即走了。

    刘大见李四也走了,摇了摇头对王五说:『我又不是讲他。』王五想:你不是讲他
    ,那一定是讲我了。于是也起身走了。

    刘大呆呆地望着一桌酒菜,心里纳闷:『我说什么了,怎么都走了?』

    陛下就是我佛

    唐朝皇帝姓李,听说道教始祖老子也姓李,便想把道教放在佛教之上。

    有个叫法静的和尚,去见皇帝说:『从古到今佛教唯大,而且佛法无边,我佛如来
    灵验。今陛下以一姓之私抬高道教,恐怕天下不服!』

    皇帝勃然大怒,将法静定为死罪,押监入狱,并说:『你开口佛法无边,闭口我佛
    如来,我给你七天时间去念佛,临刑时看佛救不救你,灵验不灵验!』

    法静入狱第一天,皇帝派人去看他是否在念如来。回报的人说法静闭目静坐,口中
    念念有声,就是听不大清。以后接连去看,天天如是。

    到了第七天要拉出去问斩。皇帝问法静:『你的佛念的怎么样了?』法静笑道:『
    七天来我没念佛,天天在念皇帝陛下。』
    皇帝感到奇怪,问他为什么。法静道:『陛下就是我佛如来,我佛如来就是陛下!


    皇帝听了,顿时异常高兴:『嗯,如来就是朕,朕就是如来。好,赦你无罪!』

    摘自《中国古代笑话—笑画连篇》,中国连环画出版社。
    张双翼

    喜欢老虎

    从前,有个老和尚一心想培养一个虔诚的小和尚。便抱了一个婴儿抚养,从小教他
    吃斋念佛,不让他接触尘世,以免受到世俗的影响。

    小和尚这年十六岁了,能背诵各种佛经,老和尚自以为培养了一个虔诚的弟子,十
    分高兴。

    这一天,镇上有户人家做佛事,老和尚想锻炼一下小和尚,便带着他下山到镇上去


    小和尚从没下过山,从没见过这么多人,更没见过这么热闹的市场,简直有点眼花
    缭乱。忽然小和尚停住了脚步,两眼直盯盯的看着一位姑娘。

    老和尚忙念到:『阿弥陀佛!』拉了一下小和尚。小和尚指着姑娘问:『这是什么
    ?』老和尚骗他说:『是老虎。』

    回山的路上,他们看到了一只真老虎,小和尚又问:『这是什么?』老和尚说:『
    是姑娘。』

    回到庙里,老和尚为了试试小和尚是否真的脱了凡心,就问小和尚:『你今天下了
    一次山,告诉我,你最喜欢什么?』小和尚说:『喜欢「老虎」。』

    摘自《中国古代笑话—笑画连篇》,中国连环画出版社。
    张双翼

    屁文章

    一秀才数尽,去见阎王,阎王偶放一屁,秀才即献屁颂一篇曰:“高耸金臀,弘宣
    宝气,依稀乎丝竹之音,仿弗乎麝兰之味,臣立下风,不胜芯馨之至。”阎王大喜
    ,增寿十年,即时放回阳间。十年限满,再见阎王。此秀才志气舒展,望森罗殿摇
    摆而上,阎王问是何人,小鬼回曰:“就是那个做屁文章的秀才。”

    父母何物

      某公任一县童子试卷监阅。卷题取四书上一句“父母在”。内有一卷,破题为
    :“夫父母,何物也?”公大笑,批文其上:“父,阳物也;母,阴物也;阴阳不
    和生你这怪物也。”

    尚书与恃郎

    有尚书与恃郎共主一部,二人素不睦。某日,尚书见一匹狗窜入大堂,乃佯问恃郎
    :“是狼,是狗?”恃郎洞悉尚书用心,乃徐徐答道:“夫狼与狗之区别在于尾:
    上竖为狗,下垂为狼。”

    死错了人

    一个人的亲家母死了,他托一秀才写一篇祭文。秀才从一本 文集中抄了一篇给他,
    他一看,却是一篇祭亲家翁的文章,就对 秀才说:“错了。”秀才说:“怎么会错
    呢,
    这篇文章是从书上 抄下来的,一字不错,是不是他家死错了人?”

    玫瑰酥糖

    一个人在苏州买了一包酥糖,拆开一数只有五块。他心里想怎么少 了四块,不知道什
    么原因。向店家一问,才知道自己把“玫瑰酥糖”读 作了“玖块酥糖”。

     

    翻来倒去

    书生的母亲死了。有人送来一个奠幛,还有四张纸,上边写着四个大字:"德 配孟
    母",
    让他自己缝上。书生翻来倒去看不懂,最后排成了"母配孟德",缝在 奠幛上。

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    中了没有;弟弟到那儿一看,榜上有哥哥的名字.便一
    直站在榜下,两眼死死盯着哥哥的大名.到天黑也不离开.
    哥哥觉得奇怪,便来找他.只见他仍然仰着脸儿盯着
    那个名字.哥哥问他为什么要这样,他说:"天下同名同姓
    的人多着呢!要是我一走,别人把你的名字顶了去,那怎么 办?"

    一老儒生,晚年得子,给孩子取名?年纪".第二年
    又得一子,老儒生认为这孩子很像读 ,就取名为"学问".
    以后,又再得一子,他自己也觉得好笑;年纪这么大了,还
    连得三子,真是笑话!于是就用"笑话"来给三儿命名.
    三个儿子长大后,都不怎么长进.有一次他们三个上
    山砍柴,回家时,老儒生问老婆 ,哪一个砍得最,老婆答道:"
    年纪有了一把,学问一些也无,笑话倒有一担!"

  18. 난 정말이 블로그에 기사를 읽을 것을 좋아합니다. 공유 주셔서 감사합니다

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    4月24日15時ごろ、警察は手がかりは進水径村はある人など2邱容疑者逮捕、その後、また6容疑者も続々到案.


    今年2月17日23時ごろ、女の子は黄暁東に来て交番に通報と22時:当日30分ごろ、竜崗区布吉関通関方向などの友達の時、何遭い男を強引にワゴン車.彼女に1部の携帯電話や1000多元現金われ、しかもいくつかの男性は上半身裸になってその服、ちぎるブラ携帯で写真を撮った.







    ■新快報深セン記者黄学民通信員薛哲刘波




    <br



    と経取り調べ、邱あるなど8容疑者はラ黄乗車略奪、ヌード撮影の犯罪事実を認めていますが、中にはさらにひめごと.

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과연 두 대의 아이폰이 나올 것인가


기다리다가 눈이 빠질 지경인 분들이 많이 있습니다. 아이폰 3GS의 약정이 끝나가는 분들도 있고, 저처럼 약정 계약서에 잉크가 마르기도 전에 아이폰이 국내에 출시되는 바람에 스마트폰 열풍을 멀리서 바라만 봐야했던 분들이 있을 겁니다. 그런 분들이 올해 드디어 자유의 몸이 되는데요. 그래서 그런지 올해만큼 아이폰 관련 루머가 많이 돌았던 적도 없었던것 같고, 기대를 모은 적도 없었던 것 같습니다.



↑↑ 추천은 저의 힘이 됩니다. ^^ 구독하기+


이런 가운데 심상치 않은 소식이 들려오고 있는데요. 미국의 IT 전문지 씨넷에 의하면 "애플이 올 연말 2개의 아이폰 버전을 내놓기 위해 준비하고 있다."라고 하는군요. 매년 하나의 아이폰 모델을 발표해 왔던 것에 비해서 이례적으로 올 해 2개의 아이폰이 발표 될 지도 모른다는 것은 의미있는 일입니다.

Swimming In The iPool
Swimming In The iPool by JD Hancock 저작자 표시


- 349달러짜리 중간급 스마트 폰


그 동안 애플 제품들은 최고급 사양에 고가를 자랑했습니다. 어느 기사에서였나요, 아니면 책에서였나요. 애플의 주 타겟층은 돈이 좀 있는 사람들로 성능뿐만아니라 디자인이 아름다운 기기에 아낌없이 돈을 쓸 수 있는 중산층 ~ 상류층의 고객이라는 말을 들은 적이 있습니다. 그래서 그런지는 몰라도 애플의 제품군들은 예쁜 디자인에 가격이 좀 쎄죠.

하지만 이런 철학이 적용이 안 되는 곳이 바로 플랫폼 시장입니다. MP3 플레이어인 아이팟 시리즈를 판매하면서 스티브 잡스는 아이튠즈라는 플랫폼을 만들어서 음원 유통에 혁신적인 바람을 몰고 옵니다. 단순히 아이팟이라는 제품을 만들어 파는 전자제품 회사를 벗어나 컨텐츠를 유통시킬 수 있는 강력한 플랫폼을 갖추게 된 것이죠.

이는 스마트폰 시장에까지 이어져서 애플의 스마트 디바이스 군들은 애플 앱스토어라는 플랫폼과 연결되어 있습니다. 이 앱 스토어를 통해서 사용자는 스마트 디바이스에서 구동할 어플리케이션들을 검색, 구입 할 수 있습니다. 또 다른 시장이 생긴 셈이죠. 그 시장을 사용하는 사람이 많다는 것은, 시장이 북적거린다는 것은 그 곳에서 새로운 수익을 추구 할 수 있는 가능성을 의미하며 미래 경쟁력을 의미하기도 합니다.

이 때, 이 마켓을 이용하는 유저는 "어떤" 혹은 "어떤 가격의" 스마트 기기를 사용하는지와는 무관하다는데 생각해볼만한 포인트가 있습니다. 애플의 아이폰이야 제품의 종류가 없다지만 상대편인 안드로이드 진영에서는 굉장히 많은 제품군들이 있습니다. 따라서 많은 종류의 가격대 별 제품이 있을 수 있고 사용자가 자신의 경제적 상황에 맞게 제품을 선택 할 수 있는 폭도 넓습니다. 100만원짜리 스마트폰을 사나 30만원짜리 스마트폰을 사나 앱 스토어에는 똑같은 한명의 고객이 되는 셈입니다.

이것이 중요한게 개발 도상국에서는 아직 고가의 스마트폰을 구입할 여력이 없는 사람들이 많이 있습니다. 그런 사람들에게 중저가의 보급형 스마트폰을 공급하면 미래의 잠재 고객을 많이 확보 할 수 있고, 앱 스토어의 규모적 확대를 꾀 할 수 있게 됩니다.

애플이 두 가지 종류의 스마트폰을 준비하고 있는 것, 그 중에 하나가 중저가의 아이폰이 될 가능성이 높다는 것이 바로 이 때문일 것입니다.

wifi
wifi by güneş in wonderland 저작자 표시비영리동일조건 변경허락


- 아이폰 5의 관건은 4세대 통신 지원여부


이건 IT 뉴비인 제 개인적인 생각인데 아마 아이폰 5가 국내에서 성공하기 위해서 혹은 전작들을 능가하는 성공을 만들어내기 위해서는 4세대 통신기술들을 제공해야 합니다. 요즘 광고가 많이 되고 있는 LTE나 와이브로 기술등이 기본적으로 제공되는 4세대 이동 통신이 통신시장의 뜨거운 감자로 부각되고 있는데요. 앞으로 인기를 얻은 혹은 각 스마트폰 제조회사들이 어필 할 수 있는 핵심 키워드는 4세대 통신입니다.

이런 가운데 아이폰 역시 핵심 키워드로 가져 갈 수 있는 것이 더 좋은 스펙보다는 4세대 통신의 지원여부인데요. 저도 그렇고 많은 분들이 아이폰의 LTE 기술 지원 여부를 놓고 궁금해 하고 있습니다.

아이폰 5를 눈이 빠져라 2년동안 기다린 저라도 4세대 이동통신 기술이 지원 되지 않는 아이폰은 매력이 그렇게 많이 없어 보입니다. 아이폰 5가 출시 될 타이밍에 국내의 4세대 통신 기술의 안정성과 칩 지원 여부를 두고 고민을 해야 겠습니다. 그렇지 않다면 1년을 또 기다릴 생각도 있구요.


labyrinthine circuit board lines
labyrinthine circuit board lines by quapan 저작자 표시


애플의 제품과 관련 된 소식이 하나 둘씩 흘러나오면서 점점 출시일이 눈 앞으로 다가 온 것 같습니다. 하지만 제품이 나왔다고 무조건 살 수는 없는 법이죠. 꼼꼼히 따져보고 제대로 구입해야겠습니다.

ps. IT 하드웨어 관련 글은 제가 잘 몰라서 지적 많이 해주시기 바랍니다 ㅜㅜ
  1. 이전 댓글 더보기
  2. BlogIcon ♡솔로몬♡ 2011.06.29 15:10 신고

    눈 깜짝할사이 새로운것이 나오네요,,,,,
    미리 만들어 놓고 ,,한단계씩 업그레이는 하는 느낌이랄까요?
    ㅎㅎ

  3. BlogIcon 명태랑 짜오기 2011.06.29 15:10 신고

    2대의 아이폰이 나오면 IT 시장이 어떻게 변할까요?
    포스팅 잘 보고 갑니다.
    즐거운 시간되세요

  4. BlogIcon manwon 2011.06.29 15:36 신고

    워낙 안드로이드폰이 단말기를 공짜에 가깝게 구할 수 있는 것이 많아서, 아이폰 입장에서도 보급형 단말기의 출시가 이득이 될 것 같다고 저도.. 생각이 되어지네요~
    정말 나올지는 가봐야 알겠지만요~
    좋은 글 잘 보고 갑니다~~

  5. BlogIcon 쪼매맹 2011.06.29 15:44 신고

    그렇군요 2대가 나오는군요.
    한국에도 다나올까요~세상이 순식간에 변해서
    적을하기 힘들어질듯~

  6. BlogIcon 달콤 시민 2011.06.29 15:52 신고

    가능성있는 이야기네요ㅎㅎㅎ
    약정이 남은 저에겐 조금 천천히 나왔으면 하는 바램도 들곤 하죠^^
    꼼꼼히 따져보는 쎈쓰! 정말 꼭 필요한 조건중 하나입니다.ㅋ

  7. BlogIcon 설보라 2011.06.29 15:58 신고

    전 아직 계약기간이 1년이 남아서 1년뒤로 미루고,
    관망만 해야겠네요~~ 지금 사용중인 스마트폰에 만족해야겠죠?ㅎ
    잘 보고 갑니다.^^

  8. BlogIcon 플티~ 2011.06.29 17:46 신고

    보급형이 나오는건가요? ^^
    아이폰4를 사용하고있기 때문에 아이폰5는..그냥 구경만해야 될것 같아요~^^
    꼬마낙타님 좋은정보 잘 보고갑니다.
    좋은하루 되세요~~^^

  9. BlogIcon 달빛천사7 2011.06.29 18:31 신고

    조금 더 지나면 더 좋은것들이 많이 나올거 같네염 좋은리뷰 잘보고 감니다.

  10. BlogIcon cfono1 2011.06.29 18:38 신고

    제 생각에는 구형 아이폰들 조금 손 봐서 싸게 내놔도 잘 팔릴 듯 싶어요

  11. BlogIcon 레오 ™ 2011.06.29 19:16 신고

    전문 블로거의 리뷰 ...잘 읽어 보고 구입하렵니다 ^^

  12. BlogIcon spidey 2011.06.29 19:28 신고

    아직 아이폰 조차 없는 1인이기에..
    ㅋㅋ 요금제나 싸게 나오면 좋겠네요.

  13. BlogIcon 사랑퐁퐁 2011.06.29 20:05 신고

    갖고 싶네요..
    구경좀...해봤음 좋겠어요..^^

  14. BlogIcon B.C냥이 2011.06.29 22:02 신고

    새로운 제품들이 확확 출시되는군요..^^
    어떤 제품들이 나올지는 모르지만, 사람들의 소비욕구를 마구마구 자극시키겠네요..^^

  15. BlogIcon |노을| 2011.06.29 23:26 신고

    으... 아이폰4 산지 얼마 안되나서... 개인적으로 좀 늦게나왔으면..(응?)..ㅎㅎㅎ;;

  16. BlogIcon pinksanho 2011.06.29 23:44 신고

    호... 아이폰5 ... 지금 폰 구입하기전에 기다려보겠다 ...당당히 외쳤건만 ...저랑은 인연이 아닌가봐요 ㅠㅠ

  17. BlogIcon 이즈군 2011.06.30 00:50 신고

    4G 통신망이 빠르게 구축되고 있는 시점에서 이 통신망을 사용할 수 없는 아이폰이라면 경쟁력을 갖추지 못할 건 사실입니다.
    신 아이폰과 더불어 중저가 아이폰이 동시에 출시된다면 그야말로 여러 층을 공략하는 점이 되겠네요 ^^
    아이폰은 너무 비싸기에 아이팟으로 만족하고 있는 저에게는 희소식입니다~

  18. BlogIcon *저녁노을* 2011.06.30 05:28 신고

    노을이두 아직...준비해야하는데 하면서..미루고 있어요.
    잘 보고가요

  19. BlogIcon 해우기 2011.06.30 09:48 신고

    음....
    참 많은관심을 가지는분들이 많으신데...
    가지고있는것도 제대로 활용못하는 사람이라서..ㅋㅋ

  20. BlogIcon ttalk 2011.07.01 00:24 신고

    지금까지 애플의 행적을 봤을 땐 중저가 모델을 정말 내놓을지 의문이었는데...
    꼬마낙타님 글을 읽어보니 중저가 모델을 내놓을 가능성이 있군요~ :)

  21. 볶음짬뽕 2011.07.04 12:30 신고

    4g는 솔직히 아직은 때가 아니라 봅니다. 통신비도 너무비싸고 skt,lgt 는 망구축도 않한상태이고 kt는 망은 구축되어있지만 특정지역을 벗어나면 인터넷이 않잡히는 문제도 여전하고 말이죠 아직은 3g에서 벗어나기 힘든거같습니다. 그래서 이번에 출시되는
    아이폰은 충분히 매리트 있다봅니다.

    • BlogIcon 파프리 꼬마낙타 2011.07.05 00:48 신고

      그렇죠..
      그래도 얼리어답터분들은 지를것 같아요.. ㅎ
      저도 일찌감치 질러서 써보려구요 +_+


삼성전자와 애플, 링을 바꿔 한판 또 붙어... 이제는 클라우드 전쟁


삼성전자와 애플이 치열한 싸움을 하고 있다는 것은 다 알고 계실겁니다. 당장 스마트폰 시장에서 갤럭시 시리즈와 아이폰이 싸움을 하고 있고, 태블릿 PC 시장에서는 갤럭시 탭과 아이패드가 싸움을 하고 있습니다. 게다가 태블릿 PC 관련하여 저작권 침해 소송을 벌이며 여러분야에서 치열하게 싸우고 있습니다.



↑↑ 추천은 저의 힘이 됩니다. ^^ 구독하기+


이러한 가운데 삼성전자가 올 하반기 클라우드 서비스 시장에 진출할 것이라는 기사가 뜨면서 애플이 공개한 클라우드 서비스인 아이클라우드( iCloud )와 또 한바탕 싸움을 하게 되었습니다. 스마트폰과 태블릿 PC를 넘어서 클라우드 시장까지 두 기업이 맞붙으면서 점점 재미있는 양상으로 진행되고 있습니다.

이 두 기업 간의 싸움은 비단 두 개의 커다란 기업의 이권싸움으로만 볼 것이 아니라 기술의 흐름과 미래를 내다 볼 수 있는 지표로 삼을 수 있다는 것이 중요합니다. 아이폰에 이어서 삼성이 갤럭시 시리즈를 출시한 점은 모바일 폰 시장의 중심이 기존의 피쳐폰에서 스마트폰으로 넘어갔음을 알리는 신호탄이었고, 갤럭시 탭과 아이패드의 출시들은 본격적인 스마트 기기들의 세상이 올 것을 예측하는 지표였습니다.


Descending Clouds
Descending Clouds by Gary Hayes 저작자 표시비영리변경 금지


이 싸움이 그대로 클라우드 시장으로 옮겨가면서 자연스레 미래에 중요한 기술로 클라우드 컴퓨팅 기술이 떠오르고 있는 것입니다.

그렇다면 클라우드 컴퓨팅이란 무엇일까요? 자세히는 쓸 수 없겠지만 간략하게 적어 보겠습니다.


1. 클라우드 컴퓨팅이란?

클라우드 컴퓨팅이란 간단히 말해서 클라우드에서 하는 컴퓨팅을 말합니다. 말장난이 아니라 여기서 클라우드란 인터넷을 의미하는 말로, 인터넷의 경우 네트워크의 연결이 매우 복잡해서 대부분 그냥 구름 형태로 그리기 때문에 이런 식으로 언급을 합니다. ( 전세계적으로 굉장히 복잡하게 연결되어 있기 때문에 정확한 네트워크 구조에 대한 의미는 별로 없는 편입니다. 그래서 인터넷을 자세히 그리기 보단 하나의 구름같은 존재, 어떻게든 연결이 되어있는 구조로 보는 것입니다. )

이런 인터넷 상에 하나의 커다란 데이터 서버를 두고, 그곳에서 컴퓨팅이 이루어 지는 구조를 말합니다. 요즘은 대부분 저장공간위주로 서비스가 이루어지고 있지만, 저장공간뿐만아니라 컴퓨팅 자원( 대규모의 연산 )도 클라우드 컴퓨팅의 범주에 넣기도 합니다.

Cloud Computing
Cloud Computing by mansikka 저작자 표시비영리


이런 클라우드 컴퓨팅의 장점으로는 부담이 많은 연산이나 저장공간이 인터넷 상에 저장되기 때문에 인터넷에 접속가능한 단말기만 있다면 서비스를 이용할 수 있게 되는 것입니다.

저장공간으로 말하면, 인터넷 상에 가상의 하드디스크가 있어서 용량이 큰 멀티미디어 자료나 데이터를 단말기의 용량확장 없이 편리하게 사용 할 수 있는 것입니다. 게다가 데이터가 독립적으로 인터넷 서버에 존재하기 때문에 여러개의 서로 다른 단말기에서 해당 데이터에 접근이 가능합니다.

KT의 클라우드 광고를 보시면 노트북에서 작업하던 파일을 클라우드에 올려놓고, 스마트폰에서 사용하거나 스마트 TV에서 받아 볼 수 있는 구조를 볼 수 있습니다. 쉽게 말하면 인터넷 상에 존재하는 외장하드에 바로바로 저장을 하게 되는 것이죠.

클라우드 컴퓨팅에서 중요한 점은 인터페이스가 단순해야 한다는 점입니다. 클라우드 컴퓨팅을 구현할 때, 하나의 커다란 머신에 집어 넣는 경우는 별로 없습니다. 대부분 여러대의 중소규모 컴퓨터를 모아서 하나의 클러스터로 구성해놓는 방식을 취합니다. 클라우드 컴퓨팅 서비스의 사용자는 이런 내부 구조를 모른채 사용이 가능해야 합니다. ( 단순히 하나의 컴퓨터에 저장을 하는 것처럼... )

아무튼 이런 클라우드 컴퓨팅은 자원을 유연하게 사용 할 수 있다는 점, 그리고 기기들의 모빌리티가 중요해지고 있는 시점에서 중요하게 다가오고 있습니다.




2. 삼성과 클라우드

이런 클라우드 컴퓨팅을 하나의 커다란 플랫폼으로 생각 한다면 삼성이 갖는 장점은 이런 플랫폼에 접근 할 수 있는 기기의 다양성에 있습니다. 세계 최대의 전자회사이다보니 생산되는 제품 라인업이 다양한데요. 그런 제품들이 인터넷에 접근이 가능하다면, 그리고 내부적으로 메모리와 프로세서만 있다면 이런 클라우드 컴퓨팅을 이용할 수 있게 됩니다.

예를 들면, 삼성 디카로 찍은 사진이 플래시 메모리가 아니라 인터넷을 통해서 직접 클라우드에 저장이 되고, 그 사진 혹은 동영상들을 스마트폰이나 컴퓨터에서 바로 열어 볼 수 있게 되는 것이지요.

삼성전자의 말로는 카메라나 스마트폰 뿐만아니라 인터넷으로 연결할 수 있는 자사의 모든 제품을 대상으로 한다고 합니다. 여기에는 세탁기나 에어컨, 전자레인지 등도 포함이 될 수 있는데, 이럴 경우 정말 상상을 초월하는 어플리케이션, 응용들이 나올 수 있겠네요. 세탁기의 데이터들이 차트로 정리되어 클라우드에 올라간다면? 재밌겠네요.

또 한 이런 클라우드 플랫폼을 구축하기 위해서는 여러가지 핵심 부품들이 필요한데, 그런 핵심 부품들의 생산 측면에서도 삼성이 앞서나가고 있습니다. 예를 들면 디스플레이나 모바일 AP 같은 경우에는 애플보다 삼성이 앞선 경우이지요.

또 한 끼워 팔기 형식을 사용한다면 애플은 삼성을 이기기 힘들수 있습니다. 예를 들어 삼성이 판매하고 있는 전자 제품군에 무조건 삼성의 클라우드 플랫폼을 끼워 팔게 된다면, 마치 MS가 IE를 윈도우즈에 끼워 팔았듯이... 그러면 애플의 클라우드는 삼성을 이기기 정말 힘들어 지겠지요.


Annotated Workspace
Annotated Workspace by Guillermo Esteves 저작자 표시비영리동일조건 변경허락


하지만 삼성의 경우 한가지 단점이 있을 수 있습니다.
우선 삼성이 바라보는 소프트웨어에 대한 철학이 어떤지가 문제 될 수 있습니다. 삼성은 기본적으로 전자제품을 만들어 파는 하드웨어 회사입니다. 이런 회사의 특징이 소프트웨어를 하드웨어의 부속품 쯤으로 치부 할 가능성이 높습니다. ( 실제로 지금까지 그래왔구요. )

만약 삼성이 소프트웨어에 대한 철학, 이해가 변하지 않고 단순히 전자제품에 끼워 파는 한가지 기능으로만 치부를 해버린다면 애플이 더 유리해질 가능성도 높습니다. 지금 보듯이 애플은 아이폰과 더불어 자사의 운영체제와 앱 스토어 플랫폼을 개발해 놓았습니다. 삼성의 경우엔 바다OS 를 개발했지만 별로 두드러진 모습을 보이지 않고 있죠.

클라우드 시장도 하나의 독립적인 상품으로 바라보지 않고, 하드웨어를 더 많이 팔기 위한 수단으로 여긴다면 심각하게 깨질 수도 있습니다. ( 뭐 알아서 잘 하겠죠.. )




3. 애플과 클라우드

애플의 경우엔 이런 플랫폼 구축을 많이 해 봤습니다. 특히 완성도는 떨어졌지만 '모바일미' 라는 클라우드 서비스를 과거에 서비스 했던 경험도 있고, iOS 기반의 어플리케이션 마켓 구축을 통한 경험이 큰 자산이 되고 있습니다.

또 기업의 이미지도 클라우드 시장에 도움이 될 수 있습니다. 애플의 경우 전자회사라는 이미지 보다는 소프트웨어 회사라는 이미지가 강하고 ( 그들은 문화를 판매한다고 하죠 ) 삼성은 하드웨어 회사라는 이미지가 강합니다. 이런 가운데 단순히 클라우드 컴퓨팅 서비스라는 점만 놓고 본다면 이미지는 애플쪽으로 기울게 됩니다.

또 기존의 어플리케이션 마켓이나 아이튠즈 같은 플랫폼과의 연계는 상상이상의 시너지 효과를 낼 수 있는 잠재력을 가지고 있습니다.

클라우드 컴퓨팅을 사용하는 주요 기기들이 우선 컴퓨터와 스마트폰, 태블릿 PC가 될 것입니다. 특히 모바일 기기에서는 애플이 삼성을 많이 앞서가고 있는 현재 상황에서 당장 삼성이 애플의 적수가 될 수 있을지는 의문입니다. 사람들이 태블릿 PC에서 클라우드를 많이 사용할지 전자레인지나 세탁기에서 클라우드를 많이 사용할지는 안봐도 뻔하죠;;


Summer sun [explored]
Summer sun [explored] by Nick-K (Nikos Koutoulas) 저작자 표시비영리


앞으로 어떤 식으로 전개 될지 예측하는 것은 굉장히 어렵습니다만, 클라우드 컴퓨팅이 올해 말부터 시작해서 향후 5년간 굉장히 중요한 이슈가 될 것은 확실합니다. 만약 투자에 관심이 있으신 분들은 심각하게 고려해보시기 바랍니다. ( 농담이에요 ㅋㅋ )

방통위에서도 대한민국 클라우드 컴퓨팅 시장이 올해 1604억원에서 2014년 4985억원으로 늘어날 것으로 전망했다고 합니다. 더불어 전세계 클라우드 컴퓨팅 시장은 31조원에서 60원 규모로 커질 것으로 예측하고 있습니다.

삼성이 때 맞추어 클라우드 컴퓨팅 시장으로 뛰어 들고 있긴 하지만 애플이라는 거대한 적을 만나 잘 싸울지는 의문입니다. 끼워팔기 하지말고 자신들의 장점을 잘 활용해서 클라우드 시장에서도 앞서가기를 바랄 뿐입니다. ( 개인적으로는 삼성전자라는 이름보다는 자회사를 설립해서 다른 성격의 기업으로 키웠으면 좋겠습니다. )


  1. 이전 댓글 더보기
  2. BlogIcon B.C냥이 2011.06.09 00:34 신고

    @_@....저에게 있어서 IT의 세계는 멀고도 험하군요.;;

  3. BlogIcon 우리밀맘마 2011.06.09 07:44 신고

    요즘 전 삼성이 미워지고 있답니다. 제가 가진 가전제품 대부분이 삼성이었는데, 어느 새 삼성은 슬슬 왕따가 되고 있네요.

  4. BlogIcon 장화신은 메이나 2011.06.09 08:23 신고

    여기저기서 많이 들어보기만 했던 클라우드의 개념에 대해 조금 이해가 가네요.
    삼성과 애플의 차이도 극명히 드러나는군요^^ 앞으로 어떻게 될지 궁금해집니다~

  5. BlogIcon Kay~ 2011.06.09 09:29 신고

    스마트폰 다음으로 클라우드군요!
    아무래도 스마트폰이용에 클라우드는 매우 유용한것 같은데..
    업체가 많을 수록 소비자에게는 유리한것 같아요~~ ㅎ

  6. BlogIcon hwangdo 2011.06.09 09:54 신고

    좋은 글 잘 읽었습니다!!^^ 오늘도 좋은 하루 되세요~~^^

  7. BlogIcon 사랑퐁퐁 2011.06.09 10:07 신고

    잘은 모르지만 이제 웹하드회사는 어떻게 될지...
    어째든 스마트폰 가격이나 내려갔음 좋겠네요..'
    아이가 물고빨아서 아이폰이 고장났거든요..ㅠㅠ
    오늘도 좋은 하루 되세요^^

  8. BlogIcon 바닐라로맨스 2011.06.09 10:30 신고

    아무리 1등기업이라도 삼성의 한계는 전자제품 제조회사라는데 있는것같아요.

  9. BlogIcon 해우기 2011.06.09 20:29 신고

    음....
    지금 가지고 있는 핸드폰이 점점 상태가 안좋아져서....
    자판누르는것이 영 어렵네요..잘 안눌러지고...

    서서히 다음폰을 준비해야하는데...고민고민....

  10. BlogIcon Manning Elite Jersey 2013.02.05 13:18 신고

    --------------------------------------------------------
    非礼

    胸部不怎堋样的阿美下班回来,悻悻地说:
    「刚刚经过暗巷时,有一个男的突然从背後抱我,要非礼我。」
    弟弟:「难怪你这么生气...」
    阿美:「更气人的是,那男人说:
    『真扫兴,是个男的!』!」

    --------------------------------------------------------
    有这种事

    一名男子与医生的对话
    『医生,我和我太太都是黑发,为什么生下的小孩会是褐色头发呢?』
    『你们每天都作爱吗?』
    『不。』
    『每周作爱?』
    『也不。』
    『每月作爱吗?』
    『不是。』
    『半年一次?』
    『也不是。』
    『一年只有一次?』
    『差不多。』
    『这就对了,你的宝贝生锈了,所以小孩的头发才会是褐色的。』

    --------------------------------------------------------

    记号

    一个老女人饲养一对鹦鹉作伴, http://www.eshopfalcons.com/ Falcons Julio Jones Game Jersey,但她搞不清楚哪支是雄的?哪支是雌的?
    於是打电话向兽医求教。
    兽医建议道:
    『你只要观察一下它们的交配行为,骑在上面的就是雄鸟。然後,
    你在雄鸟的身上作记号,就不会弄混了。』
    第二天凌晨,她依照兽医的指示,当鹦鹉交配时,在雄鹦鹉的脖子上贴
    了白色胶布以示区别。
    当天下午,教会的牧师前来做客,当鹦鹉看见牧师袍上的白衣时,便
    大叫:『噢!我知道你干了什么好事,瞧你也被作记号了。』

    --------------------------------------------------------

    晚餐

    三个男人在饭店里聊天,其中一人说:『我刚打电话回家,说我一小时
    後会到家,这时,我太太就会把晚餐准备好了。』
    另一个人说:『我只要坐车回去,在站牌边打通电话,十五分钟後,晚
    餐就准备好了。』
    听完二人的谈话後,另一人说:『我根本不用打电话回去,只要下了车
    站,到便利商店买份晚餐,然後回家按门铃,立刻往後门走去,通常都
    可以用我的晚餐打到男人的。』

    --------------------------------------------------------

    会错意

    一对新人在教堂举行结婚典礼,到了互换戒指的时候,紧张过度的新郎
    竟然忘了这件事。
    牧师非常焦急的举起手指,做出套戒指的动作,并眨著眼睛暗示新郎。
    只见新郎胀红著脸,结巴地说:『牧师,那不是今晚洞房之夜才做的吗?』

    --------------------------------------------------------

    处女膜的声音

    第二天就要结婚的珠珠,担心地对嫂子说:
    『怎么办?他一直以为我还是个处女,明天的洞房之夜,他一定会发现
    我根本就不是个处女.......』
    『没关系,这个我有经验。』嫂子提供法宝说:『我会给好一个有金属
    扣的小钱包,明晚上床时,你将它放在屁股下面,单手握著,当他把他
    的宝贝放进你里面时,你就把金属扣扣上。他一定会问你这是什堋声音
    ?你就告诉他,这是处女膜破裂的声音。』
    洞房花烛夜,珠珠按照嫂子所说的方法办理,新郎果然叫道:
    『这是什么声音?』
    珠珠做害羞状地说:
    『这是我的处女膜破掉的声音。』
    『什么?快把你这该死的处女膜打开,它把我的宝贝蛋夹住了。』

    --------------------------------------------------------

    上帝造人

    刚上小学的儿子,向父亲提出一个问题。
    『爸爸,为什么上帝会先造男人,再造女人呢?』
    『也许他是不希望在造男人的时候,有一个女人在他耳边唠唠叨叨个不
    停吧!』

    --------------------------------------------------------

    等公车

    丈夫突然提早回家,看到老婆赤裸的躺在床上喘息,他心中生疑的打开
    衣橱的门,一个赤裸的男人提著公事包站在里面。
    『你在这里干什么?』丈夫厉声问道。
    男子颤抖著说:『如果我说在等公车,你会相信吗?』

    --------------------------------------------------------

    怨气难消

    法官望著被告说:『我是不是曾经见过你,你好像有些眼熟。』
    被告满怀希望地说:『是的!法官,您忘啦?二一年前,是我介绍尊夫
    人跟您认识的。』
    法官咬牙切齿地说:『判你二十年有期徒刑。』

    --------------------------------------------------------

    记录

    有个男子去拜访久没见面的夫妇朋友,夜里便留宿下来,与夫妇俩共睡
    一床。
    男子与这位太太情欲难忍,趁著丈夫熟睡之际,竟然在一旁作爱。每当
    二人翻云覆雨时,男子就会拔丈夫一根腿毛,以确定他是否熟睡,进行
    了五次时,这位丈夫生气地起身说:
    『你要和我老婆怎么搞都无所谓啦!但请不要拔我的腿毛做记录。』

    --------------------------------------------------------

    不怕老婆

    PTT(怕太太)大会里,一群惧内的丈夫们凑在一起,商讨如何重振大丈
    的雄风。
    突然,有人跑来说:
    『你们的老婆们听到消息,已经相约要过来找你们算帐了!』
    大夥儿一听,吓得四处窜逃,唯独一人若无其事的 坐在那里。大家都
    称赞这个人十分勇敢,居然不怕老婆,过了许久,靠近一看,原来这人
    已经《吓死》了。』

    --------------------------------------------------------

    温度计

    丈夫提早下班回家,看到自己的妻子与隔壁的医生正躺在床上。
    『你们这是在干什么?』
    『你别误会了,我是在尊夫人量体温。』医生急忙辩解。
    『哦!是吗?如果你插入我老婆身体的那个东西没有刻度的话,你就死
    定了。』

    --------------------------------------------------------

    皮衣

    搭电梯时,男人讶异地发现电梯里有个全身赤裸的女人。
    女人白了他一眼,骂道:
    『你看什么?有什么好看的!』
    『哦!我只是想说,我太太也有一件这样的皮衣。』

    --------------------------------------------------------

    处女膜的保证书

    新娘在结婚的前夕,与前任男友旧爱复燃,一时情欲焚身便上床,由於
    没有带保险套,就用包火腿的塑胶膜代替。作爱时胶膜脱落,留在新娘
    体内没有取出。
    结婚当天晚上,那片胶膜又黏在新郎的宝贝上,新郎惊异地问:
    『这是什么东西?』
    『是我的处女膜。』新娘故作娇差地说。
    『哦!我倒是第一次看到附有品质保证书的处女膜。』
    --------------------------------------------------------

    种猪

    有一个花花公子,死後下了地狱,罗王问他下辈子想要投胎做什么?
    『种猪!』花花公子回答。
    『为什堋?』 罗王不解地问。
    『因为不必花钱,就可以快活,多美妙啊!』

    --------------------------------------------------------

    心肝

    有一天早上在小明家里,小明的爸爸正在吃早餐,小明就走过去问爸爸
    说:「爸,心有脚吗?」;爸爸指了指心的位置说:「心在这里怎么会
    有脚呢?」;小明就回答说:「喔!」,接著小明就走进厨房问妈妈说
    :「妈,肝有脚吗?」;妈就指了指肝的位置说:「傻孩子,肝在这里
    怎么会有脚呢?」,小明又说了:「可是昨天晚上我明明听到
    ............心肝宝贝........把脚打开呀............

    --------------------------------------------------------

    近视

    一对男女在公园里面谈情。
    女:「你把眼镜脱下好吗,它弄痛了我的大腿.....」 过了几分钟。
    女:「你把眼镜带上好吗? 你亲的是椅子......」

    --------------------------------------------------------

    新婚趣事

    有一对新婚夫妻,早上老公要上班,出门前老婆问老公:
    『今天下班晚餐要吃什堋?』
    老公在老婆耳旁轻声的说:『吃你呀!』说完便出门上班去了。
    晚上老公下班回家,一开门就看到老婆赤裸裸的在客厅奔跑,
    老公不解的问:『老婆你在干什么?』
    『我在热菜呀!』

    --------------------------------------------------------

    付出代价

    一位提早下班的男人,回家後竟然发现他太太和一个
    陌生的男子在床上做爱,他愤怒的大声说:
    「你这个浑蛋,我会要你为此付出代价的。」
    「废话,」陌生男子回答:
    「进来时我就已经付过了,我才不会赖帐呢!」

    --------------------------------------------------------

    过海关

    外交部长胡志强以前常和焦仁和一起出国开会。
    有一次,两个人在过海关时,胡志强走在前,焦仁和在後。
    海关人员就先问胡志强:"姓胡吗?(幸福吗)"
    胡志强一听赶忙答道:"很美满!"
    轮到焦仁和时,海关人员又问焦仁和:"姓焦吗?"
    焦仁和想来想去,最後以很坚定的语气回答说:
    "大概一个月两次!"

    --------------------------------------------------------

    显微镜

    一天生物实验,观察自己的唾液细胞,用显微镜看并
    记录下来....正当大家兴高采烈地观察研究时,一声
    尖叫.......啊~~~~
    原来是美丽的助教所发出的....
    教授以为发生了什么事情,於是跑过来看,仔细看完她
    的显微镜後,他跟她说:
    『下次做完事,记得刷牙漱口!!! 』

    --------------------------------------------------------

    结婚周年日

    一天,小李因结婚九周年,决定给老婆一个surprise,
    所以他扮成了一个陌生男子并且带了一朵花要给他老婆。
    在它他按了门铃後,他老婆一开门就说:
    "快点进来,我老公还没回来。~~~~~ "

    --------------------------------------------------------

    算不算是有病

    弟弟的睾丸有3个,很想问哥哥这样算不算是有病,
    就暗示哥哥说:「哥哥,我们加起来共有5个」
    哥哥说:「阿~~!你只有1个呀!」

    --------------------------------------------------------

    不准乱开发

    妻:为什么你不让我去隆胸!
    夫:你难道不知道不可以在山坡地乱开发吗?

    --------------------------------------------------------
    应徵

    有规模狻大的公司应徵秘书,来了4位应徵者。
    於是老板出了个题目要她们回答。
    Q:女人有2个嘴巴,各有甚么不同?
    第一位想了想,回答:一个是横的,一个是直的。
    老板很满意。
    第二位说:一个有毛,一个没毛。
    老板想,也对。
    第三位想,糟了!原先想到的都被讲完了。
    只得硬掰:一个可以说话,一个不能说话。
    老板说:好。
    第四位可难了,想了半天,实在想不出还有甚么不同。
    最後灵机一动,说到:一个是我自己用的,另一个是给
    董事长您用的!!
    第四位得到了这份工作。

    --------------------------------------------------------

    还是处女

    一个女孩,到了天堂门口,守门员问:你是处女吗?
    她说:这当然!
    但是守门员检查她的处女膜时,却现了7个轻微的小洞。
    於是守门员问她叫名字。
    她答:我叫"白雪公主"

    --------------------------------------------------------

    一对夫妻参观农场,主人很骄傲的介绍一只冠军种牛.
    太太问:『它一礼拜交配几次?』
    农场主人说:『五.六次.』
    太太随即很鄙夷地对先生说:『你看!
    人家一个礼拜五.六次.』
    农场主人连忙替那位先生解危道:『
    当然,我们从不让它老是和同一只母牛交配.』

    --------------------------------------------------------
    一对狗男女激情过後,男的问:
    『我是你第几个男人?』
    女的望著天花板而不回答.
    过了一会,男的又问了一遍,并带歉意的说:
    『我知道这样问不太礼貌,但我实在很想知道.』
    女的显然不耐烦的样子:
    『别打岔,我还再算.』
    --------------------------------------------------------

    一位中年男子像医师求救:『我老婆一直抱怨我的性能力日趋减退.』
    医生说:『别担心,这瓶药可以重振你的雄风.』
    数天後,这名男子回来复诊,他对医生说:『太棒了!吃了你的药,
    现在我一天可以做爱三次.』
    医生说:『想来你老婆一定很满意了.』
    中年男子说:『不知道!从那时起我一直没回家』
    --------------------------------------------------------
    有位男子去找他的家庭医师,
    他问:『医生,我要结婚了,但我跟我女朋友都是第一次,
    你可以告诉我们该怎麽做吗?』

    医生是看著男子长大的,
    听到这个问题有点儿不自在
    於是看了外面一下然後说
    :『看那边,有看到公园的两只狗吗?
    看到它们在做什麽吗?回家照著做就没错了.』

    两个月後,他们又见面时,
    医生问:『性生活如何??
    男子回答说:『很好啊,只是在公园里做真的有点冷,而且还会有人偷看.』
    --------------------------------------------------------
    有三个男人..在天堂的入口相遇...一个天使就问啦...
    你们三个人是怎麽死的啊....
    第一个人就哭丧的说...那天我起床太晚了...
    就急忙下楼...衣服不整的教了一部计程车...可是好死不死的..
    天空就掉下来一台冰箱....於是我就翘翘了....呜....
    第二个就说啦....我那天出差...而提早回来想给老婆一个惊喜...
    没想到听到房间有男人的声音...我就很生气的走了进去..没想到
    没看到人..我就去窗外看了一下...呵呵..有个衣服不整的人急忙
    要叫计程车逃了...
    我就把冰箱给砸下去了....就被判刑枪弊了.....呜...
    第三个就说啦...我才冤咧....我正在和新泡上的妹妹温存....
    好死不死她老公回来了... 一时情急之下...我就躲到冰箱中....
    可是碰的一声...我啥也不知道...就来了....
    --------------------------------------------------------
    教授要医学院的学生列举人奶比牛奶好的五个理由,一个学生
    所写出的答案是:
    1.快
    2.清洁
    3.安全,猫吃不到
    4.旅行时携带方便
    5.容器美观
    1.不必怕冷掉
    2.饮用时,兼具心理治疗效果
    3.饮用时,兼备生理治疗效果
    4.使用优良免洗餐具
    5.因为人比牛好,所以人奶比牛奶好
    还可以保温!
    --------------------------------------------------------
    一间房子出租给多名男女,浴室只好共用,所以洗个澡都要排
    好久。某日夜里小吴从外头回来,想去洗澡,但刚好浴室里有
    名女子在洗。於是小吴问:「小姐,你下面有人洗吗?」那小
    姐听完却很生气的回答:「下面我会自己洗啦!无聊~~」
    --------------------------------------------------------
    这是国际卫生组职(WHO)的一份报告:WHO最近在全世界
    各国做一项医学研究,题目是:『男性阳具前的龟头功用是什麽?』
    俄国人用了一佰万美元和顶尖医学人员抢先提出答案:『龟头的
    功用是在使男人做爱时有更大的快感!』
    法国人也不落人後用了一佰万美元和顶尖医学人员抢先提出答案:
    『龟头的功用是在使女人做爱时有更大的快感!』
    最後波兰人只用了二?九五美元提出答案:『龟头的功用是在防
    止手掌滑落!』

    --------------------------------------------------------
    正名活动

    高雄爱河边的"神女"一日来到市议会要求给他们一个
    正式的职业名称...
    议员::你们打算用什麽称号勒??神女不好吗??
    妓女::不是不好啦..我们是要更正式的name...
    议员::那你们要用  ??
    妓女::我们要用新的名称---->>妓者..
    此时原本在旁的记者们勃然大怒...
    记者::怎麽可以勒...这样不是混淆视听????
    此时妓女们大声说道.....
    怎麽不可以勒??你们记者是"服务业"..我们也是..
    你们是"欢迎来稿"...我们也是欢迎来”搞呀!!

    --------------------------------------------------------
    新命名法

    有一天,一个印地安小孩问他爸爸说:"dad,我的名字怎麽来的?"父亲
    回答说:"我们族人命名都是以小孩子刚出生时,父亲看到的第一见事物来
    命名的"像你哥哥,他刚出生时,我一出门就见到了青山,所以他叫Blue-mountain
    像你姊姊,她刚出生时,我一出门就见到鸟在飞,所以他叫Bird-flying.这就是
    我们族人命名的方式.

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    Chip Saban, the actual undisputed emperor associated with university soccer, offers every thing he or she might actually would like within Tuscaloosa: 3 nationwide game titles within 4 months; an excellent chance from a different one annually through right now; the very best gamers; absolutely no static through anybody, such as the browbeaten reporters that include him or her; as well as the world the kiss their ft.

    Therefore it is no real surprise which i believe Saban, in whose title offers normally show up within discussions amongst a few NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE groups doing training queries, ought to remain in Tuscaloosa.


    Chip Saban is actually dunked along with Gatorade within the last mere seconds from the BCS name online game conquer Notre Dame. (AP)Yet there is an additional, much more persuasive cause Saban ought to stay with the school online game: He is an excessive amount of a tough bum — as well as an excessive amount of the light-weight — in order to endure within the large leagues.

    Just like Accident Davis, he is much more suitable for becoming the actual full from the children.

    Following training The state of alabama to some 42-14 triumph within Mon nights BCS name online game, Saban informed reporters he is staying in the college, stating, "Maybe this really is exactly where We fit in, as well as I am truly pleased as well as from serenity with this. inch

    On the other hand, this is actually the exact same guy that announced within Dec associated with 2006, "I speculate I must state this: I am not really likely to function as the The state of alabama trainer. inch

    Under fourteen days later on, he or she remaining the actual Ohio Dolphins being the actual The state of alabama trainer. Therefore excuse me personally basically do not think about their term more powerful compared to walnut.

    This isn't to express which i don't agree along with Saban's sensibilities: University soccer is actually exactly where he or she goes. When you're this intractable, humorless manage fanatic that you simply respond to the group worker commenting benignly on your own haircut through giving the decree which staffers beyond soccer procedures can't talk to a person within the hallways, because Saban evidently do throughout their two-year stint using the Dolphins, it is a clear-cut indication which expert soccer isn't for you personally.

    [More: ESPN apologizes for announcer's fawning over AJ McCarron's girlfriend]

    Saban may be the most detrimental type of bully, a good autocrat therefore eaten together with his energy — as well as producing the folks below him or her believe energy, from each and every chance — which their ill-tempered low self-esteem supersedes everything else. The low degree the actual worker, the larger the chance which Saban might draw an electrical journey. Indeed, he or she had been an excellent employer.

    You will get aside with this boorish conduct inside a university city exactly where every thing orbits round the university's soccer plan, as well as where one can head of the family your own expert more than gamers in whose scholarship grants as well as NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE futures suspend within the stability. Producing dissent actually not as likely may be the actuality how the teenagers a person trainer period with the plan each and every three-to-five many years, as well as just end up being close to a person for any restricted, NCAA-mandated quantity of several hours each week.

    Within the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE, exactly where up-front cash as well as salary-cap issues ensure gamers hard in order to reduce or even industry as well as exactly where experienced management is important with regard to locker-room balance, Saban's design is definitely an obstacle in order to continual achievement.

    He or she additionally invested a good inordinate period of time obsessing within the press protection associated with their group — as well as attempting to manage this. Unfortunately, within the 6 many years because he is already been eliminated, the interest compensated towards the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE offers increased hugely. Viewing Saban attempt to manage their players' Tweets company accounts on it's own will be higher humor.


    Chip Saban argues having a mind linesman whilst using the Dolphins within 2006. (UNITED STATES These days Sports activities Pictures) He or she is a great sufficient trainer, particularly about the protective aspect from the golf ball, he was not an entire catastrophe within Ohio, heading 15-17 prior to laying such as Steve Edwards as well as fleeing such as Saddam Hussein. Like a innovator, Saban had been overmatched, as well as he or she understood this. And when the actual 61-year-old trainer had been to come back towards the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE right now, In my opinion he would fall short totally. To begin with, their status might precede him or her within category groups — which wouldn't be considered a good improvement.

    We had been reminded associated with Saban's unpopular NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE previous final Sunday whilst taking pleasure in a few Chinese language meals along with Baltimore Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo in a Towson, Maryland., cafe. Ayanbadejo, the considerate experienced that has performed for any wholesome range associated with mind instructors throughout their 14-year expert profession, remembered becoming summoned in order to Saban's workplace within 2005 following understanding he would already been exchanged towards the Chi town Has.

    Whenever Saban requested him or her in the event that he'd something to express prior to he or she deceased, Ayanbadejo responded, "You're a great trainer. You need to commit additional time in order to training as well as much less time for you to as being a cool. inch

    Ayanbadejo remembered throughout the discussion most of the notorious occurrences which happened throughout Saban's period, a number of that have been recorded adroitly through Southern Sarasota Sunlight Sentinel columnist Dork Hyde final Sunday.

    There is time Saban walked on the convulsing participant, heat-stricken safeguard Jeno Wayne, because he or she created their method via a thin passageway, invoking the contentious group conference. There have been the actual regular chewing-out periods — associated with helper instructors, group staffers as well as gamers — and also the period whenever experienced linebacker Zach Jones screamed back again, getting a much more adored determine within the service.

    As well as there is actually a good anecdote, through Ayanbadejo, regarding Saban attempting to frighten experienced linebacker Jr . Seau. Provided my personal love for that past due, excellent as well as hugely well-liked long term Corridor associated with Famer — that, in order to their credit score, chuckled away Saban's make an effort to maintain him or her through training without having cleats — you are able to speculate generate an income experienced about this event.

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    I'd a few additional discussions upon Wednesday along with ex-Dolphins gamers that rekindled individuals comfortable as well as fluffy reminiscences. 1 tale was away: A few days in to their very first instruction camping using the group, Saban fulfilled using the Dolphins' 10-player management local authority or council, several important veterans typical to a lot of NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE groups.

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    The actual gamers informed Saban they decided together with his challenging method of exercise, they made welcome the actual effort and also the insistence they proceed the additional kilometer. They'd only one ask for: Throughout the five-minute warm-up time period in the beginning associated with exercise, because they extended among the actual Southern Sarasota warmth as well as moisture, these people favored to get rid of their own helmets.

    Saban nodded as well as informed all of them he or she recognized their own reason. Although he or she did not particularly give this, he or she offered the actual unique impact which helmets might no more be expected throughout warm-ups.

    Remembered 1 participant who had been about the local authority or council: "The following early morning, Jr . Seau began extending with no headgear, as well as Saban leaped him or her: 'What the actual [expletive] have you been performing together with your headgear away? All of us put on helmets from exercise! a Next, the entire leadership-council point had been type of a tale. inch


    Chip Saban hoists their 4th university nationwide tournament trophy. (AP) This isn't in order to claim that rigid, challenging instructors tend to be not capable of successful large within the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE. The actual Lombardi Trophy is known as following a no-nonsense authoritarian, and also the present trainer that has gathered 3 of these — Saban's great pal Expenses Belichick — is not precisely recognized with regard to their peppy, egalitarian management design.

    Nevertheless, Belichick is actually much more flexible as well as aware associated with what is genuinely essential compared to Saban. He or she discovered through their very first NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE training encounter, the irritating four-year stint using the Cleveland Browns, as well as created the keener feeling associated with whenever to place their feet lower (or even in to a good employee's nether area) so when to help ease from the gasoline your pedal.

    Because a lot of associated with Belichick's unsuccessful disciples have discovered the actual difficult method — indeed, Josh McDaniels, Eric Mangini as well as Scott Pioli, I am speaking with a person — which emulating the actual masters nuanced method of managing a business is not simple. Belichick could be crass, as well as he or she is likely to not consider any kind of garbage, however a great deal associated with highly regarded veterans (such as Seau, with regard to exactly what it is really worth) possess genuinely loved actively playing for that Patriots throughout their period.

    Likewise, Ben Coughlin eased back again upon their dictatorial sensibilities prior to leading the actual Titans in order to a set of Extremely Dish game titles. He is nevertheless not even close to calm, however he or she instructions much more regard inside their business compared to Saban actually do using the Dolphins.

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    妈就让他吃了,因为她想使老人家高兴。
    约翰过7岁生日的前几天的一个晚上,他上床睡觉前在他卧室里玩玩具。“上帝,”他
    高声喊道,“请让他们在星期六我过生日时给我一大盒巧克力吧。”
    他的妈妈正在厨房里,听见这个孩子在喊叫,立刻来到他的卧室。“你为什么叫喊,约
    翰?”她向儿子问道。“你只要轻轻地说,上帝就能听到。”
    “我知道,可是爷爷在隔壁,他却听不到。”

    名 言 女教师在课堂里提问:“‘不自由,毋宁死’,这句话是谁说的?知道的人请举手。”
    教室里鸦雀无声,没有一个人举手。女教师很失望。这时,有人用不熟练的英语答道:
    “1775年,巴特利克·亨利说的。”
    “对,同学们,刚才回答的是日本学生,你们生长在美国却回答不出,而来自遥远的日
    本的学生能回答,多么可怜哟!”
    这时,从教室内传出来一声怪叫:“把日本人干掉!”女教师不由得生起气来,大声
    说:“谁?这话是谁说的?!”沉默了一会,教室的一角有人答道:“1945年,杜鲁门总
    统说的。”

    象 皮 “孩子们,你们可曾看见过象的皮吗?”
    “我见过的,先生。”威廉敏捷而愉快地说。
    “在什么地方见过?”
    “象的身上。”

    妙 答 爸爸问小查利:“什么东西有2个脑袋,6条腿,1根尾巴?”
    “骑在马背上的一个人。”


    自小能干 医生的6岁女儿打开了门。“大夫在家吗?”女客人问道。
    “不在,太太,他在做手术,摘除阑尾炎。”
    “真想不到,你竟能说出这么复杂的词。你甚至知道这是什么意思吧?”
    “当然,太太。这意味着1000美元,还不包括麻醉。”

    资金全部冻结了 我们的儿子哈利今年10岁。他有一个存钱盒,放在衣柜的抽屉里。我和妻子需要零钱
    时,就从他的钱盒里掏,并留下一张借条。哈利显然不喜欢这种做法。一天,有人交给我一
    张钱数不多的支票。我跑进儿子的卧室,找到钱盒。但里面只有一张小纸片,上面写着:
    “亲爱的妈妈,亲爱的爸爸,我的钱在冰箱里,我希望你们明白,我所有的资金全部冻结
    了。”


    一个简单的问题 布莱恩是一位自由作家,大部分时间在家用快速打字机写作。一天,她正要高兴地打完
    最后一行字时,4岁的女儿开始不断地问这问那:“妈妈,谁作的漫画?”
    布莱恩抬头看一看电视,发现正按时播放动画片,便脱口而说:“汉娜—巴巴拉。”说
    着,她试图重新集中思想打完这最后一行。
    “谁是汉娜—巴巴拉?”孩子惊奇地问道。
    “是某个人,”母亲喃喃说着,改正了一个打印错误。
    “这个人是谁生的?”
    “上帝生的!”母亲咆哮道,并不得不停下手。
    “但是,妈咪,”她继续问下去,“谁生上帝?”
    布莱恩终于忍耐不住了,大叫道:“卡莉,出去玩,别捣乱!”
    “这是为什么,”女儿耸耸肩,“我只问了一个简单的问题。”

    斑 马 小约翰同爸爸一起来到动物园。他们看见了好多的斑马。“爸爸,”他问,“斑马究竟
    是算全身黄色带有黑色条纹的动物,还是全身黑色带有黄色条纹的动物呢?”

    尼 克 尼克:“天气怎么这么冷?”
    爸爸:“因为现在是冬天,冬天总是冷的。”
    尼克:“为什么?”
    爸爸不耐烦地说:“尼克,尼克,我小的时候,从来没有问我的爸爸这么多问题。”
    尼克:“啊!这就难怪你不懂得回答我的问题了。”

    晚上在哪儿休息 “地球老是绕着太阳转,是真的吗?”儿子问爸爸。
    “当然是真的,不然我们怎么能天天看到太阳呢!”
    “这我懂,我不懂的是地球晚上停在什么地方。”


    寻 母 汤姆问警察:“对不起,你可曾遇到一位遗失了像我这样的孩子的女士?”

    洞 安:“你的袜子上有洞吗?”
    卡勒:“没有。”
    安:“那么,你是怎么把脚伸进去的呢?”


    爱哭的小弟弟 “为什么你的小弟弟总是整天哭个不停?”一个小朋友问另一个小朋友。
    “这有什么奇怪的呢?要是你也没有牙齿,没有头发,又不会走路,不会讲话,连大小
    便都要人家帮忙,你也会整天哭个不停的。”

    不能去 “吉米,你为什么不到屋里去和别的孩子们一道玩?”
    “我不能去。我正在扮演胎儿,还没有生下来呢!”

    上和下 问:“爬高山与吞药片有什么不同之处?”
    答:“一个是太难上,一个是太难下。”

    下不来了 老师:“伊凡诺夫,请你回答,什么东西上升后就下不来了?”
    学生:“物价。老师!”

    父母的工作 朋友是小儿科医生,他的妻子是助产士。同学问他们的儿子:“你父母是做什么工作
    的?”
    儿子回答:“妈生产孩子,爸修理孩子。”

    信鸽和马 老师问:“你们说信鸽和马哪个快?”
    小莫里茨回答:“如果是奔跑的话,马快。”

    什么叫动物园 “哥哥,你说什么叫动物园呀?”
    “动物园就是有动物,但又不让打猎的地方。”

    训 斥 乌太郎正在挨爸爸的训斥。眼看他的身子越缩越小,最后把头挨到了铺席上。他的一群
    朋友从窗子外边看见了。后来,朋友们笑话他说:“喂,你每次挨训的时候都那样吗?不管
    怎么说,也用不着那么毕恭毕敬啊。”
    听到这里,乌太郎说:“你们知道个啥,我那么匍匐着身子,是让爸爸的说教从头顶上
    溜过去呀!”


    什么更重 人们问一个男孩,一公斤铅和一公斤羽毛,哪个更重,男孩毫不犹豫地回答,一公斤铅
    重。人们立刻向他解释,他错了,两个一般重,可是男孩仍然坚持他的看法。
    “为了证明这一点,”他说,“我到阳台上,从那里先往您的头上扔一公斤羽毛,然后
    再扔一公斤铅。咱们瞧瞧,到那时您怎么说。”

    他不是一朵玫瑰花 “汤姆你回家告诉爸爸妈妈,应该好好地给小费嘉洗洗澡。全班没有一个同学愿意同他
    坐在一起!没有一个人忍受得了!”
    “老师,这关你什么事?我弟弟到您这里来,是为了学习,而不是来让您闻的。他又不
    是一朵玫瑰花!”


    集邮的好处 妈妈向来客夸耀说:“集邮真能增加知识,不信,请你听听我的小儿子怎样回答我的问
    题。”她向正在摆弄邮票的小儿子问:“埃里克,你说匈牙利在什么地方?”
    “在意大利前两页。”埃里克满有把握地说。

    新邻居一定很穷 谢里:“我们的新邻居一定很穷。”
    卡伦:“你怎么知道的?”
    谢里:“你要是看见他们的小孩吞下一个便士后他们那个焦急劲就知道了。”


    担 心 “勃拉温先生!勃拉温先生!”邻居生气地喊着,“你的3个捣蛋鬼爬上我果园里的苹
    果树了。”
    “呵!我的上帝,我的老四没在那里吗?”

    用心听课的学生 女老师竭力向孩子们证明,学习好功课的重要性。
    她说:“牛顿坐在树下,眼睛盯着树在思考。这时,有一个苹果落到他的头上,于是他
    发现了万有引力定律。孩子们,你们想想看,做一位伟大的科学家多么好,多么神气啊!要
    想做到这一点,就必须好好学习。”
    班上一个调皮鬼对此并不满意。他说:“兴许是这样。可是,假如他坐在学校里,埋头
    书本,那他就什么也发现不了啦!”

    慢一点好 一次,卡尔和乌勒一同骑车出去玩。突然,卡尔惊叫起来:“哎呀!已经8点钟了!我
    们得赶快回家了。”“不,慢一点,”乌勒说,“如果现在回家的话,一定会遭到大人们的
    痛骂,说我们回去太迟了;而如果等到10点才回家的话,他们则会拥抱我们,为我们终于
    安全到家而高兴。”

    门牙没有丢 母亲:“吉米,你又打架了。我看你丢了两颗门牙。”
    吉米:“妈妈,我没有丢。我把门牙放在口袋里了。”

    皇上常说的话 老师:“我们皇上常常说:‘我没时间感到疲倦。’莫里茨,你重复一遍,皇上常常喜
    欢说什么?”
    莫里茨:“皇上常常说:‘我没时间,我已疲倦。’”

    无暇捣蛋 米沙放学回家后,妈妈问他:“亲爱的,今天是你第一天上学,想必你很守规矩,没吵
    架,没捣蛋,是不是?”
    “那当然,老师罚我一直面对墙站着,哪有空捣蛋呀?”

    放唱片 小玛茜在床上咿咿呀呀地唱歌,奇怪的是她一会儿仰面躺着,一会儿俯身趴着,循环往
    复。
    母亲很不解地问:“玛茜,你怎么啦?”
    玛茜回答:“妈妈,我在放唱片呢!”

    我只用一只眼睛看 “电影票多少钱一张?”
    “10个戈比,孩子。”
    “我只带了5个戈比。放我进去吧,我用一只眼睛看好了!”

    算鸡蛋 老师:“有个农夫养了5只鸡,每天能得到5个鸡蛋,算一算,他一星期能得多少鸡蛋?”
    学生:“老师,他的母鸡星期天休息吗?”

    巧 合 课堂上,老师问:“谁能举出一例惊人的巧合来?”“我,”米什科举起手说,“我爸
    爸的婚礼和我妈妈的婚礼恰好在同一天举行。”

    五百只鸭子 男老师对吵闹不休的女学生说:“两个女人就能顶1000只鸭子。”
    不久,老师的夫人来找老师,一个女学生赶忙去找那位男老师:“老师,楼下有500只
    鸭子找您!”

    好孩子 法朗士从学校里回来说:“妈妈,今天在校园里有一个孩子掉到水坑里去了。所有的孩
    子都笑了,只有我没笑。”“你做得对,法朗士,”妈妈说,“你真是个好孩子。那么是谁
    掉进水坑里的呢?”
    “是我……”

    不能空腹吃两个苹果 “吉米,我敢打赌,你不能空腹吃两个苹果。”小丘克说。
    “这有什么难?”吉米回答道,同时吃了一口苹果。
    “现在你不能再空腹吃第二个了,因为你已经吃了点东西。”

    调皮的维嘉 维嘉同爸爸一起在街上散步。在路上遇见了爸爸的同事,同事递给了维嘉一只大红苹果。
    “接受了叔叔的东西应该对叔叔说什么?”爸爸问。
    “谢谢,再给一个!”维嘉答。


    骑自行车 爸爸妈妈给小儿子买了部小自行车,得意地看着他绕着房子转,骑得很高兴。
    绕第一圈时,他喊:“妈妈,瞧,我不用手也能骑。”
    绕第二圈时,他又喊,“妈妈,看,我不用脚。”
    绕第三圈时,他向妈妈报告的是:“妈妈,看,我的牙齿没啦。”

    可怜的老先生 一天,一位老先生沿街缓慢地行走,看见一个小男孩正要拉一个门铃,但门铃太高,他
    够不到,老先生心地善良,他停下步子对孩子说:“我来给你打铃吧。”然后他使劲儿打
    铃,整个房子里的人都听到了铃声。
    那个孩子对老先生说:“现在咱们走吧,快!”
    老先生:……”

    上帝不多嘴多舌 牧师院子里有一颗苹果树,男孩子们经常到那里偷苹果。牧师认为发生偷窃的次数太多
    了。他想唤起孩子们的良知,因此在树上挂了块牌子,上面写着:“上帝看见你们了。”
    第二天他去看看牌子是不是起了作用,这时他发现牌子上用典型的小孩字体写着:“但
    是上帝不多嘴多舌。”

    数 数 ——“哎呀,你的手指怎么了?”
    ——“我想数数狗有几颗牙,把手伸到狗嘴里去了。”
    ——“狗咬你了,是吗?”
    ——“是啊,它大概也想数数我有几个指头吧,真没办法。”

    得胜者 汤姆:“约翰尼,你弟弟怎么啦?”
    约翰尼:“他受伤了。”
    汤姆:“真糟糕!是怎么受伤的?”
    约翰尼:“我们做游戏,看谁把身子向窗外探得更远,他胜了。”

    当今的孩子 史密斯一家马上就要添丁加口了,因此他们的10岁的女儿玛加列特被送到奶奶家,而
    12岁的汤米留在家里。过了几天,爸爸下来对汤米说,天使给他带来了一个可爱的小弟
    弟。“给你1美元,”爸爸说,“去给妹妹发一份电报,把这事告诉她。”
    汤米去邮局发了一份电报,内容是这样的:“你赢了,是男孩。”

    月亮的直径 初一晚上,爸爸考问儿子:“你说,月亮的直径有多大?”
    儿子答道:“1738公里。”
    “不对,”爸爸纠正说,“我给你讲过,是3476公里。”“但是,”儿子辩解说,
    “爸爸你忘了,今天的月亮只有一半呀!”

    跌 跤 汤姆重重地跌了一跤,满身泥泞回到家里。
    “你这淘气鬼!”他母亲惊叫道,“你怎么搞的,穿着这样好的裤子摔跤了?”
    “原谅我,妈妈,我跌跤的时候来不及把裤子脱下来!”

    手表已洗了 爸爸“见鬼!我的表怎么不走了?”
    妈妈:“也许该送钟表店洗洗了。”
    小尼古尔:“不用了,今天早上我把它打开,放在脸盆里,用刷子把它刷得干干净净
    了。”

    多出了十几件 “爸爸,我把电视机拆散了又重新装好,是想看看里面的构造。”
    “谢天谢地,你没有弄丢零件吧?”
    “没有,还多出了十几件呢。”

    找水洼 “维克多,你为什么要穿雨鞋呢?街上一点都不湿,既没有水洼,也没有烂泥。”
    “没关系,我会找到的。”

    太 挤 卡尔因为太淘气被留校了。后来女教师让他回家。守大门的看见时问他是否又被留校了。
    “没有,没有,”卡尔回答。“我嫌刚下课时出校门太挤。”

    墨水很贵吗 “墨水很贵吗?爸爸。”
    “不,你为什么认为很贵呢?”
    “因为我把墨水倒在了地毯上,妈妈发了很大的火。”

    吹声哨帽子来 尼克和父亲坐火车外出,在车上不时把头伸出窗外。父亲多次要他不要把头伸出去,尼
    克不听。这时,父亲迅速摘掉尼克的帽子,藏在身后:“看,不听话帽子飞了。”尼克害怕
    得哭了。父亲说:“好吧,吹声口哨,帽子会回来。”尼克吹了声口哨,父亲迅速把帽子戴
    上。
    “哎呀,这太妙了!”尼克快活地说着,一把摘下父亲的帽子扔出窗外。“现在该您吹
    口哨了,爸爸。”


    不关你的事 3岁的巴甫利克吃完甜食后,随便擦了擦脸。一会儿,讨厌的苍蝇便围着他飞来飞去
    了。开始他用小手赶,然后生气地说:“苍蝇,这不关你的事。”

    无知的学监 一位学监作例行巡视,来到一所农村学校。在仔细询问之后,他站起身来,环顾四周,
    说:“我是多么想成为一个小孩子,重新上学啊!”停了片刻,为了加深印象,他又补充说
    道:“你们知道为什么我想这样做吗?”
    沉默了片刻之后,一个小女孩举手回答:“因为您忘记了您过去所知道的一切。”

    太可怕了 女教师给一年级的学生讲,人死了以后都烧成灰,然后就跟普通的灰尘一样了。“噢,
    太可怕了!”英格叫了起来,“这么说来肯定有人死在我的床底下了!”

    孩子的直爽 在吃晚饭的时候,小叶琳娜谢绝了第二份冰激凌,说得很有礼貌,但很惋惜:“不要
    啦,谢谢!”
    “别坚持了,再来点儿。”女主人劝她。
    “妈妈要我回答‘不要啦,谢谢!’”女孩天真地回答,“可是她大概没有料到,第一
    份竟然那么少。”

    妙 法 父:“孩子,碰到眼镜蛇时,该怎么办?”
    子:“先把它的眼镜打破再逃生。”

    借打气筒 邻居常借我家打气筒用。一天,4岁的女儿珍妮突然对我说:“爸爸,把咱家打气筒里
    的气用光了可怎么办呢?”

    珍 视 诗人:“夫人,我的诗歌集子您收到了吧?”
    夫人:“哦,收到了。写得好极了。可我忘记放在哪儿了。
    我很珍视它。”
    她的小儿子:“在桌子脚下面,妈妈。你用它垫桌子啦!”

    兽中之王 “同学们,谁是兽中之王?”教师问。
    “动物园园长。”小约翰尼回答。

    汽车幼儿园 孩子跟着父亲走进停满小轿车的车库。他对父亲说:“爸爸,这里一定是汽车幼儿园
    吧?”

    不能和你结婚 小男孩克里斯朵夫问和他一起玩耍的小女孩凯蒂:“等你长大了,愿意和我结婚吗?”
    “哎呀,不行。”凯蒂说,“我挺爱你,可不能和你结婚。因为在我们家里,只有自己
    家的人才结婚。比如,爸爸娶了妈妈,奶奶嫁给爷爷,叔叔和婶婶结的婚,都是这样的。”

    脑袋上的毛 有一天,中午过后,父亲坐在自己的书房里,吃力地埋头写即将要做的报告。这时从花
    园传来了儿子的高叫声。
    “爸爸,爸爸,往窗户外看一看!”
    “多么讨厌的孩子,”他丢下报告,埋怨说。
    “哈里,你要什么?”他从窗户探出头喊道。
    “什么都不要,爸爸,”小儿子回答说,“汤米·帕尔金斯不相信我说你脑袋上一根毛
    也没有。”

    笑与哭 有个人带着6岁的小女儿去朋友家赴宴,席上,他妙趣横生的话逗得宾客们个个捧腹大
    笑。不料,他的女儿却哭了起来。主人忙问缘故,她抹着眼泪说:“我不喜欢这么多人笑我
    爸爸。”

    小狗没钱 “妈妈,小狗为什么要喝水沟里的水?”
    “它渴了。”
    “哦,我知道了,小狗没有钱去买可乐!”

    怎么发现的 贝蒂:“妈妈是怎么发现你没有洗澡的?”
    贝莉:“我忘了把肥皂弄湿了。”

    快关窗 小若米已经3岁了。一天他正在窗口观望,夜幕降临了,突然他喊道:“妈妈,妈妈,
    快来关窗呀!”
    “这是为什么?孩子,天不冷呀。”
    “是的,妈妈,但黑夜会进来的。”

    找姐姐 “维佳叔叔,为什么您经常找我姐姐?您没有自己的姐姐吗?”

    漂亮的起重机 3岁的安德留沙在动物园中看见了长颈鹿,他赞叹地说:
    “多么漂亮的起重机!”

    腿多一倍 威利:“你的小弟几岁了?”
    藏尼:“1岁。”
    威利:“啊!我有条狗也是1岁,他走起路来,能比你的弟弟快一倍。”
    藏尼:“不要忘记,你的狗比我弟弟多了一倍的腿。”

    小约翰看病 医生对小约翰说:“别担心,我小时候也生过你这样的病,现在不是活得好好的么!”
    “对不起”,小约翰怯生生地说,“能不能把你小时候的医生介绍给我?”

    吃 药 米佳不愿意吃药,妈妈吓唬他说:“快点吃下去吧,要不我就去叫警察来了。”
    米佳:“妈妈,是警察喜欢吃药吗?”

    变成小点 小威利对飞机简直入了迷,只要他听到有飞机飞过,总要跑出去观看,直到飞机在远方
    变成一个小点为止。
    终于他也有一个机会第一次乘飞机旅行。当时,他十分激动,两眼圆睁。大约起飞10
    分钟后,他急切地问母亲:
    “我们什么时候变成一个小点,妈妈?”

    拍 片 5岁的维佳第一次到X光室。
    “站到这儿来,”医生对他说,“现在给你拍张片子。”
    这时维佳问道:“还用笑吗?”

    牛 一个小男孩同父亲在路上散步,迎面跑过来一头牛。“别怕,”父亲说,“这是牛,你
    不是还常吃它的肉吗?”
    “是的,可这头牛还没煮熟呀。”

    看孔雀 在动物园里,小阿辽沙望着开屏的孔雀对妈妈说:“妈妈,快看,母鸡开花了。”

    同 情 别佳站在正在写生的画家的背后看了半天,然后问:“叔叔,你一定很穷吧?这样多费
    劲呵!干吗不买台照相机呢?”

    捉耗子 ——妈妈,可恶的耗子掉进咱们装满牛奶的奶桶了。
    ——哎呀!你把它拖出来了吗?
    ——没有,但是我把咱们家的猫扔进去了。

    洗 手 幼儿园的老师同孩子们聊天:“告诉我,孩子们,你们谁知道,为什么饭前必须洗手?”
    一个小男孩回答:“为了不弄脏勺子。”

    三胞胎 巴来克先生家的花猫生了5只小猫。由于家里小猫已经太多,父亲巴来克只好淹死了3
    只。不巧被5岁的贝比切克看见了。
    没过多久,贝比切克的母亲一胎生了3个孩子,父亲叫贝比切克来看看他的弟妹。他看
    了一会儿,若有所思地问道:
    “爸爸,3个娃娃都好看。你打算淹死哪一个?”

    没事儿 瓦夏看见他的小妹妹正用双手捧起水洼里的水放进嘴里。
    “妹妹!快放下!”瓦夏喊了起来,“这里的水不能喝。你不知道水里会有许多细菌
    吗?”
    “没事儿,你没看见刚刚开过的一辆汽车,早把细菌轧死了。”

    自 责 6岁的杰克问妈妈:“这是真的吗?我出生的时候正好是在半夜里。”
    “是的,孩子。”
    “真是的,我干嘛非要半夜里把您叫醒呢!”

    找维生素 4岁的弗拉吉米尔在西红柿上挖了个洞,她用勺子搅了半天,突然哭了起来。
    “孩子,怎么了?为什么哭呢?”妈妈问。
    “你们都说西红柿里有维生素,可我怎么就找不着呢?”

    忍 耐 小汤姆:“我姐姐练钢琴,我妹妹练小提琴,我们家颇有艺术气息吧?”
    小狄克:“那你练习什么?”
    小汤姆:“练习忍耐的功夫。”

    委 屈 教师要两个不守纪律的孩子在放学后留下来,把自己的名字写100遍。一个孩子写完早
    就回家了,另一个仍在写着。
    她问道:“究竟是怎么回事?”
    孩子呜咽着回答:“这实在不公平!他的名字叫汉斯·弗兰克,而我却叫默罕默德·阿
    里·扎卢丁·炳·哈吉·易卜拉西姆·阿卜杜尔·拉吉德。”


    恍然大悟 丈夫打电话来,说今晚有应酬,不能回家吃饭了。儿子问:“妈妈,什么是应酬?”
    我向儿子解释:“不想去,但是又不得不去,就叫作应酬。”儿子恍然大悟。第二天早
    上他要上学了,向我说:“妈妈,我要去应酬了。”

    不逃学的一天 老师:“汤姆,你从星期一到星期天,每天都逃学,哪一天你才喜欢学校,不逃学呢?”
    汤姆:“星期天!”

    虚 伪 教师:“卡尔,你能给我说说什么样的人是虚伪的吗?”
    卡尔:“哦,老师,早晨一个面带笑容来上学的学生。”


    肚子爆炸 一个男孩吃了很多饼干,还想再吃。父亲对他说:“快别吃了,再这样吃下去,你的肚
    子会爆炸的。”
    男孩说:“不要紧。我再吃时,你可以躲开。”

    吃苹果 很晚了,4岁的弗兰茨躺在床上要妈妈给他削苹果吃。
    ——“太迟了,孩子,苹果已经睡觉了。”
    ——“不会的,妈妈。小苹果可能睡了,大苹果一定没睡。”

    正好留给您 一天,华盖尔先生带领小汤姆到餐厅用餐,服务员端来两块猪排,汤姆立即拣了一块大
    的放在自己的盘子里。
    华盖尔先生见了很不高兴,说:“你怎么这样不礼貌?”
    “那如果让您先拣,您挑哪一块?”汤姆问。
    “当然是小的。”
    “那不是正好吗,小的那块我正好给您留下了。”

    偷喝了酒 妈妈:“你今天又偷喝爸爸的酒了吧?”
    东尼:“没有呀!”
    妈妈:“那为什么衣服上有酒味?”
    东尼:“不可能,我喝酒时一点也没有洒在衣服上。”

    演大狗熊 “爸爸,我来演马戏团的大狗熊吧!”
    “那我干什么呢?”
    “您来演那个陪狗熊的叔叔,不断地把好吃的塞到它的嘴里。”

    牙 痛 克劳斯牙齿痛。父亲说:“你不要吃那么多糖了。糖吃多了就会牙痛。”
    “这不可能。”克劳斯说,“吃糖的时候,我用全部牙齿,现在痛的只是一只牙齿。”

    斋 戒 父亲对6岁的儿子说:“今天是四旬斋,你应该放弃一些你自己平时喜爱的东西,譬如
    说糖果什么的。”
    “那你放弃什么呢?”儿子问。
    “我和你妈妈放弃喝酒。”
    “可是晚餐前你们都喝了些呀!”
    “那是软性的雪莉酒,我们放弃的是……”
    儿子打断父亲的话,抢着说:“那我放弃硬糖!”

    圣徒的回答 做完礼拜,兄弟姐妹们时常说服父亲买苏打水和奶油冰糕。可是有个星期天父亲反对
    说:“哪里说过在礼拜之后小娃娃们定要得到一些吃的和喝的东西?”
    “《圣经》里,”姐姐答道,“它说,‘降福给那些追随公正而饥渴的人们。’”

    沙姆吃蛋糕 妈妈:“沙姆,餐厅里今天早晨还有两块蛋糕,怎么现在只剩下一块了?”
    沙姆:“我怎么知道呢?餐柜那么高,又那么黑,我找来找去也只找到一块。”

    惩 罚 5岁的马克辛向妈妈告状:“我们的小狗把我的皮鞋咬破了。”
    “要狠狠地惩罚它一下。”母亲回答说。
    “妈妈,我正是这样做的。我把狗盆里的牛奶全喝光了,让它饿一天,看它下次还敢不
    敢这样!”

    小花招 杰克:“妈妈,今天晚上客人们在咱们家聚会的时候,我还得用叉子吃馅饼吗?”
    母亲:“当然,孩子!”
    杰克:“那你现在给我一块稍大一点的,让我好好练习练习。”

    先吃轮子 母亲问小儿子:“汤姆,如果汽车是用巧克力做的,你先吃哪部分呀?”
    汤姆随即回答道:“轮子呗!这样汽车就开不走了啊!”

    挑 食 母亲把一碗胡萝卜端到桌上,对小儿子说:“快吃吧,刚才你不是说过你饿得像狼一样
    吗?”
    “不错。可你什么时候看到过狼吃胡萝卜?”

    恋 床 “我又不是母鸡!”
    母亲再一次叫儿子起床:“雅克,好孩子,该起床了。你听公鸡叫了好几遍了。”
    “公鸡叫与我有什么关系?我又不是母鸡!”

    没关系 母亲对儿子说:“快起床!萨沙,不然你到校要迟到了。”
    “没关系,妈妈,学校的大门不关。”

    最费劲的事 小吉米对伙伴说:“我每天在早饭前就把我感到最费劲的事情做完了。”
    “真了不起!是什么事?”
    “起床。”


    告 状 小汤姆的哥哥安德兰,最近买了架照相机,每照完一个胶卷,就去暗房冲洗。小汤姆产
    生了怀疑,去向爸爸告状:
    “安德兰尽拍些不三不四的照片。”
    爸爸问:“你看见他拍的照片了吗?”
    小汤姆说:“没有。”
    爸爸又问:“哪你怎么知道他拍的是不三不四的东西呢?”
    小汤姆说:“因为他总是在黑乎乎的房子里冲洗照片。”

    一直在候机 妈妈带着小汤姆外出旅行。在候机大厅的酒吧里,遇到了爸爸的同事黑格先生。临登机
    时,小汤姆对黑格说:“再见,黑格先生,咱们还会见面吗?”
    二个月后,在同一个机场、同一个酒吧里,小汤姆又碰见了黑格先生,他顿时惊奇地喊
    道:“天呀!你一直在这儿候机?”

    古人怎样取火 老师:“古代人怎样取火的?”
    娜佳:“他们是用石头互相撞击产生火星的。”
    老师:“那他们是用什么点火的呢?”
    娜佳:“旧报纸。”

    本末倒置 戴夫那个班的学生正在学习英国历史,有一天老师对他们说:“喂, http://www.indianapoliscoltshop.com/ Reggie Wayne Limited Jersey,孩子们,星期五我
    们要坐公共汽车到康维去。那里有一座叫康维的美丽的城堡,我们要去参观。”孩子们听到
    这话非常高兴。
    “现在,有谁有问题吗?”老师问道。
    “那座城堡有多少年历史了,先生?”戴夫问道。
    “大约700年,戴夫。”老师回答说。
    星期五孩子们9点钟来到学校上了公共汽车。他们参观了康维城堡,然后各自回家。
    “喂,”戴夫到家后妈妈问他说:“你喜欢那个城堡吗,戴夫?”
    “不怎么喜欢,”戴夫回答说,“那些蠢人把城堡建造得离铁路太近了。”

    盒子的边 “一只盒子有几个边?”妈妈问萨莎。
    “两个边:里边和外边。”

    让水流走 “爸,你干吗愁眉苦脸的?”
    “难道你没看见船头有漏洞,水直往舱里淌吗?”
    “别急,我们只要在船尾凿个洞儿,水不就流走了吗?”


    作曲家的学问 父亲:“你认识多少字了?”
    儿子:“就认得阿拉伯数字1到7。”
    父亲:“你真蠢!长大该怎么办啊。”
    儿子:“没关系,长大我可以当作曲家。作曲家只写7个数字,连8都用不上。”

    去掉两头 伙伴对汤姆说:“听说坐在火车中段最安全。一旦发生事故,火车两头遭到的破坏最
    大。”
    “傻瓜!他们为什么不把两头去掉不要呢?”


    钻入果园的小男孩 护园人发现一个小男孩偷偷钻入果园,爬上了一棵苹果树,就迅速走了过去。“小家
    伙,你爬到我的树上干什么?”
    “您看,先生,树上掉下来一个苹果,我想把它重新挂上去!”小男孩举了举手中的苹
    果对护园人说。

    何时开始撒谎 父亲:“你这小子真没出息,我在你这么大的时候,可没撒过这样的弥天大谎!”
    儿子:“那么,您是从什么时候开始撒弥天大谎的呢?”

    赛说谎 史密斯看到一群孩子围着一只小狗。他问:“你们在干什么呀?”
    一个孩子说:“我们在比赛说谎话。谁的谎话说得最大,谁就能得到这只小狗。”
    史密斯说:“胡闹!我像你们这个年纪时,从来没有说过谎话。”
    那个孩子笑着说:“史密斯先生,你赢了,这只小狗是你的。”


    好客的小汤姆 一位熟客突然上门,女主人以没有奶酪的苹果馅饼招待,而连连向客人表示歉意。女主
    人的小儿子汤姆见了,忙跑出房间,很快拿来一块奶酪,放在客人的盘子里。
    客人微笑着把那块奶酪放进嘴里,然后说:“孩子,你的眼力一定比你妈妈的好。你是
    从哪里找到这块奶酪的?”
    “在捕鼠夹上,先生!”汤姆回答说。

    儿童游戏 当博比终于回家,母亲问他:“这么长时间你在哪儿,我亲爱的?”
    “妈妈,我们在玩邮递员游戏。”儿子回答,“我往各家送信,真正的信。”
    “你从哪儿拿的那些信?”母亲奇怪地问道。
    “就是你柜子里那些用带子捆着的旧信。”

    迫不得已的承认 “妈妈,我刚刚把花园里的梯子碰倒了。”
    “把这件事去跟父亲说一下。”
    “他知道,他现在正抓着天窗,吊在墙上呢。”
    小心孩子!
    一对渴望出名的、讨人喜欢的年轻人邀请丈夫的领导和他的夫人来家吃饭。
    在他们10岁的儿子没回家之前,一切都进行得很好。儿子回来后,十分好奇地盯住客
    人们,并大声地问父亲:
    “就是她常常使自己的丈夫胆颤心惊吗?”

    唯一能回答出问题的人 皮特从学校回到家里,很骄傲地告诉他父亲说:“爸爸,你知道吗?今天我是在学校里
    唯一能回答出问题的人。”
    “我很想听听,老师是怎样问你的?”父亲很满意地说。
    “他说:‘谁把走廊上的玻璃打碎了?’”

    讲文明 妈妈:“告诉我,你爸从梯子上滑下来时,嘟哝些什么?”
    汤姆:“我省去他说的那些肮脏话好吗?”
    妈妈:“那当然。”
    汤姆:“那就没有了。”


    没 坏 母亲:“你这个败家子儿!你把你爸爸给你买的所有玩具全部给弄坏了!”
    儿子:“您说得不对,妈妈,他给我买的那把锤子就没坏。”

    从“0”开始 父亲:“刚开学考试,你怎么就得了个‘0’分?”
    儿子:“老师说,我们一切都要从‘0’开始。”

    对答如流 “瓦西里克,别把手指含在口里,这很难看!”
    “可是,妈妈,这个手指叫做食指呀!”

    不算迟 老师:“怎么你又迟到了?”
    汤米:“您不是说过吗?学习在任何时候也不算迟。”

    教 训 老师:“犯一次错误,应该吸取一次教训。”
    学生:“这我清楚。”
    老师:“那你为什么屡教不改?”
    学生:“我是为了吸取更多的教训才这样做的。”

    是指挥官 考试开始了,汤姆举起手,老师走了过来。
    “我没带铅笔。”汤姆说。
    “如果一个士兵上战场却忘记带枪,你说他算什么士兵!”
    “我想他是个指挥官。”


    应该懂礼貌 爸爸:“汤姆,假如我用像你这样的脏手进餐,你会说什么?”
    汤姆:“我应该懂礼貌,什么也不说。”

    真 好 三个浑身泥土的淘气小子抱住妈妈的脖子,问:“妈妈,明天是您的生日,您要什么
    呢?”
    “我什么也不要,只要三个干干净净的乖孩子。”妈妈一边叹气一边微笑。
    “真好,”儿子们异口同声地嚷道,“这样我们就有6弟兄啦!”

    只有两只手 老师:“珍妮,你为什么总是带着两只脏手来上学?”
    珍妮:“啊,小姐,我再也没有其他的手了。”

    老师错了 老师:“汤姆,你为什么不洗脸?我连你今天早上吃的什么都能看得出。”
    汤姆:“吃的什么?”
    老师:“鸡蛋。”
    汤姆:“不对,老师。那是昨天吃的。”

    没有六个指头 别佳吃东西总是像饿狼一般,看见好菜端上来,喜欢用手去抓。
    “你干嘛总用5个指头抓菜吃?”妈妈斥责。
    “那当然了,我又没6个指头。”

    细菌和上帝 小孩的妈妈是护士。有一天,妈妈叫他去洗手,小孩悲悲切切地哭了起来。做牧师的爸
    爸走过来问他:“饭前要洗手,有什么好哭的?”
    小孩伤心地说:“你们大人总喜欢说看不见的东西,妈妈爱说‘细菌’,爸爸爱说‘上
    帝’。”

    弹黑键 ——“我能弹会儿钢琴吗,妈妈?”
    ——“可以的,但你得去洗洗手。”
    ——“这没关系,我弹黑键好了。”

    反正是黑面包 母亲:“廷斯,你去洗手,要吃饭了。”
    廷斯:“反正是吃黑面包,干吗要洗手呀。”

    洗脖子是否合算 妈妈:“托马什,要是你用肥皂好好地洗洗脖子的话,我就允许你下午和我们一起去公
    园里玩!”
    孩子:“可要是下起雨来你们决定哪儿也不去的话,我不就白洗得这么干干净净地呆在
    家里?那太不合算了。”


    唱高音的 小伙伴问比利:“那个歌唱家干嘛在那么高的阳台上练习?”
    比利:“哦,这还不懂!他是唱高音的!”

    一具木乃伊 在埃及一个博物馆内,两个小孩在一具木乃伊前看到一块牌子,上面写有
    2325B·C·(公元前2325年)。
    “这牌子上写的是什么意思?”一个小孩问。
    “是将他撞死的那辆车子的号码。”另一个小孩答。

    我知道 小玛丽问路易:“你知道历史书上为什么在哥伦布名字的后面写着(1451—1506)吗?
    路易说:“我知道,这是哥伦布的电话号码。”

    不爱动脑 小毕耶走进杂货店,店员问道:“你要买什么?”“买10磅15个法郎一磅的糖,加4
    磅90法郎一磅的咖啡,再买2磅27法郎一磅的奶油,然后再加30法郎的面包。”
    小毕耶说。
    “594法郎。”店员说。
    “假如我给你一张1000法郎的钞票,你该找给我多少?”
    “406个法郎。快一点,我没有时间跟你磨蹭。”
    小毕耶一面走出店门,一面说:“这是老师要我明天交的作业,我还不会算呢!实在太
    谢谢你了。”

    好动脑筋 “母狮生下小狮,小狮要吃东西;母狗生下小狗,小狗要吃东西;……那就是说,凡是
    母亲生的都得吃东西。”
    小汤姆想呀想呀,总想不出一个生下来不吃东西的家伙,一连3天都没想出来。
    第4天,他到底想出来了。那是他亲眼所见,是事实。他跑去告诉老师:“老师:母鸡
    生蛋,蛋不吃东西!”


    成绩单 “你的成绩单在哪里?”父亲兴致勃勃地问刚从学校回来的孩子。
    “我把它借给瓦连卡了。让他吓唬一下自己的父母!”

    解 释 亚尔达拿着成绩单回家,他磨磨蹭蹭一直拖到星期天才把成绩单拿给父母亲看。
    “我想,我必须先向你们解释一下。”他慢吞吞地说,”成绩单上的分数可以写成甲乙
    丙丁等等,甲是成绩最优秀的,乙是成绩良好的,丙是刚好及格。丁,这上面写着的,是我
    的成绩。”

    很喜欢我 妈妈:“戈毕,在学校老师很喜欢你吗?”
    儿子:“妈妈,老师很喜欢我。”
    妈妈:“真的?”
    儿子:“是的,别的同学毕业后都让他们走了,老师说把我留下来再读哩!”

    该死的风湿症 校门口站着一个男孩子,泪流满面,一位老先生走过来问他:“你为什么哭,孩子?”
    “就为了风湿症,该死的风湿症!爸爸又要狠狠地揍我一顿!”
    “可怜的小家伙,你这么小小的年纪就已经有风湿症了?
    爸爸决不该打你!”老先生十分同情地抚摸着他。
    “我没有风湿症,但上午听写的时候,我就没来得及写这个词!”

    孝 子 汤姆:“爸爸,我要是能给你省一元钱,你高兴不高兴呢?”
    爸爸:“那当然高兴呀!”
    汤姆:“那么,我已经给你省下一元钱了。你说过,这次考试我要是能及格,你就给我
    一元钱。可是我没有及格。”

    拖拉作业 老师催促同学们交作业。他扬了扬手上的练习簿,问:
    “都交齐了吧?不会有漏网之鱼吧?”
    有位学生怯生生地回答:“老师,那条鱼明天自投罗网可以吗?”

    抄袭作业 “别嘉,”女教师说,“你写的《猫》那篇作文与你哥哥的作文怎么那样相似?”
    “这不奇怪,”别嘉答道,“因为我们俩写的是同一只猫啊!”

    自作聪明 小贝蒂头一次算术考试及格,回到家里度假。
    妈妈端来两只烤鸡,放在桌子上。小贝蒂自以为她的算术不错,便对坐在一旁的爸爸
    说:“我能给你算出来,这个盘子里有3只鸡。”
    “嗯?你是怎么算的呢?”
    “嗨,这个是一,那个是二,一加二等于三嘛。”“你真聪明呀!”爸爸说,“那么,
    就让你妈妈吃这个一,我吃那个二,你嘛,就吃你的那个三吧。”
    ------------------- 北极星书库||http://www.ebook007.com



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  18. BlogIcon 人造石英石 2013.03.22 21:54 신고

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